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diniesaur
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11 Jun 2014, 10:52 pm

8O 8O 8O
I'm used to people staring at me when I'm with friends/acquaintances, but I always thought that was because of how we were acting. But now that I can drive on my own I find myself alone in public a lot more often, and I've noticed that people will still stare at me even when I'm alone and not saying anything--if anything, they actually stare at me for LONGER when I'm alone than when I'm with my people. This has been happening at the grocery store, the mall, the gym...pretty much the only places I've been going regularly lately.

I think it might be because I have awesome hair (I have a streak of bright color in it--right now, it's blue-green) but I wanted to check on here and make sure there isn't anything else that might be making them stare. It gets kind of weird when I'm at the gym and someone just STARES directly at me for like two minutes (at the other places I'm walking so the stares don't last as long).

Details, if they help: I don't have any other strange physical qualities besides my hair, and I don't wear any strange clothing (always jeans and a T-shirt). I haven't been overtly stimming in these places (as far as I know) or doing anything else weird. These are times when I'm not saying anything or near other people; just doing the same things everyone else does at the various places (finding groceries at the store, walking at the mall, exercising at the gym). I haven't had any older people stare at me, which I think makes sense since older people are usually the ones who say it's wrong to stare.
When the people stare, I try to avoid eye contact (I do this differently when I'm with my friends--I actually POINT at the people who are staring at me, but I guess I have less confidence when I'm alone). The people who stared at me longest (at the gym) stared at my face for a really long time--one of them stared for like five minutes total (every once in a while he'd look back at the machine he was using and then he'd go back to staring at me).

Is there anything else I could be doing to make them stare at me? Odd body language or something? I know my hair is awesome, but five minutes of staring? :roll: Plus, I'm pretty sure they're staring at my face, which is not where my color hair lives.



IncredibleFrog
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11 Jun 2014, 11:32 pm

Did you think maybe these people are attracted to you? That's likely the case, especially if they are primarily doing it when you are alone. Also, some people seem to think the gym is a great place to find a date. Guys tend to be the ones to stare, so if you are a girl (or at a gay gym) this is even more likely.



diniesaur
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11 Jun 2014, 11:38 pm

I doubt they'd be attracted to me since I'm not actually attractive and I don't ever wear anything revealing...just jeans and a T-shirt (and most of my clothes are really baggy and make me look bigger than I actually am, too).

Plus, if they were trying to date me why would they just stare at me instead of trying to talk? I know I'm not the best at social skills but I have a feeling the "five minute stare" is not part of the mating ritual.

On the other hand, the ones that stared the longest were guys who looked around my age...but then again, if it were an attraction thing why were they looking at my face and not my body?



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11 Jun 2014, 11:48 pm

Even if you don't think you are attractive, there will be guys who do. I wear jeans and a t-shirt when I work out, and there are always a few guys who consistently flirt with me. Guys don't just like sleazy girls, believe it or not.

Guys are weird, and they all have different ways of showing off for girls. If it WAS a guy your age, he was probably hoping you would notice him looking (and he wouldn't look at your body because that might be TOO forward). And there's a difference between watching someone and staring. Did you look directly at him and he looked away, or at least broke eye contact? I did he just keep looking directly at you and seemed indifferent.



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11 Jun 2014, 11:50 pm

Even if you don't think you are attractive, there will be guys who do. I wear jeans and a t-shirt when I work out, and there are always a few guys who consistently flirt with me. Guys don't just like sleazy girls, believe it or not.

Guys are weird, and they all have different ways of showing off for girls. If it WAS a guy your age, he was probably hoping you would notice him looking (and he wouldn't look at your body because that might be TOO forward). And there's a difference between watching someone and staring. Did you look directly at him and he looked away, or at least broke eye contact? I did he just keep looking directly at you and seemed indifferent.



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11 Jun 2014, 11:51 pm

Oops, sorry for the double post. My internet went all weird for a minute there.



diniesaur
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12 Jun 2014, 12:15 am

With the first guy (the five minutes guy) I made an effort not to look at him. With the second guy, I did actually look at him for a little bit (I was keeping in mind how I used to point at people who stared at me but still didn't want to draw too much attention to myself) and he looked away, but not super fast.

People never actually flirt with me, though (but that might be because I don't have the social skills to pick up on it and reciprocate, and because people who know me know I have an irrational fear of dating).
...so people want you to notice them looking? I thought staring was supposed to scare people.

I mean, I wear men's clothes, most of which are too big for me, making me look bigger and my breasts look a little smaller. The only part of my body that I'll go slightly out of my way to make look cool is my hair, and that's only by dying part of the jewfro some kind of awesome color. I have mild acne and my legs are hairier than my stepdad's...but I guess most people can't see that when I'm wearing jeans. I've considered getting shorts so people can see it because it scares most people away, but I'll probably never wear them because they're usually pretty uncomfortable for me. I also have nerd glasses. Nerd glasses are cool.

...do you think they might be trying to figure out if I'm male or female by staring at my face? Sometimes people can't tell at first. The second guy (who looked away after I looked at him) was really far away and probably couldn't see my face very well but probably also would have had a harder time telling. I know some people care a lot about being able to tell.



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12 Jun 2014, 12:17 am

I've noticed this too, perhaps a lot of it is psychologically, so like you notice people doing it more than it's actually happening. It's say it's the hair especially, I mean come on if you have that sort of subtle oddity you'd figure somebody would look at it for more than a second.



diniesaur
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12 Jun 2014, 12:23 am

Pitabread123 wrote:
I've noticed this too, perhaps a lot of it is psychologically, so like you notice people doing it more than it's actually happening. It's say it's the hair especially, I mean come on if you have that sort of subtle oddity you'd figure somebody would look at it for more than a second.


True, it could probably be mostly the hair. But the really long stares that last at least a couple minutes seem a bit excessive...but maybe some of these people are Autistic too or for some other reason didn't know better (usually I can tell by people's movements and/or voice patterns if they are on the Autism spectrum but since the long-staring people were working out and not talking I might not have been able to tell as easily)



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12 Jun 2014, 12:25 am

Yes, sometimes people want you to notice them staring. Especially if they look away slowly, that's sort of like they keep looking long enough for you to notice without being too intimidating. I know it's confusing, but just remember that most social situations are based off of context. If you don't believe me though, look up flirting by staring. Eye contact is another way guys flirt. And it doesn't matter if you look a little boyish, lots of guys like tomboys.



diniesaur
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12 Jun 2014, 12:29 am

IncredibleFrog wrote:
Yes, sometimes people want you to notice them staring. Especially if they look away slowly, that's sort of like they keep looking long enough for you to notice without being too intimidating. I know it's confusing, but just remember that most social situations are based off of context. If you don't believe me though, look up flirting by staring. Eye contact is another way guys flirt. And it doesn't matter if you look a little boyish, lots of guys like tomboys.


But...I don't want them to like me...I also have an irrational fear of people being attracted to me! (I know, it's weird...I want to have sex but I'm afraid of dating and I don't want anyone to be sexually attracted to me! Makes things a little difficult sometimes :lol: but I'm working on getting over it)

But if I do notice them staring like they want me to, what was the point? That one guy stared, and I noticed, and that was the end. Nothing happened...neither of our laser vision powers activated, no magical beams of light came out of our eyes, nothing.



Pitabread123
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12 Jun 2014, 12:51 am

Diniesaur, do you ever notice people "sneaking a peak" at you ever? What I mean is like say you're waiting at the train station and the person sitting right next to you turns their head really quickly to look at you, as to not make it seem like they're staring at you. This kind of pisses me off too because it's like they want to stare at me because they think I'm weird, but they're trying to be polite about it. Sounds like it might be a Minnesotan thing or something :P



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12 Jun 2014, 12:57 am

Don't let it bother you. I get weirded out by guys sometimes too, but there's nothing you can do about it. Most of the time nothing will happen. If you had smiled or given some indication of being interest, he might have approached you. So if you want to encourage him, next time smile at him. Otherwise, just ignore him.

Flirting is harmless most of the time. Usually the only girls who have trouble are the ones who do it too much, with too many guys. Sometimes it can get annoying though, so don't encourage him unless you want him to pursue you (and I'm guessing you don't, since you said you are scared of guys being attracted to you).

Also, if you are nervous about dating but want a relationship, dating a friend is probably the best thing to do. That way, you will feel safer and you also know he will be respectful of you and not take things too fast. Sometimes flirting can lead to friendships too, weirdly enough.



IncredibleFrog
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12 Jun 2014, 1:00 am

Pitabread123 wrote:
Diniesaur, do you ever notice people "sneaking a peak" at you ever? What I mean is like say you're waiting at the train station and the person sitting right next to you turns their head really quickly to look at you, as to not make it seem like they're staring at you. This kind of pisses me off too because it's like they want to stare at me because they think I'm weird, but they're trying to be polite about it. Sounds like it might be a Minnesotan thing or something :P


People do this to me. It gets annoying. In Japan it's awesome, because it's considered rude to look at anyone while you are on the train. :D



Pitabread123
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12 Jun 2014, 1:08 am

IncredibleFrog wrote:
People do this to me. It gets annoying. In Japan it's awesome, because it's considered rude to look at anyone while you are on the train. :D


This is interesting, because I've always wondered if there is there's any connection because population density and what effect awkward situations have on people. For example say you're in Tokyo, where you're constantly interacting with people in subtle ways, versus in rural Minnesota where you're not constantly with people. Also, isn't it universally considered rude to look at someone without the intent of talking to them lol?