Are you Nonverbal by Choice/need? (Poll) *revised*

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Im fully Verbal but have some problems understanding language sometimes

I started out nonverbal and then progressed to monosyllabic around age 8. Technically i'm verbal, but that's more through forced effort i think then something that comes naturally to me. Basically no matter what, speaking requires a lot of effort. if there's stress, confusion, sensory overload going on, i'm really unable to speak intelligibly and it's just basically vocalizing gibberish. I would love to be able to talk in a regular way.

I fantasize about being non verbal. I hate being forced to talk to people.
My family get upset with me because of it. I run away from strangers to avoid talking.

My son is completely comfortable with not responding to people which makes me envious but I find it embarrassing and so avoid instead.

I hate repeating myself even more and so often end up shouting as my mum and sister are both hard of hearing which is bad but they will persist in asking me questions. I can't make my voice loud without shouting as my throat sort of closes up. It closes up entirely if I try to talk about anything with any emotional component. That hurts.

I can't use a phone either.

I was mostly non-verbal until somewhere in my late teens or early 20s. I am now verbal in small groups where I feel comfortable and otherwise minimally verbal or I guess semi-verbal mostly out of politeness and to meet people's expectations. When I was in primary school I thought for years about choosing to be non-verbal but I thought it might be misinterpreted as an attention seeking thing or otherwise bring attention I did not want or lead to me being bullied.

I have a lot of trouble expressing myself in spoken word but find it significantly easier in writing... I really do wish I could speak aloud like I can type, maybe then people wouldn't mistake me for an idiot.

In medium-small to large crowds I am almost non-verbal but there often comes a point in a discussion where I can't hold my opinion any longer and it all just kind of bursts out of me, often to then be misinterpreted or misunderstood... but I can find a lot of NT discussions frustrating even just to listen to unless I offer some input. Especially when people get into very specific and technical topics... if someone talks extensively about a scientific concept and the others are learning from them and they are entirely wrong about it, I am unlikely to stay quiet for long!

The closest to my situation was 'I am semi verbal but I choose/need'. I think I was a selective mute as a kid and throughout my whole life people have always said stuff like 'you're so quiet!' or 'you don't talk much'. I hate the latter, the sheer arrogance that they expect me to respond to a statement that I don't talk much haha. I would normally just reply with 'yeah I know'.

I am verbal but take planned days of silence because I feel like it's good for my mental health - speech feels alien and I need a break. On those days I neither speak nor write.

I can communicate so much better through text that I would have many more conversations with people if text was my primary form of communication, even when I'm actually with the person I'm "talking" to.

I can\do talk if I need to, but having any substantial verbal conversations isn't very easy for me.

I've pretty much let it be known to everyone I know that I prefer to communicate though text.

At the moment, I am semi or selectively verbal (or else my family will start to think I am being rude and ignoring them), but I am a 'good girl' and don't talk to strangers (i.e anybody I do not know) and I am working towards the day when I can become fully non-verbal.

Part of that has to do with people not really caring for my opinions anyway so why offer them? and part of it has to do with me becoming more 'spiritual' in my quest, allowing my conscious awareness to turn inwards without introverting fully (working on it).