Page 2 of 2 [ 24 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

IncredibleFrog
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 May 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 248

12 Jun 2014, 1:11 am

Pitabread123 wrote:
IncredibleFrog wrote:
People do this to me. It gets annoying. In Japan it's awesome, because it's considered rude to look at anyone while you are on the train. :D


This is interesting, because I've always wondered if there is there's any connection because population density and what effect awkward situations have on people. For example say you're in Tokyo, where you're constantly interacting with people in subtle ways, versus in rural Minnesota where you're not constantly with people.


I've heard that people in very crowded cities of China, can be very rude and pushy. I've also heard people say that when they visited Japan it was the opposite, that people were very careful of not getting in each other's way. I have friends who visit Japan and China regularly who have told me this. It's an anomaly!



diniesaur
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2011
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 759
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks

12 Jun 2014, 1:17 am

Haha, I see people "sneaking peeks" at me all the time, but usually when I'm with friends. I'm very used to people looking at me because they think I'm saying strange things (my friends and I are crazy) so that doesn't bother me. Being stared at while I'm alone is kind of weird though, and I don't feel as comfortable pointing and laughing at the people I catch staring at me as I do when I'm with my friends. I get the feeling that I'm not supposed to point and laugh, though... :roll:

...so they want you to notice them, and then smile? I guess that makes a little more sense than noticing them, and responding with a DEATHSTARE. :P I always thought that smiling when someone stared at you was a nice Neurotypical way of saying "I know you're looking at me. You can STOP now."

As far as dating goes...I wouldn't date anyone who's not a friend first anyway (luckily for me, I DO have friends). I don't want to date anyone just to get over the fear, because that's not fair to anyone (and I tried that a year ago anyway, and it just ended up terrifying me and making me not want to be around that person for several months). The thing that helped me start to get over my fear of dating a little was actually being rejected (I'd actually found someone I liked enough to pursue--MORE than just a crush, and more rational--even though I knew he'd reject me). I pursued him, and he DIDN'T try to kill me (the reason I'm scared is because one person DID) and he didn't hurt me...he just rejected me. It was awesome! But I don't want to go around asking people out who I know will reject me just so I'll get that benefit because I don't think it works that way.



Pitabread123
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 96
Location: Minnesota, USA

12 Jun 2014, 1:23 am

IncredibleFrog wrote:
I've heard that people in very crowded cities of China, can be very rude and pushy. I've also heard people say that when they visited Japan it was the opposite, that people were very careful of not getting in each other's way. I have friends who visit Japan and China regularly who have told me this. It's an anomaly!


I've been to Japan a few times, and I can't recall people being overly courteous or rude, just busy to get wherever they are. Dunno about China though. Here's a funny anecdote that bring this back to the main topic, white people in Asia stick out like a sore thumb and get stared at a lot, and I'll openly admit to doing it too!



LookingLost
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2011
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 598
Location: UK

12 Jun 2014, 6:45 am

I don't know of an answer to your questions, sorry.
I just know that people stare at me quite a bit too, and I can't figure out why. In the past I've dressed in ways that people might consider weird or strange, but I don't think I look that unusual now. Keep wondering if my behaviour looks more unusual from others' perspectives than it does to me. :)


_________________
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly...


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,214
Location: Maidstone, UK

12 Jun 2014, 12:24 pm

Aww, I know how you're feeling because I used to get the same. I still do have people looking at me now, but I have learnt to overcome the anxiety a bit. But before, it was really making me anxious and even annoyed. One stare from one person and I would dwell on it for the rest of the day. It was just so unsettling and I kept wondering what was so wrong with me what was making people stare. What frustrated me was it was people of all ages, not just other youngsters. It was mostly women that stared (old or young), but occasionally a man would stare, although I sensed it wasn't a flattering type of look, it was just the same sort of look at what the females gives me, which to me meant a critical look. I knew I was not doing anything weird or wearing anything bizarre, and I tried to make my appearance so that I just blend into the background. I thought I read somewhere that sometimes the way you dress can sometimes call out how you want people to react to you, like if somebody dresses in bright colours and dyes their hair pink or green or blue then it's obvious that they want people to notice them and look at them, but if somebody just dressed stylish but casually it's usually clear that they don't really want to be noticed too much (although it might not always be the case, as most people do dress casually).

Maybe it is your hair that makes people look, but I don't know why they would stare. It is a bit rude and I thought NTs would know better (it is more likely than not that most people who you've caught staring are NTs). It can be frustrating when you know that you're a normal/average person on the outside and there should be no reason why you should experience people staring so much. It is VERY frustrating. The way I learnt to deal with it was, well, I sort of focused on something else about people that makes me anxious, which sort of drawn my attention away from the people-staring-at-me anxiety, and now I hardly notice that much, which has led to feeling less like people are looking at me at all. But it's hard to get somebody else to change their thoughts whilst going through an anxiety period like I did. You will overcome this some day. In the meantime, just keep writing posts on here about this sort of anxiety, or even PM me if you experienced another person staring at you, and tell me about the situation. It won't bore me because I could tell you a million experiences I've had of people staring at me.


_________________
Female
Aged 29
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder


2chainz
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 18 Oct 2015
Age: 24
Posts: 5

18 Oct 2015, 12:46 am

People usually stare at me cuz I'm cute and their f*****g jealous!
That's why.
Fcking communists they all are...



2chainz
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 18 Oct 2015
Age: 24
Posts: 5

18 Oct 2015, 12:50 am

In all seriousness It's a combination of their sympathy, self-amusement, and the fact that I was born with such a cute face (not lying, as in puppy cute), which is even more aggravated by my uncontrollable displays of anxiety and awkwardness.
It really sucks because when I think a girl has a thing for me, and she hugs me, she isn't actually into me.



hmk66
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 20 Feb 2015
Posts: 317

22 Oct 2015, 11:17 am

I have the same issue. It is mainly young women (and sometimes men) staring at me. I wonder why they do. I look 10 years younger than I am really are. I am 49 years old. People estimate me, that I am 40 years old, or even 35. I have youngish behaviour and I have a lot of energy. The last year I lost some 14 kilos. I was too heavy and now I am in the right weight bracket (between 59 and 81 kg). I am 78 kg and 1.80 m.

I have a young face, my neck is thinner and longer than average, much like a female neck. Women stare at me or make noises (talking are laughing loud. They don't laugh at me, but they laugh because of the jokes they make). I am curious what noise that is, and then I look at them.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,214
Location: Maidstone, UK

24 Oct 2015, 10:34 am

I have women staring at me, mostly younger women in their 20s. I used to get teenage girls staring, but I don't any more.

Often I feel people gawp at me as they walk by. I don't look at them, I look ahead, but I just see them in my periphery.

Sometimes I think that girls my age are laughing at me as they go by when I'm at a busy shopping centre, but I think that's just my imagination. Girls love shopping with each other, and they're probably just feeling happy and so they sound a bit loud and laughy, and someone with SAD like me will automatically think they're always laughing at me.


_________________
Female
Aged 29
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder