Aspie Women, Do you prefer AS/AS or AS/NT for yourself?

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I would definitely be interested to hear someone's opinion about an experience/experiences with aspie men, but I don't think it's necessary, or helpful, or kind, or fair, or useful to dialogue, to place all aspie men into only three categories, especially when a man must be in a "seemingly solid relationship" to wind up in an inoffensive category. That's not even logical. I mean, the man must be single to get into the "seemingly solid relationship," so did a super needy guy suddenly meet a girl and become solid? Or does he come from the misogyny group? Or is this third a fixed group, and relationships neither begin nor end. Oh my gosh, my brain right now --- "does not compute". I'm almost as angered by the lack of logic as I am by the insults themselves!

Furthermore, while I agree that a person can make a misogynistic comment or can sound super needy, it doesn't mean that one post (or even a few thousand) is the only mark of a person's character. Feelings, especially, are changeable. If someone is depressed and bombarded with negative thoughts, then maybe they might seem needy to someone who reads a few of their posts. Maybe, though, there is more to us than the snippets that we leave on this forum. We should take these snippets not to categorize people but rather to better understand them.

Also, statistics should be used responsibly. (Roughly 89% of all statistics have been made up.)*
*[sarcasm sign]


I'd also like to answer the original question. I think I want to try AS/AS, but I have very limited dating/relationship experience. I can assure you that there are NTs who are cold and don't want to know their partners' feelings. Actually, I can only assure you that there is one. As for the rest, I hope I never find out.

If I were getting married to an aspie guy, I would really like it to be AS/AS/NT marriage, though. I, at least, could use a wife. It wouldn't be romantic between her and us, but she'd be an ambassador and a translator, you know? (Yes, I realize that this could be terribly offensive if this were not a bizarre hypothetical. Also, even if we had a really fabulous relationship, I don't think any reasonable woman would want to join it with so little inducement.)

I don’t find the three-person relationship offensive. I find it unlikely.

There have been productive three-person relationships in the past that I’ve read about.

But I, myself, probably wouldn’t want to get into that sort of relationship.

Oh, I wasn't taking exception to a three person relationship. An unequal thruple, though, seems like it would not be very fair. My thinking was also that we would be unlikely to find someone who was happy being married to two people whose bed was banging against her wall every night. (Is every night too ambitious? Do you think I'll ever find someone who loves jumping on the bed as much as I do?)

My ideal match would be AS/AS. I imagine that an NT partner would be more sociable than someone on the spectrum, and they'd want to go to parties or gatherings. Worse still, they might want to host friends or relatives in our home. Of course I'm generalising, but it is certainly more likely for an NT to be sociable than an AS, and that would be very stressful for me. Social energy would be my number one consideration in choosing a partner. The other issues pertaining to a person's special interests or communication style wouldn't matter as much to me, so long as we had a few shared interests and we both valued privacy / time alone. If they could understand my mutism and my stimming, it would be even better.

In retrospect of my life, the only people I've dated or been interested in had strong AS characteristics even if they weren't formally diagnosed.

To answer the original question: I love my AS boyfriend. I think most of my previous partners were probably on the autistic spectrum, and the others, who were probably NT, were at least on the introverted side.

As I said in another thread just now:

If one is going to consider relationships with partners on the spectrum, it's important to keep in mind that ASD is a very broad category. It would probably be a good idea to make lists of which specific autistic traits you would be willing to accept in a partner vs. which specific traits you would not be willing to accept.

In any case, here and here and here are some lists of positive traits common among autistic people. (Note: These articles contain some over-generalizations.)