Just a reminder in case anyone missed last nights louie

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CynicalWaffle
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14 May 2014, 12:11 pm

Yeah, it is pretty stupid.

It's like that picture that is going around online. An overweight guy wants a bikini model; everybody treats him like crap and tells him to lower his standards. But then an overweight girl wants a bodybuilding guys, and everyone praises her.

It's basically telling women that they are all entitled to be loved, while telling men that they suck for having the same standards as the overweight woman. Shouldn't both men and women be treated the exact same for that?



cannotthinkoff
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14 May 2014, 12:14 pm

CynicalWaffle wrote:
Yeah, it is pretty stupid.

It's like that picture that is going around online. An overweight guy wants a bikini model; everybody treats him like crap and tells him to lower his standards. But then an overweight girl wants a bodybuilding guys, and everyone praises her.

It's basically telling women that they are all entitled to be loved, while telling men that they suck for having the same standards as the overweight woman. Shouldn't both men and women be treated the exact same for that?

Are you delusional? The fat girl did not want a bodybuilder, she wanted an old bold fat ugly guy with nice personality. NO one praises the fatso who feels entitled to get the orlando bloom. Where did you get this idea?



cannotthinkoff
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14 May 2014, 12:15 pm

The level of maturity in love and dating is awesome. With that kind of attitude you are sure to find someone.



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14 May 2014, 12:58 pm

Rather than watching the video, I went hunting for a transcript. I couldn't find a trnascript, but I did find this, which comes reasonably close since it quotes the relevant bits.



http://www.npr.org/2014/05/12/311897008 ... at-himself

Quote:
He is clearly hesitant, which seems odd for a guy who complains so much about dating. Especially since Vanessa has all kinds of personality, flirting with her customers and cracking jokes about some of them with Louie. "You're cute, you're funny, and I am both of those ... plus, like, seven other things," she says, sounding a lot like Louie when he has tried asking other women out in previous episodes. She's quick-witted, confident and charming. Who wouldn't want to date somebody this cool?


The character Louis CK plays doesn't want to. Because she's fat. And I'm ok with that.

What really bothers me is the idea that one person should date another, or "give them a chance" in order to avoid being hypocritical. I don't think that avoiding hypocrisy should even be a concern in dating. It turns the whole thing into a grim duty. To "give somebody a chance" is to go on a date with them out of a sense of duty, not because you genuinely want to. That's no way to actually find love. If two people are actually compatible as partners there is no need of "a chance". They will actually prefer each other's company.

Maybe it's internet dating that really messed things up. It forces people to view each other as commodities and makes "giving somebody a chance" pretty much the only way to get a date because nobody has ever met the other person prior to the date. Every date is a blind date even if you read a list of qualifications, see a picture, and exchange introductory emails.

I don't watch the show so I'm not sure if it was trying to make a point (the linked article author thinks it was) but in any case, the whole idea of hypocrisy in dating just bothers me. It implies that it would be more honorable for people to accept all offers from somebody "in their league" just because the person is in the same league. In this show, it's the league of people who are nice, funny and fat. Both Louie and Vanessa have those things in common. But so what if they do? Why should Louie go out on a date with her if he doesn't want to? Because he could find happiness in spite of himself? On a show, he certainly could. It's a common trope in TV and movies*- that two people are meant for each other despite the initial lack of attraction that one (or sometimes both) have. But in reality, going out with somebody because they are in the same league as you and therefore you should is not a recipe for happiness.

Will some people never pair up because they are forever holding out for somebody who meets their checklist? Yes. And that's ok. The whole idea of "lowering standards" means the relationship is doomed before it even happens. You can't be happy with somebody nor can they be happy with you if either one of you thinks that standards have been lowered in order to allow them in. It's a foundation of jello.

*ok yes, the trope is almost always the beautiful girl giving the ("lower league") guy a chance in TV and movies. I suppose the point the show was making is that even considering the guy giving the girl a chance just doesn't happen in TV/movies. What I dislike is the whole concept of "a chance", as though you should go out with somebody even though you don't want to to "give them a chance" to wow you. It's a set-up for misery.



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14 May 2014, 1:56 pm

^ You're like fresh air here, from now on I call you Oxygen (a good thing).



starvingartist
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14 May 2014, 2:16 pm

Janissy wrote:
Rather than watching the video, I went hunting for a transcript. I couldn't find a trnascript, but I did find this, which comes reasonably close since it quotes the relevant bits.



http://www.npr.org/2014/05/12/311897008 ... at-himself

Quote:
He is clearly hesitant, which seems odd for a guy who complains so much about dating. Especially since Vanessa has all kinds of personality, flirting with her customers and cracking jokes about some of them with Louie. "You're cute, you're funny, and I am both of those ... plus, like, seven other things," she says, sounding a lot like Louie when he has tried asking other women out in previous episodes. She's quick-witted, confident and charming. Who wouldn't want to date somebody this cool?


The character Louis CK plays doesn't want to. Because she's fat. And I'm ok with that.

What really bothers me is the idea that one person should date another, or "give them a chance" in order to avoid being hypocritical. I don't think that avoiding hypocrisy should even be a concern in dating. It turns the whole thing into a grim duty. To "give somebody a chance" is to go on a date with them out of a sense of duty, not because you genuinely want to. That's no way to actually find love. If two people are actually compatible as partners there is no need of "a chance". They will actually prefer each other's company.

Maybe it's internet dating that really messed things up. It forces people to view each other as commodities and makes "giving somebody a chance" pretty much the only way to get a date because nobody has ever met the other person prior to the date. Every date is a blind date even if you read a list of qualifications, see a picture, and exchange introductory emails.

I don't watch the show so I'm not sure if it was trying to make a point (the linked article author thinks it was) but in any case, the whole idea of hypocrisy in dating just bothers me. It implies that it would be more honorable for people to accept all offers from somebody "in their league" just because the person is in the same league. In this show, it's the league of people who are nice, funny and fat. Both Louie and Vanessa have those things in common. But so what if they do? Why should Louie go out on a date with her if he doesn't want to? Because he could find happiness in spite of himself? On a show, he certainly could. It's a common trope in TV and movies*- that two people are meant for each other despite the initial lack of attraction that one (or sometimes both) have. But in reality, going out with somebody because they are in the same league as you and therefore you should is not a recipe for happiness.

Will some people never pair up because they are forever holding out for somebody who meets their checklist? Yes. And that's ok. The whole idea of "lowering standards" means the relationship is doomed before it even happens. You can't be happy with somebody nor can they be happy with you if either one of you thinks that standards have been lowered in order to allow them in. It's a foundation of jello.

*ok yes, the trope is almost always the beautiful girl giving the ("lower league") guy a chance in TV and movies. I suppose the point the show was making is that even considering the guy giving the girl a chance just doesn't happen in TV/movies. What I dislike is the whole concept of "a chance", as though you should go out with somebody even though you don't want to to "give them a chance" to wow you. It's a set-up for misery.


what you say is perfect logic--for people who judge by appearances only.

i think by "give someone a chance" what is meant is to give someone a chance to show you what sort of person they are on the inside beyond their physical characteristics. but if one is the sort of person who bases all their choices on surfaces, then one would certainly see the "logic" in what you say.



cannotthinkoff
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14 May 2014, 2:17 pm

Janissy wrote:

*ok yes, the trope is almost always the beautiful girl giving the ("lower league") guy a chance in TV and movies. I suppose the point the show was making is that even considering the guy giving the girl a chance just doesn't happen in TV/movies. What I dislike is the whole concept of "a chance", as though you should go out with somebody even though you don't want to to "give them a chance" to wow you. It's a set-up for misery.


No one has ever done anything in order to avoid being hypocritical. We all are, to the core. The point is that the idea of attractiveness and so on is largely shaped by society, and talking about it is important. Even the fact that this sketch got so much attention says something. What we want is one thing, but reality is another and being exposed to a variety of life stories, and relationships through media is a good thing. You think you know what you find attractive, and what you want, what love's supposed to be or so on. I for one know exactly what sort of partner I am looking for and I am not ready to settle for less. Because I believe it makes me want to be better myself, and because I am young. But seeing things like that, life through others eyes makes me think, opens my mind. To get past superficial things to actually give people a chance to show their personality. Its not some charity, actually you are giving yourself a chance. Just being less judgmental. You give chances to things all the time, to people you just met to become friends, for instance. You don't have to go on the date with someone like you, and 99% you won't and louie won't. It's about exploring and opening your mind, and if that still doesn't work for you than that's fine. Idea - no one really knows what they really wan't, but if you are so set in your ways then that's fine. In my reality, I have found love with people I would have never dated in the first place. But I was curious and with time we developed unique bond. It dont mean that if you lower the standards somethings less, not complete, wont satisfy you. these are different notions. its not lowering, its changing, and opening yourself up, getting rid of childish ideals. because what you trade instead is an amazing, amazing person, its seeing behind the superficial. Also classifying people into leagues is weird and immature.

I dont think that "chance" idea has to be like that, and either way - this is just something to think about and check your own reaction to the situation. In reality, people will always aim for the better and this is fine. People have their preferences, however irrational they may be.



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14 May 2014, 2:24 pm

I don't see how you make a connection between the fat girl monologue and the nice guy issue.

All that the fat woman said is exactly what .... fat guys go through.

Nice guy issue happens regardless of physical looks.



cannotthinkoff
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14 May 2014, 5:53 pm

have a look at louie season 3 episode 4, towards the end, when he's asking out a beautiful girl and he gives the similar speech about how he's a troll and she says that she doesnt date guys based on looks and they go out. see, that what happens in the media. but then the roles are reversed, then suddenly its a scandal. so here's your double standard, when an ugly chick is asking someone out it's fine to reject, or to shame her for doing so. but when the nice guy asks you out, you HAVE to because otherwise you're a b***h. basically its fine for men to discriminate based on looks, but for a woman- you can't. So even if you're a decent person with a decent job, if you're a woman and not beautiful one, you have no chances whatsoever. A guy like louie seems to be entitled to chicks, while a woman of his age, looks and status is basically already a trash. so i'd say everyone's sorry for the nice guy who keeps being rejected. while a girl, if she's not pretty, she'll get no sympathies, just maybe pity.



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15 May 2014, 1:39 am

cannotthinkoff wrote:
have a look at louie season 3 episode 4, towards the end, when he's asking out a beautiful girl and he gives the similar speech about how he's a troll and she says that she doesnt date guys based on looks and they go out. see, that what happens in the media. but then the roles are reversed, then suddenly its a scandal. so here's your double standard, when an ugly chick is asking someone out it's fine to reject, or to shame her for doing so. but when the nice guy asks you out, you HAVE to because otherwise you're a b***h. basically its fine for men to discriminate based on looks, but for a woman- you can't. So even if you're a decent person with a decent job, if you're a woman and not beautiful one, you have no chances whatsoever. A guy like louie seems to be entitled to chicks, while a woman of his age, looks and status is basically already a trash. so i'd say everyone's sorry for the nice guy who keeps being rejected. while a girl, if she's not pretty, she'll get no sympathies, just maybe pity.


Let me reiterate what this thread was about for the 10th time.

This forum has plenty of members that have said that the nice guys problem is that they are entitled.

I found a video of a woman with the same mindset that is getting a lot of praise on the internet.

I thought some members needed to watch this so that they can understand where the other gender is coming from



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15 May 2014, 4:08 am

spongy wrote:
Nice guys suck because they feel entitled to date girls.

On the other hand we should all pity fat girls for feeling entitled to to date guys and being rejected.


I don't pity entitled fat tarts, they aren't entitled to anyone. Nor are skinny tarts or non nice dudes.



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15 May 2014, 4:23 am

Well, she didn't strike me as entitled. I've never watched a moment of this show before, but that struck me as a well written and acted scene.

Nice Guys have a variety of lousy ideas. One is the idea that, if they're nice to someone, they should get something in return. Usually sex, or even a romantic relationship. Then they decide they didn't get the thing because they're nice. Too nice. Not like the jerks who get everything they want.


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15 May 2014, 4:49 am

Hopper wrote:
Well, she didn't strike me as entitled. I've never watched a moment of this show before, but that struck me as a well written and acted scene.

Nice Guys have a variety of lousy ideas. One is the idea that, if they're nice to someone, they should get something in return. Usually sex, or even a romantic relationship. Then they decide they didn't get the thing because they're nice. Too nice. Not like the jerks who get everything they want.


A lot of overweight women assume it's because they're fat though. Some of them don't seem to realise that fat people can also have boring, bitchy personalities.

I've been fat, and I've been skinny, before anyone accuses me of being rude about fat people.



CynicalWaffle
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15 May 2014, 11:27 am

cannotthinkoff wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
Yeah, it is pretty stupid.

It's like that picture that is going around online. An overweight guy wants a bikini model; everybody treats him like crap and tells him to lower his standards. But then an overweight girl wants a bodybuilding guys, and everyone praises her.

It's basically telling women that they are all entitled to be loved, while telling men that they suck for having the same standards as the overweight woman. Shouldn't both men and women be treated the exact same for that?

Are you delusional? The fat girl did not want a bodybuilder, she wanted an old bold fat ugly guy with nice personality. NO one praises the fatso who feels entitled to get the orlando bloom. Where did you get this idea?


In your fantasy world, maybe it doesn't happen. But this happens a hell of a lot in real life. Men are demonized for having standards, and women are not. Eradicating that brings us one step closer to equality.

BTW, I've seen a lot of your posts, and you take s**t too personal. Slow your roll, man, before you have a coronary. :lol:



cannotthinkoff
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15 May 2014, 11:38 am

CynicalWaffle wrote:
cannotthinkoff wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
Yeah, it is pretty stupid.

It's like that picture that is going around online. An overweight guy wants a bikini model; everybody treats him like crap and tells him to lower his standards. But then an overweight girl wants a bodybuilding guys, and everyone praises her.

It's basically telling women that they are all entitled to be loved, while telling men that they suck for having the same standards as the overweight woman. Shouldn't both men and women be treated the exact same for that?

Are you delusional? The fat girl did not want a bodybuilder, she wanted an old bold fat ugly guy with nice personality. NO one praises the fatso who feels entitled to get the orlando bloom. Where did you get this idea?


In your fantasy world, maybe it doesn't happen. But this happens a hell of a lot in real life. Men are demonized for having standards, and women are not. Eradicating that brings us one step closer to equality.

BTW, I've seen a lot of your posts, and you take sh** too personal. Slow your roll, man, before you have a coronary. :lol:

I dont know in what sort of delusional fantasy you are living in, but well good for you then. Men should be demonized and shamed if we want our society to change. I have high intolerance for sheer stupidity.

I may write mean things, but dont worry I really dont give a s**t.