01 Jun 2014, 5:29 pm
starvingartist wrote:
[...--so when i developed a crush on him in high school, i got his attention one day between classes while passing him in the stairwell by lobbing an apple at him that had my phone number written on a leaf-shaped piece of paper i had taped to the stem (i called his name first so he would see it coming and not get hit in the face with it). i was really proud of that gesture, actually, not just because it was brave (he was much more "sought after" by the opposite sex than i was so riskier for being rejected) but also because it was clever--and darned romantic too, if i say so myself. 
Please see my first post on this thread. I threw an orange.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
01 Jun 2014, 5:39 pm
Tsk tsk, all of you guys are sexists for even pointing to some social/cultural facts. How dare you to even say that most women don't initiate asking out!
You sexist pigs, you are little Eliot Rodgers ! !
01 Jun 2014, 5:43 pm
Toy_Soldier wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
[...--so when i developed a crush on him in high school, i got his attention one day between classes while passing him in the stairwell by lobbing an apple at him that had my phone number written on a leaf-shaped piece of paper i had taped to the stem (i called his name first so he would see it coming and not get hit in the face with it). i was really proud of that gesture, actually, not just because it was brave (he was much more "sought after" by the opposite sex than i was so riskier for being rejected) but also because it was clever--and darned romantic too, if i say so myself.
Please see my first post on this thread. I threw an orange.
what is it about fruit that makes it so effective?
01 Jun 2014, 5:45 pm
starvingartist wrote:
Jono wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
The thread is not sexist, though repeating this (very wrong in North America) notion that men have to be the initiators is sexist (and, once again, totally false -- if women aren't coming on to you, it's not because they believe they can't, it's because they don't want to).
Not true. I mean you are right that it's sexist to say that women should never initiate but the part in brackets that says that if they don't initiate, they're not interested is totally wrong. First of all, you've ignored that from a cultural perspective, men are expected to initiate in terms of traditional dating roles. So, in my experience at least, most of the women I've interacted with would never take the initiative in asking a guy out first and would rather wait for the men to ask them. I'm not saying that there aren't some who do but most of the ones I've interacted with would mostly consider it against the norm. Secondly, you've forgotten that people can be shy. Lot's of men are interested in dating a particular woman but do not take the initiative in asking them because they too shy and socially awkward to do so. So, even if it were more common for women to ask men out on dates, I would assume that the same would apply to them if they were shy.
this may apply to the women you've interacted with, but i think if you ask around you will find that initiating romantic relationships is something a lot of women do with no trouble or fuss. in about 80% of the (admittedly not excessively many) relationships i've been in, i initiated the contact/interest. in fact, the first real boyfriend i had in high school i nabbed by using some old history we shared in a creative way: he used to live on the street running behind mine when we were children and would pick apples of our tree in the backyard and throw them at my sister and i--so when i developed a crush on him in high school, i got his attention one day between classes while passing him in the stairwell by lobbing an apple at him that had my phone number written on a leaf-shaped piece of paper i had taped to the stem (i called his name first so he would see it coming and not get hit in the face with it). i was really proud of that gesture, actually, not just because it was brave (he was much more "sought after" by the opposite sex than i was so riskier for being rejected) but also because it was clever--and darned romantic too, if i say so myself.
Yep. My first boyfriend was SO DENSE OMG it took forEVER for him to notice I liked him. In fact I'd given up. Then I cottoned on to this whole "direct communication" thing, and um...yeah, easily 70% of the men I've been involved with, I did the asking. Like straight up, everything from "would you like to go to [event] with me" to "I'd like to take you to bed if that's okay with you". I haven't worked with any fragile blossoms in quite a while, either, so I have trouble imagining that they all stood around twisting their hands and waiting to be asked out. I don't know how the elementary-age set are handling it...from what I can make out, the girls all extort "who you like" from each other, and the main point of having a crush is that you never ever tell the boy, except sometimes your friends do anyway, and then you might end up walking around together on the playground and all your friends say "woooo" afterwards and embarrass the hell out of you. They're all dutifully LBGT (or LG, anyway) educated, know kids with two mommies and two daddies, but so far all the crushy stuff seems to be strictly het. I think they're just lacking scripts.
01 Jun 2014, 5:47 pm
01 Jun 2014, 5:48 pm
starvingartist wrote:
what is it about fruit that makes it so effective? I don't know Eve.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
02 Jun 2014, 1:39 am
02 Jun 2014, 9:46 am
starvingartist wrote:
Toy_Soldier wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
[...--so when i developed a crush on him in high school, i got his attention one day between classes while passing him in the stairwell by lobbing an apple at him that had my phone number written on a leaf-shaped piece of paper i had taped to the stem (i called his name first so he would see it coming and not get hit in the face with it). i was really proud of that gesture, actually, not just because it was brave (he was much more "sought after" by the opposite sex than i was so riskier for being rejected) but also because it was clever--and darned romantic too, if i say so myself.
Please see my first post on this thread. I threw an orange.
what is it about fruit that makes it so effective? Because fruit is sweet.
02 Jun 2014, 10:16 am
02 Jun 2014, 11:31 am
02 Jun 2014, 8:13 pm
tarantella64 wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
Jono wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
The thread is not sexist, though repeating this (very wrong in North America) notion that men have to be the initiators is sexist (and, once again, totally false -- if women aren't coming on to you, it's not because they believe they can't, it's because they don't want to).
Not true. I mean you are right that it's sexist to say that women should never initiate but the part in brackets that says that if they don't initiate, they're not interested is totally wrong. First of all, you've ignored that from a cultural perspective, men are expected to initiate in terms of traditional dating roles. So, in my experience at least, most of the women I've interacted with would never take the initiative in asking a guy out first and would rather wait for the men to ask them. I'm not saying that there aren't some who do but most of the ones I've interacted with would mostly consider it against the norm. Secondly, you've forgotten that people can be shy. Lot's of men are interested in dating a particular woman but do not take the initiative in asking them because they too shy and socially awkward to do so. So, even if it were more common for women to ask men out on dates, I would assume that the same would apply to them if they were shy.
this may apply to the women you've interacted with, but i think if you ask around you will find that initiating romantic relationships is something a lot of women do with no trouble or fuss. in about 80% of the (admittedly not excessively many) relationships i've been in, i initiated the contact/interest. in fact, the first real boyfriend i had in high school i nabbed by using some old history we shared in a creative way: he used to live on the street running behind mine when we were children and would pick apples of our tree in the backyard and throw them at my sister and i--so when i developed a crush on him in high school, i got his attention one day between classes while passing him in the stairwell by lobbing an apple at him that had my phone number written on a leaf-shaped piece of paper i had taped to the stem (i called his name first so he would see it coming and not get hit in the face with it). i was really proud of that gesture, actually, not just because it was brave (he was much more "sought after" by the opposite sex than i was so riskier for being rejected) but also because it was clever--and darned romantic too, if i say so myself.
Yep. My first boyfriend was SO DENSE OMG it took forEVER for him to notice I liked him. In fact I'd given up. Then I cottoned on to this whole "direct communication" thing, and um...yeah, easily 70% of the men I've been involved with, I did the asking. Like straight up, everything from "would you like to go to [event] with me" to "I'd like to take you to bed if that's okay with you". I haven't worked with any fragile blossoms in quite a while, either, so I have trouble imagining that they all stood around twisting their hands and waiting to be asked out. I don't know how the elementary-age set are handling it...from what I can make out, the girls all extort "who you like" from each other, and the main point of having a crush is that you never ever tell the boy, except sometimes your friends do anyway, and then you might end up walking around together on the playground and all your friends say "woooo" afterwards and embarrass the hell out of you. They're all dutifully LBGT (or LG, anyway) educated, know kids with two mommies and two daddies, but so far all the crushy stuff seems to be strictly het. I think they're just lacking scripts.
in high school it was still up to the guys to ask girls out to events, and maybe this only applies to online dating but most advice suggest women wait for the guy to ask. I think okcupids data showed that guys do most of the initiating. Now since i've gotten more shy and not wanting to contact women all my contacts are from girls messaging me first,
as for in person , there is no way i'd know via flirting if they like me, i've been told post chance to do anything that a few women have flirted with me. I thought one at work was but I was wrong. I prefer online, cause if they messaging me then they have interest in me, its very clear. I do wish more women would just be like hey you're cute wanna go out, cause I don't know what flirting looks like.
02 Jun 2014, 8:43 pm
02 Jun 2014, 8:58 pm
02 Jun 2014, 9:02 pm
02 Jun 2014, 9:13 pm
02 Jun 2014, 9:14 pm
