Page 1 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

infilove
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 649
Location: North Charleston SC

17 May 2014, 11:28 pm

I can't say I was bullied really bad like some people, I never gotten beat up or anything like that, many people seemed to respected me and all BUT I did have times where I did get mad fun of a lot and get looked down at by the masses and this often happened because of one or two people. What I found to really be the issue was actually one or two people being culprits of ruining things like reputation, chances of making friends, being invited to social activities, or even going on dates. When I was in 8th grade for example, I was in many classes where I felt like most people initially thought I was pretty cool, nice, a good person and seemed like things could have been increasingly good for me in terms of reputation until one or two people would ruin it for me. They would make fun of me or say something bad about me in-front of everyone in a classroom and suddenly the whole class's opinion about me would change. Change because they heard someone, in which they thought was cool and looked up to, make fun of me. I've always hated that, because it's like things are good for me in terms of reputaton but then it gets ruined by a few jerks. Has that happened to you too?


_________________
James Hackett

aspie quiz results; http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1= ... =80&p12=28


SoftwareEngineer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2014
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 578
Location: Tonopah, AZ, USA

18 May 2014, 12:36 am

infilove wrote:
I can't say I was bullied really bad like some people, I never gotten beat up or anything like that, many people seemed to respected me and all BUT I did have times where I did get mad fun of a lot and get looked down at by the masses and this often happened because of one or two people. What I found to really be the issue was actually one or two people being culprits of ruining things like reputation, chances of making friends, being invited to social activities, or even going on dates. When I was in 8th grade for example, I was in many classes where I felt like most people initially thought I was pretty cool, nice, a good person and seemed like things could have been increasingly good for me in terms of reputation until one or two people would ruin it for me. They would make fun of me or say something bad about me in-front of everyone in a classroom and suddenly the whole class's opinion about me would change. Change because they heard someone, in which they thought was cool and looked up to, make fun of me. I've always hated that, because it's like things are good for me in terms of reputaton but then it gets ruined by a few jerks. Has that happened to you too?


Numerous times. The bullies are using the general group to indirectly bully you. That is a common behavior by manipulative bullies.



GiantHockeyFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,293

18 May 2014, 11:59 am

It's not the class bully that was the problem by himself but, like with Hitler, the masses are the ones who cause the damage by blindly following a sociopath. The Grade 8 kids believed ANY ridiculous lie about me and some persist to this day (like me being Gay). That's what I found so hard to understand, why people blinded follow people who were clearly not be trusted and can't spend 5 seconds talking to me. Kids even did acts that would otherwise be unthinkable just to fit it, something unthinkable to an Aspie teen!



slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

19 May 2014, 7:21 pm

It happens to me sometimes, but it's not always lies that they make up about me. Sometimes I said something and they would twist it into something that it wasn't to where it would make me look bad in some kind of way. It's like they would try to make it out like what I said had a different meaning to it and would sometimes make up explanations to people about why I was doing something or behaving a certain way. Like if I avoided someone who would bully me they would make something up like I was doing it to try to act stuck up. I just know this because sometimes they talked about me to where I could here them or someone else would say it to me. There's also some people that would completely cut me off if they were around while someone else was talking to me. Some would also point out flaws, mistakes I would make or exaggerate them. Then sometimes they would just be rude to me and others would follow. It seemed like they would know how to manipulate almost any situation. I would also have trouble explaining it and standing up for myself and sometimes when I would try it seemed like they twisted that around too. I try to avoid those kind of people as much as I can.



infilove
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 649
Location: North Charleston SC

30 May 2014, 10:59 am

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
Numerous times. The bullies are using the general group to indirectly bully you. That is a common behavior by manipulative bullies.


YES! That's exactly what it seems like what they try to do. It bad. In addition, they don't even have to say much, just one or two little words effortly that hit the mark, and then the sheaples to the rest while they sit back and enjoy the show. Well I just know, when someone does something mean, "They know not what they do."


_________________
James Hackett

aspie quiz results; http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1= ... =80&p12=28


infilove
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 649
Location: North Charleston SC

30 May 2014, 11:01 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
It's not the class bully that was the problem by himself but, like with Hitler, the masses are the ones who cause the damage by blindly following a sociopath. The Grade 8 kids believed ANY ridiculous lie about me and some persist to this day (like me being Gay). That's what I found so hard to understand, why people blinded follow people who were clearly not be trusted and can't spend 5 seconds talking to me. Kids even did acts that would otherwise be unthinkable just to fit it, something unthinkable to an Aspie teen!


Yeah, it's strange how masses will fallow like that so easily isn't it?


_________________
James Hackett

aspie quiz results; http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1= ... =80&p12=28


infilove
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 649
Location: North Charleston SC

30 May 2014, 11:04 am

slw1990 wrote:
It happens to me sometimes, but it's not always lies that they make up about me. Sometimes I said something and they would twist it into something that it wasn't to where it would make me look bad in some kind of way. It's like they would try to make it out like what I said had a different meaning to it and would sometimes make up explanations to people about why I was doing something or behaving a certain way. Like if I avoided someone who would bully me they would make something up like I was doing it to try to act stuck up. I just know this because sometimes they talked about me to where I could here them or someone else would say it to me. There's also some people that would completely cut me off if they were around while someone else was talking to me. Some would also point out flaws, mistakes I would make or exaggerate them. Then sometimes they would just be rude to me and others would follow. It seemed like they would know how to manipulate almost any situation. I would also have trouble explaining it and standing up for myself and sometimes when I would try it seemed like they twisted that around too. I try to avoid those kind of people as much as I can.


Yeah I notice when people do that, they many times will do it in the form that you describe- twisting the truth. It really shows how desperate some people want to bully. I still find it odd wrapping my mind around the fact that some people want to do that so badly. It's probably deep seated insecurity they have within them selves.


_________________
James Hackett

aspie quiz results; http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1= ... =80&p12=28


SoftwareEngineer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2014
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 578
Location: Tonopah, AZ, USA

30 May 2014, 11:37 am

This is a cut-and-paste of something I wrote in another thread. My own experience with bullies made the situation absolutely obvious to me. But, most people miss the manipulation.

One day, while school children were walking home, a kid picked up some rocks, stood behind my car, and he threw the rocks while shouting taunts at three other little boys walking ahead. He threw rock after rock, but never hit any of the other kids - the rocks hit the ground short and simply rolled up to the group. The group of three eventually succumbed to the taunting, picked up rocks, and threw them back at the kid hiding behind my car. Of course, some of the rocks struck my car. It's an old Suburban with the rear seats removed which I use as a hauler - I don't care about it's cosmetics. I stepped outside whereupon the kid hiding behind my car stood up, pointed at the group of three, and proudly proclaimed "Those guys threw rocks that hit your car!" I called out to the three and they walked back with their heads hanging in shame - one was wiping back tears. With all four standing in my driveway, I told the boy who had instigated the rock fight the leave my yard and never return - I told him that is absolute and permanent. In anger, he left. Then, I had a chat with the other three. First, I told them they were not in trouble, I didn't care about any damage to my old junker, and I did not intend to tell their parents. After that, we talked through what had happened. During our chat, they realized that a bully, using manipulation, had set them up for trouble and provided them with the ammunition, plus the bully made himself the target, so he might evoke sympathy later. I told the kids, bullies have a standard pattern of development: First, they throw rocks directly at people and hit them; Second, they get their victims the throw rocks at others (in this case, my car) and get in trouble; Finally, they get their victims to throw rocks in their own faces and hurt themselves. I told those youngsters to watch out for people, like the bully, who manipulated them, because that type of bully only gets worse - they become more proficient, more manipulative, and more destructive. And, bullies think alike, so the bulling of one is a segue for another - bullying is often a team effort. A victim can be passed from bully to bully like a baton. In the case of the three kids, I hope knowledge alleviated their vulnerability.

There is another pattern followed by the manipulative bully: Step one, they try to convince their victim that everything the victim does is wrong; Step two, they try to convince their victim that what the victim did was right, but the way the victim did it made it wrong; Third and finally, the bully commits absolute emotional sabotage by convincing their victim that everything they do is wrong, simply because the victim did it. All three steps can be done through both subtle and brute means. If I had yelled at the three kids with all the rest that might have happened, what do you think the instigator would have said to the group of three?



0bey1sh1n0b1
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 138
Location: DMV Area

30 May 2014, 1:29 pm

Whoa whoa whoa... there is too much to read on this thread so I may be beating a dead horse here. But reputation! Maybe it is the masses with the problem or maybe it's your perception but let's say the masses have the problem of looking up to the bully. If the bully tries to make any negative remarks toward you and it is anything other than intelligent ie: name calling then they have opened themselves up for ridicule. That shows that they have low self esteem and you should quickly take advantage of that and exploit it. Your problem is you care too much what others think of you that you miss an open opportunity to redeem your "reputation" in the eyes of public.

You guy need to think on your feet. Bullies target everyone. It's their persona and they don't discriminate... well they do preferential treatment against the weak but that's because you show yourselves as open targets. Path of least resistance my friend. But once you show some spunk they'll back off.



Drake
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,577

01 Jun 2014, 7:40 pm

This is an interesting topic. How do you counter a master manipulator?



0bey1sh1n0b1
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 138
Location: DMV Area

02 Jun 2014, 7:29 am

Drake wrote:
This is an interesting topic. How do you counter a master manipulator?


Bully and Master manipulator are two different topics. Although some bullies do carry the trait of manipulation not all bullies do. In the instance described by the OP there is no manipulation going on. This is a perception issue or low self esteem that the OP has. The bully sees that and exploits that. If he wants to counter this bully he needs to change how he sees himself. Otherwise the bully always wins.

Tip: You need to drop this whole "reputation" biz. That's problem number one. Although your peers may verbally acknowledge reputation they non-verbally see it in the dominance of an individual. If you have confidence in yourself regardless of what other's say there is a non-verbal perception of dominance in you and anything said by the bully will end up being ignored or forgotten soon. People tend to gravitate toward confidence and that is what you need to work on. Another thing to consider is in the real world your "reputation" in school does not mean squat. So why are you worried about it. Truth be told if there is such a "reputation" in the real world it is defined by money, position, and power. In order to achieve that you need to work on intelligence and education. Luckily a strong self esteem feeds into our intelligence. Again the smarter you are the more people find you interesting and gravitate towards you. Yes I know there is a caveat for us aspies since we scare off most people but you are likely to have more friends if any if you have more self esteem. Just understand and acknowledge that you can't win everyone over. In the end with a strong self esteem and a good education you will end up with a good job, good woman and good lifestyle. That certainly beats any "reputation" you are trying to earn in school. IMHO trying so hard to earn a "reputation" is counter productive and in the end inevitably makes you loose more "reputation" than you were trying to gain in the first place.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

03 Jun 2014, 7:34 pm

It doesn't stop happening at school.

You will find the majority of people will believe what someone else says as opposed to finding out for themselves.



Drake
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,577

04 Jun 2014, 5:37 am

0bey1sh1n0b1 wrote:
Drake wrote:
This is an interesting topic. How do you counter a master manipulator?


Bully and Master manipulator are two different topics. Although some bullies do carry the trait of manipulation not all bullies do. In the instance described by the OP there is no manipulation going on.


infilove wrote:
When I was in 8th grade for example, I was in many classes where I felt like most people initially thought I was pretty cool, nice, a good person and seemed like things could have been increasingly good for me in terms of reputation until one or two people would ruin it for me. They would make fun of me or say something bad about me in-front of everyone in a classroom and suddenly the whole class's opinion about me would change. Change because they heard someone, in which they thought was cool and looked up to, make fun of me. I've always hated that, because it's like things are good for me in terms of reputaton but then it gets ruined by a few jerks. Has that happened to you too?


Looks like manipulation to me.



0bey1sh1n0b1
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 138
Location: DMV Area

04 Jun 2014, 7:30 am

hale_bopp wrote:
It doesn't stop happening at school.

You will find the majority of people will believe what someone else says as opposed to finding out for themselves.


That's what I call the bandwagon. Totally different subject outside of bullying though. Bullying dies off for most after school and when responsibilities start to kick in.



0bey1sh1n0b1
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 138
Location: DMV Area

04 Jun 2014, 7:37 am

Drake wrote:
infilove wrote:
When I was in 8th grade for example, I was in many classes where I felt like most people initially thought I was pretty cool, nice, a good person and seemed like things could have been increasingly good for me in terms of reputation until one or two people would ruin it for me. They would make fun of me or say something bad about me in-front of everyone in a classroom and suddenly the whole class's opinion about me would change. Change because they heard someone, in which they thought was cool and looked up to, make fun of me. I've always hated that, because it's like things are good for me in terms of reputaton but then it gets ruined by a few jerks. Has that happened to you too?


Looks like manipulation to me.


Manipulation means that you've changed the thought process of others for your own significant gain. He says he "thought" he had the reputation which leads me to believe he was not sure to begin with and has developed a perception. For all we know if he did have a reputation the name calling could have been looked at by others as jealousy and would have reflected badly on the bully. Name calling is not enough to manipulate minds. There is nothing in his story that says to me there was manipulation.



Drake
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,577

06 Jun 2014, 9:05 am

0bey1sh1n0b1 wrote:
Name calling is not enough to manipulate minds.

It is. Especially if the bully is popular. In that case, it really doesn't take much.