Aspie Women, Do you prefer AS/AS or AS/NT for yourself?

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I haven't dated any confirmed AS guys, but I have my suspicions. I've dated lots of NT.
I prefer... someone who at least tries to understand me, and doesn't make excuses for their sh***y behavior.
The worst part of dating an AS guy doesn't even try to think about things before he says them, and NT guys can be pretty dismissive and aggressive.

Ugh. I'm over it.

I'll caveat this by by saying still awaiting eval (tho therapist thinks I'm ASD) :
My experience with AS guys has been negative. My last one - after I stopped being his special interest- became all about him and his concerns and nothing about mine. He also had some resentment toward woman (not surprised by that given what some of the men on WP post). I gave up on him a month ago after several yrs of going round and round. Interested NT's at least make an effort to be a partner in the relationship.

Looks like it's too late to edit my post but: between the aspie men in my family, in my life otherwise, and the men on WP - 1/3 of whom are misogynists, 1/3 of whom seem super needy for a GF, (and only 1/3 in a seemingly solid relationship)- I'm just turned off to aspie men at this point.

Are you trying to stir up peoples emotions?

Last edited by Amity on 31 Aug 2019, 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

NT guys or AS-ish woman

I'm assuming that's to me? The question was about the pref for ND or NT relationships. I'm saying that what I've encountered from ND men - including my last relationship- makes me disinclined toward them. Having said that, NT relationships are difficult too but I've encountered more problems in ND relationships and interactions.

Perhaps you might dial down the misogyny accusations?

I read it's not as bad as it used to be. Is that dialed down sufficiently?

Just this morning I read a post in which a man called a woman a b***h. This type of comment is not an anomaly- I could probably find one such almost every day. I don't see woman all over this board calling men dick^&%$# or ass$%^&#, but if they did then they should be called out too.

Ok, this sub forum is significant as it gives women on the spectrum space to talk, its not a place to bash aspie men. We need this space to function for all women.

If an autistic chap wrote that 1/3 of the female WP members were misandrists (it is a serious allegation being called men Haters, to dilute its meaning is to undermine its meaning), in the nonexistent mens forum, I estimate an emotional reaction from the female members, it might almost feel to me like he was 'baiting' for the fun of it.

Political type discussions belong in PPR.

You will think as you will, and I as I will. I've discussed this enough with you.

We need these kinds of discussions. Sometimes important things aren't easy to talk about and will make someone uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be talked about. I also see men who are hateful get defended a lot but women are scolded more easily and readily. And this is a women's space in the forum and she has had negative experiences with men and it's okay to talk about that... Hell, I've been catcalled walking to my mailbox outside my house. I'm a little bit bitter too.

Are you really saying I am attempting to silence someone on a wider topic by requesting that for the functioning of this sub forum, they specifically dial down the accusations of misogyny towards members of this website?





Its important to note that this site has global members, yet at times alienates due to many members forgetting this. People often talk as though their country is the only truth.

To clarify, my issue is with using this sub forum as a space to bash the autistic male members. Try 'heartlessaspergers'@hateful.com. It's very welcome there.

Respect usually works both ways, unless, in my observations, there is a desire for imbalance of power.

It's taken too long to recover from the gender wars, which shut down all discussion in this sub forum for months and months. Lessons have to be learned from the past, I've been part of that recovery period and as a result I dont take this place for granted.
Political topics belong in PPR.

I definitely see both sides of this conversation. It could be seen as provocative to say that a whole third of a forum's male userbase are misogynists. On the other hand, where misogyny exists it should be spoken up about, and I don't think it needs to be called a "political" topic. There has definitely been a toxic atmosphere at times and I can completely understand why that would be offputting to people. I would encourage users to always report misogynistic posts so the moderators can take action. WrongPlanet has rules against sexism and we don't want people who call women "b*****s" to be posting here.

red_doghubb
I regret not asking you why you feel this way about autistic men?

Much of the time, the “misogyny” here is a product of the frustrations of men who want a relationship, but have difficulty obtaining one.

They, then, develop distorted views of women, start quoting results of social science studies, and form an ideology based upon the inevitability of their “always alone” state.

They state the belief that “women have it easier,” which irks some women.

What we should do is educate people as to the fact that people are individuals, not statistical norms or stereotypes.

And not to assume that frustrated men really are misogynists...for I know that the vast majority of them are not misogynists.

We must keep in mind whether someone's current partner is on the spectrum or not, doesn't mean they are limiting themselves to such people should they become single again. Some people think "she currently has an NT partner, therefore, she'll only date NTs." Every NT is different, and everybody on the spectrum is different.