My husband's job- he has Asperger's Syndrome

Post Reply New Topic

My husband has been working at a company for almost two years. During most of the time he has worked there he has received very positive feedback. He had completed his work on time, and his work was viewed very positively. He had been at the same position since he was hired, for over a year. Early this year he was switched to a new position, with a new manager. He had been managed by this person before, when he was originally hired, but his manager had not been directly involved with his work at that time. Despite his boss not being directly involved with his work when he originally supervised him, he had given him at least one review during that time, which was very positive.

Not long after he had switched positions he received a warning at work. His boss complained about several problems with his work. Last week, he received a follow up more serious complaint that the previous problems had not been resolved. I've reviewed all of the written documentation he has given me from these two incidents, but a lot of it involves computer terminology I don't understand. Trying to get my husband to explain the situation to me has been like pulling teeth. He only remembers bits and pieces at a time, and generally doesn't like to talk about negative things because they upset him. From what I have been able to gather, it isn't so much that the work he has been doing has been bad, but rather that he is having communication problems, and difficulties getting his work done on time.

From what I can tell, there are two sides to this situation. First, my husband has gotten depressed, and that has negatively affected his work. He isn't getting enough sleep, and in general life is very stressful for him right now. Partially as a result of this, he has stated that there are days that he does nothing. So he is working at lower than normal functioning. On the flip side, it sounds like they have unreasonable expectations for him at his new position. They are not giving him any time to learn before he is expected to complete a task, and each new task requires learning a new system. They're comparing apples to oranges when complaining about his productivity- sure he might only have done x amount when his coworkers have averaged way higher, but he also is very meticulous about his work, which means the quality of his work is higher. This does matter, as higher quality work now means less work down the road. He also has been submitting his work in larger chunks than his coworkers do, which means by their arbitrary measure it looks like a lot less work than it actually is.

I have suggested my husband write a letter to HR explaining that he has Aspergers, and requesting accommodations. He says he would feel dishonest to do so, as he views Aspergers as an advantage, rather than a disability. I explained and demonstrated that he could write about it as a difference, rather than as a disability, which he was more comfortable with. They are already aware that something is different about him, because he has requested (and received) some sensory related accommodations. Last night when we talked again he said he didn't want to write the letter right now, as he wanted to keep that card in his pocket in case he needs it in the future. They have fixed some of the computer problems he was having at work, which has improved his ability to work. He also has been arbitrarily dividing his work submissions into smaller pieces, to make it look like he has been being more productive (hey- you give a stupid measurement, you're asking for it). We've also been focusing on getting his needs met at home, which has been helping. So he is doing better at work, but they're still monitoring his performance to determine if he is able to resolve the issues they're having.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you think it is better to wait to see if the situation resolves itself and only request accommodations if it doesn't, or ask now when they aren't currently as necessary? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

IMO, I do not feel he should bring up anything about Aspergers. Most people have never heard about Aspergers and many HR Depts upon hearing an employee has Aspergers and is asking for accommodations views this as just another reason to terminate your husband (of course they will act very discretely and would make sure it is for some other reason)

I have found personally that trying to either work around or improve my deficits garners the most support from the work environment. The general public's understanding of Asperger's varies so much that the reaction is unpredictable. AND, it might not be that useful. I think it's more useful to speak about symptoms as weaknesses (or strengths, as applicable) than it is to say I have this thing that involves this large variability of symptoms--guess which ones apply to me.

So, in his case, I would recommend, instead of saying, "I have Aspergers", which might be taken to mean, "this is the best it's gonna get from me...and here is a list of stuff you need to do for me" (which doesn't tend to lead to job security), saying, "I'm having trouble improving [insert his non-descript situation here] which was on my last review. Do you have a suggestion of where I could turn for help?".

If nothing else, it shows some level of commitment to following through with what was asked. But, it also could bring about some useful resources.

Disclosing saved my job but I did so in a positive light, reinforcing my strengths.

Send me a pm If you want my template.

Tina

I think you should go by the general rule of not telling the employer unless it's a last resort - or unless everything is super positive and great and they love your husband in that job. I hate to say this because it would be great if people could just talk openly about Aspergers and learn from each other, but the truth is that it makes people uncomfortable and makes them judge people really differently. It would probably end up that they start seeing every single thing he does as a part of his Aspergers when a lot of it could just be normal circumstances. It also might remove the chance for them to evaluate their own expectations: if they think his job performance is suffering because of his condition, then they won't even consider that they may have had unrealistic expectations for any employee (if that's the case).

I (made the mistake?) of revealing my Aspergers to a coworker who was already a friend and whom I trusted not to tell others. They worked in the HR department so I thought it might be a good idea to let them know. It still felt like a super awkward thing and they didn't really want to discuss it like I'd imagined they would. Oops. I lost sleep over worrying whether he interpreted it as me saying "I have a condition so you must make sure I keep my job and no one can ever criticize me."

I've now come to the conclusion that I should work to the best of my abilities and if a problem arises, I will address the problem on it's own. Autism is really varied and people don't even understand the basics, so telling them you have the condition won't be very enlightening unless they know a good deal about it first.

If he's having specific issues at work, he should try being honest with them without necessarily saying he has Aspergers. Just like you said he did with the sensory issues, he probably said something like "Bright light really bothers me, is there something we can do about that?" You can do that with other things as well. Example, "I value precision in my work, which is very important, so I don't feel comfortable submitting work that isn't up to standards." However, it seems like they are more the problem than he is - and that needs to be addressed. If they aren't explaining things well enough or if they aren't taking note of how large the chunks of work he submits are, then they need to be called out on it. It could be that his communication issues mean that he hasn't been able to express to them what these issues are, so work on creating a script with him that he can discuss with someone in the company and hopefully they'll realize they could be doing more for him (and the other employees).

I think the advice given in the above posts is generally sound. My advice is going to deviate slightly; but I want to put in place a few caveats first.

1) I live and work in the United Kingdom and therefore have certain protections (as a diagnosed Aspie) under Britain's Disability Discrimination Act. There are aspects of those protections that may not exist or work in the same way in other countries.

2) I work for the British Civil Service, and so am classed (under the peculiarities of the British system) as a servant of the Crown employed under the Royal prerogative. In this context what that means is that the organisation I work for isn't bound by UK employment law and instead my employment rights are governed by a nightmarishly complicated set of rules and regulations.

With those points now in mind.

When I first joined the Civil Service my first line manager was absolutely fine. I had declared dyslexia, dyspraxia and Aspergers when I applied for the graduate scheme and generally assumed that my line management was aware. At my 3 month review, the feedback was fine, the only comment being the poor spelling in some of my rush first draft notes. This was raised again by my manager a week or two later when it became apparent my line manager had not seen the record of my dyslexia. And then I made the error several have mentioned of asking whether he'd been told I had Aspergers?

After that, I couldn't do anything right. I had to sit through a hostile questioning round by my manager where I was asked whether I could be left alone with female colleagues and told that I wasn't capable of doing my job because no one would trust my policy analysis if they new about my 'mental state'. Moving forward; every piece of work I did was wrong, every meeting with my line manager was passive aggressive (which of course would test even an NT's social abilities) and I was repeatedly asked to "do the right thing" and jump before I was pushed. In hindsight, I am also sure that key information was withheld to ensure I looked clueless.

The result was that I could barely function at work. I found it difficult to complete work, because socially withdrawn and tried to find ways to avoid my line management. All of which was of course written down and used to evidence my incompetence.

Eventually I was told by my line manager that he would begin dismissal procedures the following week. At that point I did something I should have done three months previously and typed the word disability into the office intranet. Up pinged the details of HR's Diversity Officer, whose sole responsibility is to act as an advocate for anyone with a disability in my department.

The problem wasn't solved overnight. In fact it took another four months before the Diversity Officer was able to extract me from the post and get me transferred to a more enlightened directorate. And in that time, my Line Manager did everything he could to get me sacked or sabotage the Diversity Officers efforts (he convened a disciplinary hearing the week before I was due to transfer; just to try and hold that process up). But the system did protect me and if I'd had the wit to ask for help sooner, it might not have lasted as long as it did.

Anyway: that's my story and experience. There are a few reflections which you might find useful:

1) Telling colleagues you have AS will have an impact that is almost always negative. That reaction might be practically phobic (like my line manager) or be well meaning materialism / paternalism on the part of colleagues (which still affects the dynamics of the team).

2) In Britain, the Disability Discrimination Act protects a person, whether they have told their employer of the disability or not. The Diversity Officer in my case used this to ensure that HR didn't just take my line managers word as evidence when assessing my case. You should find out what you have to do to be covered by discrimination laws and then do it. It really focuses HR's mind in the last resort.

3) Employers generally hear the word Aspergers and assume that is at the root of any and all issues raised afterwards. The reality is that if the line manager is applying pressure unfairly on someone, then the managee is reacting to workplace bullying. They may react differently, or more extremely. But it's the line manager that's causing the behaviour; not the Aspergers.

4) If this is a disciplinary process that will eventually move towards dismissal proceedings; then their will be a lot of discreet off the record meetings between the employee and HR. In my case, I should never have gone alone to those meetings. I was so mentally battered by that point that I was nearly manipulated into agreeing to quit. You should always take a friend to such meetings; preferably from an outside autism advocacy organisation (such as the National Autistic Society) in the UK

I hope that's useful. If you (or anyone else in this position) wants to discuss further, I can be PM'd