What advice would you give to your younger self?

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What do you know about yourself or the world now that you wish you knew earlier in life?

I bow to the experience of my elders and hope to create a lasting thread. This is a place for sharing your reflections on the past. Please understand that experiences shared here may be painful and respect the poster's privacy. I respectfully ask that back-and-forth conversation be limited in this thread.

Read and share and find insight, friends.

I wouldn't. Cause me being me I know I wouldn't listen. Maybe had I understood earlier that the cause of all my dysfunctioning lay wth my mother I might not have begrudged the system so much. Instead I learned at a very young age there are those that care and those that are only capable of caring on their own terms. Nothing much has changed to human nature in the last 40-odd years since that fateful day in 1968...

This is a very good topic!
I would have adviced myself to go to another high school when I moved to the bigger city I am currently living in. I would have tried a scolarship in the american international school instead. Today I could be studying in one of the best american universities. I recently got a session in the fullbright comission and the adviser got really excited about my profile (academic success, high-level sports, extracurricular activities etc) and suggested the best universities for me. But then we discovered it is a bit too late for me as I am already in college and I would have to try as a transfer student and no scholarships (I can't pay a dime)
But maybe I wouldn't thrive all alone in the US at the age of 17, I wouldn't know about aspergers, I would have terrible anxiety and executive dysfunction, I would have trouble making friends and be completely lonely in a foreign country and get depressed. Maybe it was better as it happened. I don't know.
I would also advice myself not to do what other people wanted me to do and stand for myself.
oh wait, this is adult life discussion right? maybe I shouldn't be posting in here.

What I would tell my younger self?
Stay away from illicit drugs as far as possible. Whatever you do, don't use it because it will destroy you.
Also, if someone comes along and say they love you, don't cast them aside. Don't look for some stupid music career when the perfect man is already by your side.
Also, find some way to stay in college and get that degree no matter what. This means even working two jobs to pay the tuition.

If I had a younger version of myself:

1. Knock Dad on his arse every time he made a first-class jackass out of me. For example, he would constantly do the wolf whistle at every girl that would pass us in the car, the make like I was the one doing the whistling when they notice. Most of the time, I wasn't even interested. The few times I was interested, he'd rip me a new as*hole in front of the girl.

2. Tell Mom to cool her jets when she lost her temper, which was often.

3. Have someone as a mentor for whatever I wanted to study, professionally, emotionally, and, to a point, financially. Many are the times I wished my choral conducting professor from college was my mentor when I was younger, as he was one of only a few people that saw any kind of unique talent in me, even though I was almost finished with my BA when he realized it.

4. Never be without a companion animal, preferably a dog. Most time, the dog is the only friend you have.

Your parents will drop the ball on so many things in regards to your health.
You can't rely on your parents to watch out for you.
Only you can watch out for yourself.
You have aspergers and cyclothymia, and are transgender whether you like it or not
Transition as early as possible. The more time you waste, the worse off it will be
Pick a career field other than computer science. It's not science, and you have to deal with way more stupid people than you thought
Move to Canada
You will always have verbal communication problems. Fake being incapable of speech and in all actuality never say another word again.
Don't ever purge your interests from your life for any reason.

i would tell myself not to go into a field where people skills are the most important.

Unfortunately this holds true for me too. I was warned about just about every pitfall I stepped into and I didn't listen to anyone. I wouldn't have listened to myself either. I knew better.

You are strong enough to make it. Keep fighting.

Write when you're most busy and most happy.

Don't bother going to college for more than a two year degree and make sure that's in something useful. You'll just be a nomad.

Claim your space. You have as much of a right to exist as any other creature. You'll be happier if you "own" the space you're using.

My old self wouldn't probably listen to me. That reminds me of a dream I had when I was a child - I met my older self and actually KILLED her because I wanted to prove I am strong enough to do it. My poor older-self. She was a 20-few girl, watching the night sky through a telescope in her backyard and then a 13 year old something pooped out of nowhere and killed her using a scythe. Yup, grim reapers were my fascination back then.


But I would definitely tell not to use a self-made go-cart when I was 10. I had a pretty bad accident then and for the next a few years I had to visit a dentist often to fix my front tooth again and again. I hate dentists. The tooth is "dead" now, might break again anytime soon and it is very sensitive to any touch so I have to keep it in mind every time I eat.

I would also say myself I how to keep my meltdowns on leash. The problem it is not easy to explain how to do it. It is something like energy manipulating. The meltdown brings a huge energy with it but I am strong enough to keep the energy till it is save to blow up or till it calms down. I think I could compare it with the mental practices on some self-defense fight techniques.

I would also say: Stop caring about other people.You don't need friends so desperately. Get a imagined friend if you feel like that. - But the old me absolutely wouldn't listen to this because getting a friend was my dream for a long time.

These are the things I would tell my 11/12/13-year-old self:

- Your parents are going to split up eventually. You have been warned.
- Don't give up on enjoyable childhood things just to look more adult/mature.
- Don't be afraid to watch anime or listen to emo rock just because people say they're uncool.
- Aspergers is not a cruel joke, and you can't outgrow it. You may be socially awkward, obsessive, and have sensory issues, but there is a silver lining to it in that you're intelligent, perceptive, and have a unique perspective on the world. Embrace it.
- You may think you're "smart" and "edgy" for being an atheist, but it's no excuse to be a dick about it. Respect other people's religious beliefs, and hopefully they'll respect yours.
- Consuming excess amounts of caffeine/energy drinks is NOT the solution to your motivation problems. More than likely, you're depressed and anxious. Talk to a doctor about it, and your father as well, as he should have a pretty decent understanding of your issues. Your mother may not believe you, but she has undiagnosed PTSD and social anxiety issues, so you're not the only one who's got problems.
- That slowness in your thought processes and difficulty in your speech is known as "brain fog", a common side-effect of Aspergers which can be exacerbated by anxiousness and overstimulation. It doesn't mean that you're suddenly intellectually disabled or brain-damaged.
- Don't be afraid to put your own computer on the Internet. As long as you have a decent antivirus, like Avast, you should be fine. This should keep you from having to lie to your parents about your homework in order to use the Internet.
- Your current friends are toxic, and they're losing interest in hanging out with you. Ditch them and find better friends, preferably around your own age or slightly younger. Don't bother hanging out with older kids until you're in high school.
- If you don't like a school assignment you've been given, instead of delaying it for weeks at a time, just do a half-assed job and hand it in on time. The other kids in your class don't share your perfectionist tendencies, so you don't have to worry so much about competing against them.
- Stoners are stupid. Don't bother hanging out with them. Obsessing over wanting to smoke marijuana makes you look stupid as well.
- You don't need to buy a DeviantART subscription to have an account. Just don't join until you turn 13, or you'll be banned. Seriously.
- Sexism, racism, and homophobia are lame and idiotic. You're smart enough to be above them.
- Don't worry so much about fitting into the "gamer" archetype. The point of playing video games is to have fun, not to see how many you can finish or to prove to your friends how skilled you are.
- LAN parties are a pain in the ass to plan, and they likely won't turn out the way you expect them to. Don't get all worked up trying to plan the perfect one.
- BE YOURSELF, and to hell with what anyone else says.
- LISTEN TO ME, BECAUSE I AM YOU, AND I HAVE LIVED YOUR LIFE. Seriously.

Last edited by mr_bigmouth_502 on 09 May 2014, 6:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I would go back and tell my self to not be so cowardly and push myself as even though seemed OK then they where gonna get much worse and my thoughts of waiting it out and having friends etc come to me never was so I tell me self to start changing then and gee more confident, Also I would tell myself to not trust my family as a fall back or a reliance as that would be torn apart and have a drastic impact on life and worse my chances of doing what I want due to my already difficulty's and for myself to get help.

However whats done is done, Instead I'm only really becoming a Teenager and a Young Adult in a way now, but I'm alone I have no friends and that what I desperately want yet due to my past and difficulty's I'm stuck despite knowing what I can do and what I have to do and that's why Im only seeking help now because I want friends and particularly a girlfriend, I have that need to be loved even know back then when I was younger I did not feel the same way I do about relationships today.

I would probably give myself a little talk about what Asperger's is, and then tell Little Me to love and embrace and explore that part of myself.

Dear 12 year old GHF:
You are going to be singled out for bullying and it's not your fault because you have a mild form of Autism known as Asperger Syndrome and the Doctor either doesn't know or your parents won't tell you. Not everyone shares your pure heart and motivation and some kids are not mentally handicapped and just enjoy causing pain and suffering as hard as that is for you to understand.

Dear 13 year old GHF:
Bullies can't be bargained or reasoned with and the "expert" advice is garbage. You have to strike back HARD at the first kid who lays his hands on you. I know you don't want to hurt anyone for any reason but it will save you tonnes of pain in the future.

Dear 17 year old GHF:
I know working is so much better than going to school and getting beaten up but your first job is not a career and you need to lighten up. Get out and enjoy yourself rather than work yourself to death. Trust me, you do NOT want to work there full time even though it feels like a dream job.

Dear 19 year old GHF:
You had that mental breakdown for a reason. You are on the wrong path and you have no business being in a business school as it's not for you. Having Aspergers means you won't succeed in the unwritten skills most desire and both lying and networking are both essential skills. Contrary to what you might think, jobs are VERY scarce with your degree locally and you would be miserable at them to boot.

Dear 21 year old GHF:
Just ask her out! She will probably reject you rudely but that is ultimately what you need to hear to realize its not the end of the world. You need experience dealing with women, period!

Dear 24 year old GHF:
I know she has been wrong lately about a few things like business school, but LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER and don't wait until you turn 31 to join the organization she is nagging you about!

Dear 28 year old GHF:
I know you really want a Girlfriend, but don't jump at the first girl who shows you clear interest. Don't be afraid to ask girls out and be rejected. Brick walls are only there to prove how badly we want something and you want to right woman above anything else.

Dear yesterday's GHF:
Don't beat yourself up. Everything happens for a reason and you probably weren't ready for those life lessons. If you had gotten married by 25 like you planned, you likely would have ended up in a ugly, bitter divorce like your fellow almost-certainlty-Aspie brother's coworker Shawn did. If you landed that business job you would have been miserable and if you did succeed with that first big crush she might have jaded your view of women even worse than it is now because even though she looked shy she is a classic narcissist. Ignore the shouldacouldawoulda monster and just be the best person you can be since you are a great guy.

Stop trying to play the game; your entire culture is warped. Forget having a career; you couldn't work a full-time job even if you wanted to.

Use your financial aid to buy a motor home so that you'll always have a place to stay.

Relax and try to enjoy life. Most people are as*holes; don't waste your time with them.

I would tell her:

Take notice of what people do, not what they say.

Don't start smoking.

Learn to recognise narcissists and give them a wide berth.

Choose your own path and don't worry about the naysayers, a lot of their raining on your parade will be driven by jealousy or their sense of inadequacy.

Realise that what happened to you is not who you are.

Learn to recognise healthy relationships - they have mutual trust, respect, kindness, appreciation, encouragement, fairness, equality.

Leave abusive people IMMEDIATELY. Get out and stay out. Leave the country if you have to.

Think for yourself. A lot of received wisdom is just custom, prejudice, social control.

You are so much better than you have been taught to think.

Believe in yourself, your integrity, your ability, and that you are worthy of a good life.

Don't be afraid of failure nor success.

Love is not romance, though romance may lead to love.

Women can be women's worst enemies, so watch your back. But there are some rare angels out there.

Never give up. Never.