caring about others

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So I decided to ask an aunt about my social interactions because my therapist thinks I might have AS. My aunt says that I have little or no emotional reaction to the problems of others and I rarely say please and thank you. Is this pretty typical aspie or is something else wrong?

Yes, I belive those are quite common AS traits. Of course it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't care (although it might, who am I to judge?), only that you might not show it in the same ways that others do.

We are taught to say please and thank you. Unless you have no idea at all when you are expected to say them, I wouldn't presume a correlation with AS.

While having little/no emotional reaction to the problems of others is correlated with AS, I have encountered this pattern of behaviour in neurotypical individuals. You alone can truly know why you show little/no emotional reaction. If it's because you are unsure of other individual's emotional states, or perhaps even your own, then the potential of you having Asperger's is a lot higher than if it were something such as not having experienced those problems before.

Do you have alexithymia? If you do, it is far more likely that these situations are caused by AS.

Click here if you aren't informed about alexithymia. It is Wikipedia, but it is accurate.

Yep. It sounds very much like an aspie thing. But as snufkin said, this does not mean that you do not feel emotions or sympathy at all. It's just that you might express them differently. Problems with body language is huge with AS too.

I have just learn to say please and thank you as a pre-programmed response. I have no idea what the emotional etiquette is for those words are. I have no idea if I am using them too much or not enough or just not using them in the right context. All I know is that if I used then, I don't upset people.

This is pretty much what I meant. You are diagnosed with AS, and you don't know at all when to use them. The fact that you use them is irrelevant, just to avoid confusion for the OP.

There are plenty of people that forget to say please and thank you, and others that don't think it's expected when it really is. These people don't have autism, they just think differently than whoever they were meant to say please and thank you to. This is why it is ultimately just the individual who can know whether or not they truly have AS, as there are so many things that can appear to be AS, but actually aren't, and vice versa.

A bit of good advice. The correctly placed "please" and a well placed "thank you" can achieve wonders!
Also, learn how to smile with your face as well as with your voice (for over the phone).
It's a bit like following a guide to solving a Rubik's cube. You do this, you do that, you don't know what you're doing and before you know it, you've got a solved puzzle - and opened doors you never thought you could.

Having said that, I don't have any friends - but then, I don't want any - but I know how to sweet talk humans and get what I want a lot of the time. It's a skill and it's well worth learning. It's like walking through enemy territory without being detected because you can speak the lingo.
There are some advantages to being old. You can learn some really cool stuff.

You probably do care about people. But you just don't show it.

Probably what babybird said is true. that honestly applies to man aspies including myself I have noticed,they can feel empathy and emotion but have a hard time showing it or do not show it all

I have these things I call "human moments" where for some/no reason, I suddenly feel very close and connected to all people, like a sort of belonging, being part of. That's why it hurts so much when I think of those amongst us who can unleash the most horrific, unthinkable cruelties on their fellow creatures (not just humans).

Sometimes, for example, if I'm in the train and I see someone sitting by themselves, crying, it disturbs me incredibly and all I want to do is go over and give them a hug but what confuses me is, my sister was crying in front of me because of what had happened to our Mother and I knew I should have done something to console her but all I could do is sit there and stare at her. She gave me a weird look like 'Aren't you going to comfort me?' I may be wrong. I didn't know what to do. It's like normality comes in extremely rare waves.

Family members are much more likely to be irritated by my efforts to show caring. Not my children, they are used to me and generally happy with how I show I care, I think. But children are pretty transparent and then you know them. Adults disguise a lot.

Generally strangers act appreciative of attempts at caring. It's my impression that any awkwardness is more easily absorbed as due to the unfamiliarity and unusualness of caring about a stranger.