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bumble
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13 Jun 2014, 12:57 am

dianthus wrote:
I'm prone to throwing or whacking things when I get upset, but somehow I usually stop short of breaking them. I have broken my fair share of phones though.

Bumble I hope you meet your ideal mate.


I am wondering if pursing a mate is doing my mental health more harm than good. Maybe I should stop. I don't cope with relationships when I find them anyway. It's too difficult to keep up with all the social expectations.



Simplegirlviv
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13 Jun 2014, 6:06 am

My daughter who was around 6 or 7 at the time picked up her TV once in temper and threw it across the room. She is 20 now and still throws things when she is frustrated, but there again so do I.



kraftiekortie
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13 Jun 2014, 7:42 am

That's what life is all about, Bumble....finding the Love of your Life.

You have your pick. You could find a nice guy--maybe in an anthropology forum?

If you feel "that frustration," you know what to do :wink:

I have a wife--but I still feel "that frustration." It's inevitable, really. It's an excellent channeling device.

I would bet that Neanderethals--and especially Cro-Magnons--during the Paleolithic, had, at least to some degree, life partners.



bumble
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13 Jun 2014, 7:58 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
That's what life is all about, Bumble....finding the Love of your Life.

You have your pick. You could find a nice guy--maybe in an anthropology forum?

If you feel "that frustration," you know what to do :wink:

I have a wife--but I still feel "that frustration." It's inevitable, really. It's an excellent channeling device.

I would bet that Neanderethals--and especially Cro-Magnons--during the Paleolithic, had, at least to some degree, life partners.


Maybe the love of my life isn't a man...

DIY isn't much fun when you crave the touch and company of another human. I am a passionate person and enjoy intimacy.

Besides I probably missed my chance now. I should have married the one who proposed to me. I was with him for 7 years but got scared at the last minute. There was one other 2 year relationship after that with someone I met online and then...there has been nothing lasting more than a few months since. The 2 year relationship started when I was 25.

12 years since I split with him, 13 years since I got back together with the other, he asked me to marry him, and then I split with him too, and nothing...not one compatible mate in all that time.

That is a long time and I am really not deserving of the treatment I get from people. Even on here no one is really interested in me.

Someone from another aspie group told me come here and post an ad and that I would get lots of interest as I am pretty but no one here wants me either. people just don't want to give me a fair chance or even try to understand me do they?

It's creul what people are doing as I get worse treatment than a mass murderer would.

And yet I can be a genuinely wonderful person...how can humans expect me to like them and have a positive attitude towards them when they treat me so unkindly.

The more no one wants me, the angrier and more bitter I become. Being constantly rejected or feeling constantly unwanted by anyone who shows me even a modicum of respect does not make me see the error of my ways...it just makes me more bitter towards the human race. So I don't know what people think they are proving by rejecting me and refusing to give me a fair chance.

My situation is making me ill, the way people are treating me is making me ill (depressed)...there would be no depression if it were not for that (it is situational not clinical there is a difference).

And it's not just about them wanting me, it's about me wanting them too...attraction needs to be mutual.

I don't deserve this, I really don't.



Last edited by bumble on 13 Jun 2014, 8:08 am, edited 2 times in total.

kraftiekortie
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13 Jun 2014, 8:03 am

DIY is better than nothing. I believe it could prevent many things.

If you "Love of your Life" is a woman--so be it.

It has to come naturally, though. If, by now, you haven't felt that way about a woman, you'll never feel that way about a woman, I believe.

I've experimented when I was much younger--that's why I know I'm purely hetero.

I'm sure there are people on this site who are interested in you--but they are Aspies; you know about Aspies: how they can't make the first move.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 13 Jun 2014, 8:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

bumble
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13 Jun 2014, 8:04 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
DIY is better than nothing. I believe it could prevent many things.

If you "Love of your Life" is a woman--so be it.

It has to come naturally, though. If, by now, you haven't felt that way about a woman, you'll never feel that way about a woman, I believe.


I was thinking the love of my life might be academics and not human at all.



kraftiekortie
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13 Jun 2014, 8:09 am

Perhaps that could be true. You could find a person amid your love of academics. Maybe that person also loves academics more than people; you would have a commonality then.

In actuality, I'm more into my interests than I am into my wife. This is a sore point with her. She doesn't understand Asperger's at all. She's very social, and expects everyone to be the same.

Throughout history, there have been many of these sorts of relationships. Sometimes, they worked, sometimes they didn't.

As long as you'll be a good friend/lover to your partner, it's all right to be more interested in something like anthropology than your partner.

If I weren't married, and I was past retirement age, a cottage in a seaside town would have at least some appeal to me.



bumble
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13 Jun 2014, 8:18 am

I tend to be quite interested in my partner as I don't like them to feel neglected. I tend to like to pamper them with their favourite foods and lots of physical intimacy. I just have not found anyone who is compatible with me in 13 years. I do need more alone time than most regular females though and more social types won't cope with that, especially if they like a house full of people. I'd rather it were just me and my lover together.

I will always be passoinate about my interests, but the main reason I can't socialise as much as people want is because I find it exhausting and I must rest with some alone time/hobby time/nap time in order to recharge my energy levels.

I live in my own head a lot but not if its hurting those I love. I need to spend time with them to bond, otherwise bonding won't take place and the relationship won't get off the ground. It's not that I don't want to spend time with them, I just can't spend as much time as they seem to want or need due to my needing to recharge.



kraftiekortie
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13 Jun 2014, 8:29 am

What you stated is pretty the way I feel about relationships.

I would be one who wouldn't mind it if a lady has varied interests. I would love it if she shared mine. We could pursue them together, or we could pursue them in our own space. We'd respect each other's boundaries.

I once had a girlfriend who was able to read with me. We hardly ever conversed in these moments. We understood each other, though. We had lots of intimate moments. Most of the time, she and I didn't feel forced to be intimate. Many couples, especially in the old days, used to do that. They'd also read to each other (I'm not really into that).

I don't like a whole bunch of people around me

I don't mind cooking for my lady at all. I just hope she doesn't micromanage while I cook LOL

During weekends, I almost always take a nap of a couple of hours.

In sum, I'm a person who needs his space, and I don't like to impose upon others' space. I'm a friendly, even an amiable person--if people don't impose their space upon mine.



kraftiekortie
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13 Jun 2014, 8:46 am

Oh yeah...

I was NUTS about the weather when I was a kid. I once ran up a $600 phone bill because I wanted to know the temperature in every city in the US every day.

I still enjoy looking up the weather for places around the world I enjoy looking at Doppler radar.

Personally, I think the Met Office in the UK has to improve their forecasting methods LOL



KB8CWB
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13 Jun 2014, 12:03 pm

Some of the problem is practicality and distance. While you may meet people you like, if they are half way across the country or the globe what good is that? I have been in a couple of LDRs (long distance relationships) and they tend to fizzle unless you can overcome the distance thing in a reasonable time period. In my case, I am stuck where I am at this time but will also inevitably change in time too. The last online relationship I had was with a lady in Canada about 6 hours away from me. But with my mum's health I couldn't get away and her situation she could not either. If one partner can and will relocate then it makes it easier.

Part of the issue is I know I need to find someone who won't smother me. Yes I like intimacy and all that, but I need my alone time too. Whomever I find ideally should be similar and able to amuse themselves as I do with my hobbies. Add to that my typical Aspieness when it comes to crowds and gatherings and if my potential partner has a rather largish family and always having events it is wearing one me. I don't do crowds, noise, generally bantering and the like and end up sitting alone trying to cope with the over stimulation. I withdraw in my head and then all think me stuck up or generally weird.

Ideally if I were to find someone on the spectrum, that would be wonderful. However I live in the boonies with mainly Amish for neighbours and little to do in this area. The "hot spots" for meeting singles are either redneck bars (YUCK!) or the bowling alley. So I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I am alone and will stay that way. I immerse myself into my hobbies and get some social interaction online such as this forum.

So I don't know of any answers to this dilemma. My way of dealing with it is not to deal with it. I tried all the online singles resources and such and I suppose if you are desperate it is ok. Personally I would prefer meeting my intellectual equal so when we do interact it is stimulating interaction on an intellectual level. Yes sex and intimacy is nice, but it only goes so far. If that's all I wanted I'd try for a FWB thing but you have to have pretty sharp social skills and for me at least it has to be more then just physical. If anyone has suggestions, I am all ears (yea corny I know but not fully awake yet) :lol:

Edit: Apologies to the OP as it seems this has drifted rather far off the topic. Wasn't my intention....



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13 Jun 2014, 1:01 pm

I have broken many things due to my temper. I once broke a bone in my hand from hitting a brick wall. "Very Stupid" As fare as men go. I understand what you are saying. When I was younger I was lucky enough to find a man who did not talk much and we got together every once and awhile and cuddled and watched a movie together. After six years that ended because he wanted a more serious relationship. Since then I can not find another man like him. I'm now in my forties and seem to be okay with just my dog to cuddle with and watch Mr. Bean on Friday nights. I also have not broken anything for several years now. Although at work I have thrown papers when I get irritated.


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13 Jun 2014, 1:19 pm

Quote:
When I was younger I was lucky enough to find a man who did not talk much and we got together every once and awhile and cuddled and watched a movie together. After six years that ended because he wanted a more serious relationship. Since then I can not find another man like him. I'm now in my forties and seem to be okay with just my dog to cuddle with and watch Mr. Bean on Friday nights.


In my last relationship I was being constantly chastised for my lack to talking. No matter how many times I told her I'll never be a big on talking, it still infuriated her. It made me feel bad, but I'm at the point now where I will NEVER be made to feel bad about being who I am, again.



eric76
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13 Jun 2014, 2:30 pm

bumble wrote:
Do you ever break things in temper?
I have always had too much respect for the work it took to build or buy things to break them by anything other than accidentally.

To break something by choice for any reason is completely contrary to my nature.



Adamantium
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13 Jun 2014, 2:33 pm

eric76 wrote:
bumble wrote:
Do you ever break things in temper?
I have always had too much respect for the work it took to build or buy things to break them by anything other than accidentally.

To break something by choice for any reason is completely contrary to my nature.


I have sometimes broken things in anger. I would not say it was entirely by choice, but rather that I was briefly overwhelmed by a transient emotion that resulted in an action I would not normally have taken. (e.g., my fist in the wall)

I am large and strong, so it's a good thing that this very rarely happens.