BF asked another woman out secretly

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I would agree on, that there is nothing bad about having friends of the other sex, anyway if exes or not. But the thing that seems weird to me: If I meet up with friends of mine, I dont do secrets about that. I dont feel myself forced to tell my partner, but simply tell him, because its simply normal chitchat for me, because its simply about meeting my friends and coordinating our plans for evenings/weekends.

So if its normal for the threadstarters partner, not to mention, when he meets friends of him, ok. But if he normally tells her, then it would seem suspicious to me.

I'm sorry, but you don't send flirty messages to friends and mention "dates".

It just isn't normal. People are far too trusting of others.

Is it a date or is it simply a meet up with her as a friend? That's what I want to know. Just because you're meeting a woman for coffee or something, it doesn't mean that you have any intention of dating them or having a romantic relationship with them. Men with female friends do that too. If he's still friends with his ex, then I'm sure what the problem is, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's cheating.

LEAVE HIS ASS!
He can go kick rocks and blow bubbles with that BS.
"He said", "He says", "He said", the thing is "he did" those things. With action. And his ex to make it worse. There's no excuse for that. And he has the balls and audacity to get mad at "you"!?
I mean that just shows he doesn't give a damn about disrespecting you. There is no justification for this. First of all why is your ex number even in your phone? Like seriously?
So he's willing to throw 7 yrs away for lust.

Thank you for all your advice. He asked her to meet for coffee or something.
He told me felt shady & guilty & sorry, but he is only sorry to get caught.
I learned that he was dating her when he started dating me. We had sex even before he broke up with her.
Now I keep checking the phone to see if he's called.
I feel unimportant.
But it's a beautiful Friday.
All of your comments have been so helpful! It feels great to be a part of this community.
Thank you!

It is a nice Friday. If you aren't feeling too vulnerable, take the first step into finding someone who will think you're important.

Well I believe the most important thing in relationships is how you feel but before I get to that I?ll touch on cheating first. Cheating is just an action the only thing it affects is a sense of security as it raises the probability that he will abandon you. Considering his actions especially the ?wait for my call? I would rate the probability of his abandonment very high. Now, emotionally, I would ask how you feel in the relationship? Does he make you happy, feel important, safe, cherished, etc? If so then what he did is largely irrelevant as it doesn?t change the fact he makes you happy it only raises the probability of his abandonment and that your source of these emotions will abruptly end. If however he does not make you happy, feel important, safe, cherished, etc then these are the problems you need to work on with him rather than this ?ex? he asked out on a date.

I made the mistake to focus on the action in a previous relationship and this was a horrible mistake because if he treats you like crap, pardon the language, him talking to his ex isn?t the problem it?s that he treats you like crap thus not a specific action but rather his behavior at large that needs to be addressed. What he is willing and capable to offer in a relationship would be what needs to be addressed. If on the other hand he treats you very well then him talking to his ex is irrelevant to him treating you well so the only thing it affects is again the probability he will leave

Why can't he mention it to her then? It's the normal thing to do in a relationship. Seems very dodgy and secretive to me, he deserves the flick. Once a liar, always a liar. The fact you slept with him before he had broken up with his ex should ring enormous warning bells about the sort of person he is.

What really matters that he's cheating, how he got caught is a minor issue compared to his doing.
It's up to you whether you want to forgive his cheating or not.

When people feel guilty about something, they sometimes point the finger at you. It's shameful, IMO, but people do it...

I agree with everything Hale Bopp has said. Once there is a betrayal, there will always be doubt. I have had it happen with a few friends over the years. Once you screw me over, there is no going back. I will drop you out of my life without a second thought no matter how long or how good of friends we were. I don't do it to others and don't tolerate it towards me. If I was in a relationship (hopefully someday) I would have no problem walking away.

well..

"I find out he's texting, winking and even asked this woman (his ex) out on a date!" (texting+winking with an ex and talking about meeting up without him every mentioning that to his current GF ... its called 'keeping options open')

and then he gets super-defensive and butthurt about it (classical avoidance)

...and then there's a track record:

"I learned that he was dating her when he started dating me. We had sex even before he broke up with her. "

So, seriously, do you think this guy is not fooling around?

Plus, again... 7 years and he hasn't committed? You know what sleaze guys call such a long term girlfriend they won't marry?

TOY. (and much worse but this gets the idea across).

OP: I don't know if you saw more than just that set of txt messages... but now that he got caught its very likely he erased his entire history of texts just in case. You have no way of knowing how long he's been in contact with his ex or what he's done...or if he's done anything similar over the years with other women.

I'd immediately dump anyone who asked someone else out while we were together. No questions at all, I don't care why they thought it was okay, I don't care what was going through their head - I would never be able to trust them again.

Usually, you would tell her about it, yes. However, what I want to know is, does he usually tell her when he's meeting or with his friends? If not, then why should it be different if it's a female friend? However, if he usually tells her that he's meeting up with a friend, then yes, it would be a bit suspicious if he didn't tell her this time.

She didn't say exactly what he said in the text message, so that's not enough information for me determine whether or not he was cheating. If he had only asked her to meet somewhere, then that doesn't necessarily mean that it's a date, the OP could just be assuming that it was a date. If, on the other hand, he asked her if he could get back together with her or actually used the word "date" in the text message, then yes, it would be cheating.



Well, that means that he cheated on his ex before he broke up with her, yes. However, be that as it may, what's more important in this context is whether he continued seeing her in the intervening seven years. If not, then it's good chance that his relationship with his ex has been over for a long time anyway and maybe he's just friends with her now.



Regardless of what people are led to believe about marriage, believe it or not, commitment does not actually require marriage. Neither is it the case that marriage is the only way to commit. I've had friends who had lived with their partners for longer than that before they eventually decided to get marriage.Many people also choose to live together without getting married for various reasons, it does not necessarily mean a lack of commitment. Besides, the country that I live in also recognises common law marriages, where you could be treated as being married simply due to having lived together for a certain amount of time.

If he was too much of a coward to let you know the relationship wasnt working out and wasted 7 years of your life, feel free to kick his arse to the curbe. If he was trying to initiate another relationship, then he isnt being honest