Preparing for Counselling

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Your post is a living proof that psychology is meant for you to help yourself. When a shrink tries to do it, they can emotionally violate their patient. Many of them get delusional ideas that they own the patient's mind, with statements like "no, that's not how you really felt, try again". An adult is usually clever enough to outsmart the shrink, or assertive enough to tell him/her to buzz off, plus they have tobacco and alcohol to relax with after the session. But a child is virtually defenseless! I had very similar experiences when I was in my pre-teens. The therapist (I'm tempted to put a space between the E and the R, but it's unfair to the victims of the real crime) constantly grilled me about my feelings, and always looked at me with that patronizing smile, the way many of us would look at a kitten who just fell off the couch and failed to land on its feet. I also found it really weird that in her office, it was suddenly OK to swear and OK to cry, both of which are usually strictly forbidden for an 11-year-old boy. Somehow, I thought it was a trap of some sorts (to get me in trouble?), so I never swore or cried, no matter how violating her questions were. After all, just how normal is it for a young boy to be allowed to say "f___", "sh__", etc. when talking to an adult woman? Am I right or am I right?

I suppose I had a better self-defense than you did. To avoid the uncomfortable grilling, I'd fabricate---yes, fabricate---conditions that did not exist. For example, I'd pretend to get super-anxious about upcoming tests, when in reality, I passed them while barely studying. Or I'd talk about having nightmares, that in reality, I haven't had since I was 9. She'd, of course, give me words of sympathy, like "I'm sorry you're afraid to sleep at night". I found them to be kind of pointless, but that'd stop the feelings questions. She'd be happy she's doing her job, and I'd be happy I avoided being violated. To add insult to the injury, on days when I failed to stop her from making me sad, to I had to put on a happy face when leaving the office, because my parents would be picking me up, so they wouldn't ask why my eyes are wet.

I had a much worse experience with another shrink, who was testing me for ADD. (My sorry-excuse-for-a-human-being teacher sweet-talked my parents into having me tested.) The testing was bizarre, patronizing, and violating. I failed it miserably, and ended up with an "immature emotional development" diagnosis, which parents scolded me for. I ended up with depression for two weeks, that I couldn't get anti-depressants for because I was a kid. To cope, I'd sneak sips from my parents' liquor cabinet and replace them with water (at age 13!), and played video games until my eyes were burning and my head was throbbing. Very therapeutic indeed! I still hope she rots in hell.

To this day, I don't trust any psych worker who's not authorized to prescribe medications. I saw a psychiatrist as an adult, and my experience was great. He asked me questions what was bothering me (my boss), shared my anger with my work environment, and prescribed me anti-anxiety pills. The word "feelings" or its derivatives was never mentioned even once during the whole appointment. I also saw a psychologist as an adult. While my emotional arsenal was exponentially better (a proverbial AK-47, compared to a BB gun back then), I still found the sessions unhelpful. His M.O. was mindfulness/meditation, which I tried before and failed miserably. But as a person, he was actually pretty cool, so I stuck it out longer than I would have otherwise. He gave me some great ideas for things to see on my upcoming road trip.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 04 Jul 2014, 12:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

There are people who get something from therapy. Maybe it is best suited for people who have specific things that they feel they need to hash out and do not want to or can't work it out by talking with friends and/or family. I do know there are adults who benefit from it. I wonder if they have certain personality traits in common.

I wonder how much evidence there is on whether it benefits children and if so is the evidence broken up not just by diagnosis but the personality of the child.

I don't know that therapy works on adults for whom it is mandated, as opposed to chosen. I would guess if at a point the child chooses not to participate, it would not work on a child either. If I child is sufficiently troubled, it seems like it is standard for it to be recommended, regardless.

I have had other attempts at therapy in the past, which while not particularly useful, were at least not harmful, and I know plenty of people for whom it's very helpful. But those people are adults who chose to have therapy, researched the techniques that different therapists used, and chose someone who would be suitable. Then they chose another four people if that wasn't the right fit. That is very very different from seeing someone who wants to solve a problem you don't think is a problem with no understanding of why they are doing that, and with many tricks of the trade to get you to share things with them that you don't want to share.

Also, my point is that it shouldn't be used against the child's wishes and/or without the child's full understanding of what it is and why it is being recommended. Done that way it can be psychologically very harmful and damaging.

I have never felt disabled by my AS, only by depression, and the problems that this caused was a contributory factor in the development of that depression, and a contributory factor in not getting any help until it was too late.