First impressions?

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The other day I spoke to two people I would call friends (at least if you define a friend the way my psychologist recently explained: someone you for example met at school/work and feel comfortable enough with to socialise with during your free time). We talked a bit about our first impression of each other and it turns out they were both a bit "afraid" of me. They said I came across as quiet, very serious, smart and a bit judgmental. Not judgmental as in I looked at them and judged them, but judgmental as in they thought that if they said something stupid I'd never speak to them again (they were worried about saying the wrong thing since they saw me as intelligent and noticed that I mostly talked about "smart things"). They both said it seemed like I didn't want to talk to them. They didn't think I was rude, just not interested in talking to them.

I was actually quite surprised to hear all of that. I remember meeting them for the first time about 1.5 years ago and I was, as always when meeting new people, super anxious. I didn't really know what to say or what to talk about and I was really busy worrying about how they would perceive me.

People often tell me I come across as quiet, withdrawn, smart and very down-to-earth. It takes a long time for me to get to know people. It took me almost 8 months or something before I felt comfortable enough to properly start talking to the friends I mentioned earlier. They're pretty great but I still feel like we're "on different wavelengths" a lot of the time.

Anyway, have you heard anything about people's first impression of you? Do you know how you come across to other people?

That's me, word for word...

Except it seems that it can take me even LONGER to get to know people. I have no intimate friends, although I do have, as you suggested above, "friends" (someone I feel comfortable socializing with if I have spare time).

It's a question I've never asked my friends.

And as GibbieGal; It would take me a lot longer before I trusted someone enough to be comfortable in their presence.

I am often described as quite and dedicated at work. Mostly because when I try to be social, I get myself into trouble by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Completely inapropriate. Sometimes words just blurt out of my mouth before I have a chance to hold them in. So I keep quiet and don't talk much. It saves me a lot of pain.

Yeah, I'm still not completely comfortable when socialising with my "friends" (I really have a hard time defining friendships). It's difficult to explain why that is. I just know I hardly ever feel as comfortable as I'd like to.

Some people tell me I look shy at first but that I actually am not after getting to know me.
Others say I look tough but that I am not.
Others say I look stupid but that I actually am very intelligent.

Yup...I'm told that I work hard and don't talk.

My first impressions of people are usually wrong and that includes Wrong Planet members. Others have told me they think better of me then they did when they first met me. I am like a car that has been sitting out in the cold for to long. It can take me a long time to warm up or “get” people and situations. I explain my Executive Functioning deficits for this.

First impressions are mightily important to the neuromainstream. They make immediate and permanent judgments of people based on first impressions. Very often I have heard people say “I knew this guy was” (good,bad etc) “the first time I met them” .

While I think not making snap judgements is a good thing the reality is research indicates people judgements of other people in 1/10 of a second and are often correct http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_impr ... psychology). That I can't do this puts me at a huge disadvantage

That is not limited to NTs. First impressions certainly matter to me. If someone comes off very badly in some way or other, it takes a lot for me to change my mind, and I don't think I ever have. At most it's thnking someone has one redeeming quality only, which means that I like that they do/think whatever the case is in that specific area, but I will never like this person.

It's often easier to go the other way. On one forum I attend there is one individual whose first post I read seemed amazingly insightful. The next posts I saw made me see them in less positive light and the more I've seen the more I dislike them. It's much easier to "give up" on someone whose first impression was good than it is to like someone whose first impression was bad.

Sigh. The human condition: judging people before you know them.

To me, that’s a pretty interesting definition of friend. Personally, I don’t consider the people I work with friends unless I expect the relationship to continue after we are no longer working together. As mostly, with people I work with, our only shared interest is the work we do. We may socialize (whatever that means) by having lunch together (i.e. during our free time). But the discussion always centers around work or the workplace.



Nope. But, I wouldn’t be surprised if I came off the same way.