Page 2 of 3 [ 46 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,599
Location: California Bay Area

25 May 2014, 3:45 pm

Yes, this is not uncommon at all. Several WP members here have made posts like yours; they get flamed or banned from forums and don't understand why. It's a social communication thing. The exact problem depends on the discussion you are in, but, in my opinion, it probably boils down to one of two things:

1. Person A enters discussion with the primary purpose to discuss specific topic. Everyone else's primary purpose is to socialize; the topic is secondary to them. Person A doesn't know this and shows their interest in the topic (long posts, bringing the subject up over and over again, trying to have in-depth back-and-forth discussion while others just post briefly and don't respond much to each other). Everyone else on the forum sees this as being "too serious" or even aggressive, and therefore not conducive to their goal (socializing). They are not aware that person A simply has a different goal, and assume person A is trolling.

2. Person A makes comments that should be taken literally; everyone else on the forum reads into the comments meaning that is not there. Somehow, the meaning they "infer" is invariably negative. Whatever they think person A is saying takes on a life of its on (especially since they all tend to agree about what person A is saying; they assume their agreement means that they are correct) and, over time, dictates their perception of person A until person A is generally considered to be an as*hole.



AceofKnaves
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 157

25 May 2014, 3:53 pm

starkid wrote:
Yes, this is not uncommon at all. Several WP members here have made posts like yours; they get flamed or banned from forums and don't understand why. It's a social communication thing. The exact problem depends on the discussion you are in, but, in my opinion, it probably boils down to one of two things:

1. Person A enters discussion with the primary purpose to discuss specific topic. Everyone else's primary purpose is to socialize; the topic is secondary to them. Person A doesn't know this and shows their interest in the topic (long posts, bringing the subject up over and over again, trying to have in-depth back-and-forth discussion while others just post briefly and don't respond much to each other). Everyone else on the forum sees this as being "too serious" or even aggressive, and therefore not conducive to their goal (socializing). They are not aware that person A simply has a different goal, and assume person A is trolling.

2. Person A makes comments that should be taken literally; everyone else on the forum reads into the comments meaning that is not there. Somehow, the meaning they "infer" is invariably negative. Whatever they think person A is saying takes on a life of its on (especially since they all tend to agree about what person A is saying; they assume their agreement means that they are correct) and, over time, dictates their perception of person A until person A is generally considered to be an as*hole.


That also makes sense. I'm finally understanding what is going on my life. Le sigh. Does this mean I guess not to go on forums for a while?



btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

25 May 2014, 3:57 pm

Next time, say what you mean instead of "Um Spoilers?" that people can interpret as something other what you mean.
I don't know what you mean when you say "Um Spoilers?", there is no way for me to know that you "wanted to know if it was safe for me to jump into the conversation of the few episodes I have seen".


_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,483
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

25 May 2014, 4:00 pm

Nah, just be more conscious of these things while on forums. You can practice an awful lot on this forum right here because everyone's pretty tolerant of AS forum behaviour AND will offer up blunt constructive criticism advice when they notice you slipping. Alternatively, I suppose you could find a forum you're not very interested in to create an account on and just practice being more social on just to see how your interactions go with others and what you can learn from it and how well you can sustain not coming across like an as*hole. Then if you do get banned, who cares? :P


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


AceofKnaves
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 157

25 May 2014, 4:05 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
Next time, say what you mean instead of "Um Spoilers?" that people can interpret as something other what you mean.
I don't know what you mean when you say "Um Spoilers?", there is no way for me to know that you "wanted to know if it was safe for me to jump into the conversation of the few episodes I have seen".


It was clear in my head what I meant. And even then you don't sit there and start yelling at someone because of it.



btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

25 May 2014, 4:08 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
Next time, say what you mean instead of "Um Spoilers?" that people can interpret as something other what you mean.
I don't know what you mean when you say "Um Spoilers?", there is no way for me to know that you "wanted to know if it was safe for me to jump into the conversation of the few episodes I have seen".


It was clear in my head what I meant. And even then you don't sit there and start yelling at someone because of it.


Then say what you meant instead of "Um Spoilers?"
Other people don't know what is in your head and may interpret differently than what you mean.


_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!


AceofKnaves
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 157

25 May 2014, 5:31 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
AceofKnaves wrote:
btbnnyr wrote:
Next time, say what you mean instead of "Um Spoilers?" that people can interpret as something other what you mean.
I don't know what you mean when you say "Um Spoilers?", there is no way for me to know that you "wanted to know if it was safe for me to jump into the conversation of the few episodes I have seen".


It was clear in my head what I meant. And even then you don't sit there and start yelling at someone because of it.


Then say what you meant instead of "Um Spoilers?"
Other people don't know what is in your head and may interpret differently than what you mean.


But even then, there is a question mark. So wouldn't that infere something other than....like for me there is a difference between

Um Spoilers! <---with an exclamation mark v.s Um Spoilers? <---with a question mark

Wouldn't they be virtually different and don't you read question marks different?



starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,599
Location: California Bay Area

25 May 2014, 5:39 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:
But even then, there is a question mark. So wouldn't that infere something other than....like for me there is a difference between

Um Spoilers! <---with an exclamation mark v.s Um Spoilers? <---with a question mark

Wouldn't they be virtually different and don't you read question marks different?


Um Spoilers? can be interpreted as a genuine question or as a statement formulated as a question for rhetorical effect. For example, imagine I make a post asking, "how can I make money?" The obvious answer is "get a job," but, instead of stating that directly, someone replies, "um...get a job?" They formulate the response as a question to show that the answer is obvious. So that could be the way the forum users interpreted your statement.



AceofKnaves
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 157

25 May 2014, 5:40 pm

starkid wrote:
AceofKnaves wrote:
But even then, there is a question mark. So wouldn't that infere something other than....like for me there is a difference between

Um Spoilers! <---with an exclamation mark v.s Um Spoilers? <---with a question mark

Wouldn't they be virtually different and don't you read question marks different?


Um Spoilers? can be interpreted as a genuine question or as a statement formulated as a question for rhetorical effect. For example, imagine I make a post asking, "how can I make money?" The obvious answer is "get a job," but, instead of stating that directly, someone replies, "um...get a job?" They formulate the response as a question to show that the answer is obvious. So that could be the way the forum users interpreted your statement.


Oh I never really understood sarcasm and that kind of stuff. So I meant it the literal way.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,044
Location: my own little world

25 May 2014, 5:55 pm

I have not read the whole thread but just the OP and immediately I could relate. The kind of thing happens to me All The Time but in real life. I only have ever belonged to two forums including this one and I have done great in both of them. But I tend to have a similar problem with real life situations all the time. sometimes it gets to where I become terrified to open my mouth or say anything at all. I am so relieved that someone mentioned that it is definitely an ASD thing. I thought that I was being an evil person so many times and could not understand why or even what happened.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


btbnnyr
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago

25 May 2014, 5:58 pm

With or without the question mark, "Um Spoilers" is not enough information for people to infer correctly what is in your head. What is the purpose the "Um"? Does that add something to "Spoilers?" Do any of you know what I mean when I say "Um Carpet?" "Um <Noun>" phrases are usually not clear and easily lead to miscommunication most of the time, unless the context is super clear, or it is direct reply to question.


_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!


AceofKnaves
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 157

25 May 2014, 6:00 pm

btbnnyr wrote:
With or without the question mark, "Um Spoilers" is not enough information for people to infer correctly what is in your head. What is the purpose the "Um"? Does that add something to "Spoilers?" Do any of you know what I mean when I say "Um Carpet?" "Um <Noun>" phrases are usually not clear and easily lead to miscommunication most of the time, unless the context is super clear, or it is direct reply to question.


I guess its just the way I speak that blends into my writing. Cause at home, I am pretty much reserved same thing in public. Um is my filler word when I feel unsure about something.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,044
Location: my own little world

25 May 2014, 6:08 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:
What I wanted to know, since I am reading this is. Escape into Imagination seems greatly attached to the Female Aspergers. Can males develop the Escape into Imagination as well? Because that is something I still do today to cope with stress. I am a fiction writer, I like horror and fantasy.
Wow, I do this ALL THE TIME and I always have ever since I was a little kid. I had no idea it was an ASD trait.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,044
Location: my own little world

25 May 2014, 6:11 pm

AceofKnaves wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Yes, that's a pretty common AS trait. I don't recall reading/learning that it's more a female trait than male. Maybe it is, but I'm sure anyone on the spectrum can use it as a coping mechanism.


Sweet. Cause that part of the paragraph really spoke to me. Took me back to a not so good time in life, still not so good. I would much rather my imaginary world than the real one. Oh that sounds sad.

Its why Online forums and chatrooms appeal to me. Because I can design a persona and be more comfortable as that persona than my normal self. Man I hate sounding like a freak right now.

But basically my usernames and aliases are all characters in my mind. There are elements of myself of course. Like this thread is the truth. Its just my characters are always more confident than me, mentally stronger, the character is the strength in willpower and character. Its the mask I hide behind because I am not comfortable enough with myself.

Wow, does that sound stupid or crazy? I feel like a freak.
There is nothing stupid, crazy, or freaky about it. Nothing at all. It sounds very much like stuff that I do too. I don't create personas online. Online, especially here, you see me completely as me as I am but in real life, in my imaginary world, I do create these types of personas. It is a coping mechanism. I also think that different people will see different parts of me so very few people know the entire me. It's like my persona will change when I am around different people. So some might see the strong mature side of me others might see a weaker more fragile me, some might see more Aspie traits than others depending on which part of me that they see. So I understand what you mean. The stronger parts of me tend to show more around people I am not as comfortable with to show my whole self to. It's like the vulnerable side gets protected and does not come out as much. So many people don't see my Aspie traits because they stay hidden behind the mask of the stronger side of me. But that gets exhausting after awhile so I like that there are people that I can trust enough that I can be totally uninhibited with. If there are people that I don't trust at all, they will really see how Aspie I am because I won't know how to talk to them and I will make every social mistake in the book.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Last edited by skibum on 25 May 2014, 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AceofKnaves
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 157

25 May 2014, 6:15 pm

skibum wrote:
AceofKnaves wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Yes, that's a pretty common AS trait. I don't recall reading/learning that it's more a female trait than male. Maybe it is, but I'm sure anyone on the spectrum can use it as a coping mechanism.


Sweet. Cause that part of the paragraph really spoke to me. Took me back to a not so good time in life, still not so good. I would much rather my imaginary world than the real one. Oh that sounds sad.

Its why Online forums and chatrooms appeal to me. Because I can design a persona and be more comfortable as that persona than my normal self. Man I hate sounding like a freak right now.

But basically my usernames and aliases are all characters in my mind. There are elements of myself of course. Like this thread is the truth. Its just my characters are always more confident than me, mentally stronger, the character is the strength in willpower and character. Its the mask I hide behind because I am not comfortable enough with myself.

Wow, does that sound stupid or crazy? I feel like a freak.
There is nothing stupid, crazy, or freaky about it. Nothing at all. It sounds very much like stuff that I do too. I don't create personas online. Online, especially here, you see me completely as me as I am but in real life, in my imaginary world, I do create these types of personas. It is a coping mechanism.


Well I'll be a little honest and this might make me sound crazy at least this part. Ace of Knaves, Clown Prince of Crime, and Harlequin of Hate are all monikers of The Joker. And as much as he's a bad guy, he's one of my favorite characters in the Batman series. I even have a pair of Joker colored socks. They are simply the color of his suit and go just below my knees.

The point is that there is something powerful about his names. And it brings power. I don't have to be a villain or a criminal to respect a name that everyone would know and respect.

I don't like anything about myself in the real world

-I'm to insecure
-To shy
-To nervous and awkward
-I feel like an observer

I much prefer my stories, my imagination and my ideas. Because they make me feel confident, powerful, and respectable.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,044
Location: my own little world

25 May 2014, 6:20 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Neither. As you'll get to in your reading, creating personas & a "mask," to hide behind is an AS trait. In real life, it's psyching yourself up and temporarily becoming that stronger more confident person and then portraying it like a talented actor to get yourself through a given situation. It's quite draining, though, and then like an actor who's just given their best performance of their career, we tend to need time alone to de-stress and recharge. Doing it on forums with character personas is just the digital textual equivalent.

No need to feel like a freak when we're all the same type of freak around here. ;)
Wow, this is exciting. I did not know that this was an Aspie trait as well. I do this sort of thing all the time and don't even realize that I am doing it. I have done it all my life and it comes second nature now.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph