I feel like such a loser, I can't stand myself.

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Girlwithaspergers
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23 Jun 2014, 12:26 pm

So, I was already upset today because I didn't get paid at work and I have to wait until Wednesday. Then, I got all excited thinking that maybe I could go to a program for just 1 year instead of college to be an LPN and make good money and be able to move out and have a life like a normal person and be able to tell my love interest who contacted me back and asked me what my major was that I am actually not a loser who just sits at home and watches SVU all day and stims about being famous. That is the truth. But, then I found out that it is too late to do all the prep work for this term and I would have to wait a whole year just to do that and be A LOSER for another year. I really don't want to take the theatre program at my community college because it doesn't feel right because I might not really get a job and then it would be a waste of money and I don't need it in order to get that job. But, there are also shoots in my area that I wanted to sign up for and my parents won't drive me there and they said to get a cab but I can't afford it and they don't like the idea and it just sucks because how am I ever going to get what I want? I am having so much trouble typing this right now that I need to correct myself. Plus I keep getting migraines all the time and not feeling well just whenever I have to leave the house. I feel like I am in love with this person on the email that I knew for three years and I don't want him to think that I am a loser!! !! ! I feel like such a loser, please help me!! !! !! !! !! !


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Dizzee
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23 Jun 2014, 12:28 pm

You're not alone, I feel exactly the same all the god damned time.

Also our post count is exactly the same :D


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Last edited by Dizzee on 23 Jun 2014, 12:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Girlwithaspergers
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23 Jun 2014, 12:29 pm

:D Thanks for sympathizing, if that's socially acceptable to say that.


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AspieUtah
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23 Jun 2014, 12:35 pm

From what I have read of your posts, you are far from being a "loser." You are intelligent and fair. That, at least, shows through the way you write. If your love interest can't see that, you might need to remind him.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Jun 2014, 1:46 pm

You could always take the LPN program next year. You're still quite a young person. Just be prepared for it next year. Or: does it actually start in six months?

What I would do, to belie the "loser" image, is to obtain some kind of employment, or volunteer at a homeless shelter or something.

You seem all right to me.



Dantac
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23 Jun 2014, 4:44 pm

You will only be a loser when you quit trying.

Seem to me you're taking on life's issues head on and even though it sucks and it seems mired you WANT to keep trying. Its ok to have 'moment of blues'.

You're not a loser. Keep at it. Baby steps all the way until you find yourself running :)



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24 Jun 2014, 11:02 am

Fascinating reversal stereotypically it?s the male who?s concerned about being viewed as a loser by a probably mate. I guess it makes sense that the female could experience this emotional state too but it never occurred to me.

Well you have a job as a clerk and you?re 18 years old I?d say your average for your peers so it is technically impossible for you to be a loser. So there are two methods to deal with this problem. One realize it is an emotional state rather than factual and thus learn how to manage your emotions. I require this path because I have a good job, I have a home, a car and I?m still a loser who goes for suicidal ideation. The second path is to fulfill whatever standards you have for success but if you?re like me this is probably not a good idea and you should seek to manage your emotional state instead.

Per your ?love interest? whether he thinks you?re a loser or not, in this case, does not depend on you. It depends on him and his level of intelligence. The migraines are indicative of a medical problem and then there are all the struggles of being an aspie. A rational person would judge you by a different standard than the average person so if he?s rational he won?t think you?re a loser.



KindOf
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24 Jun 2014, 11:55 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You could always take the LPN program next year. You're still quite a young person. Just be prepared for it next year. Or: does it actually start in six months?

What I would do, to belie the "loser" image, is to obtain some kind of employment, or volunteer at a homeless shelter or something.

You seem all right to me.


Yes, there's certainly no reason small things can't be done in the meantime. I always hated summers, but I'd do things like try to get published in small magazines or work on fitness.



Last edited by KindOf on 24 Jun 2014, 11:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

bumble
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24 Jun 2014, 11:56 am

Grr to society for feeding people shitty ideologies...

You are not a loser.

Enjoy life, you only get one of them. Stop worrying about what society thinks so much.

If and/or when I find a partner, I want them to be with me (and I want to be with them) because we enjoy each others company, because we make each other laugh, because being together and spending time together makes us happy, because we are attracted to each other, because we share similar ideals in life, because we can have many adventures together and because we can share love, affection and intimacy.

What they do for a living means absolutely bugger all to me.

It's the person I fall in love with, not their job...

If someone only wanted to be with me because I achieved x, y or z...I don't think I'd want to be with them.



kraftiekortie
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24 Jun 2014, 1:25 pm

Hi Bumble,

How are things?



bumble
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24 Jun 2014, 1:51 pm

I have pulled something in my back and am temporarily out of action when it comes to primal exercise.

Other than that, society still annoys me.



michael517
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24 Jun 2014, 2:11 pm

Any courses at the community college that could help you with the LPN thing? If its one year, its got to be intense, maybe you can knock some of the edges off?

Another profession in that field is "Medical Technologist", a person that does the lab tests behind the scenes. Maybe you could check out that.

My daughter is doing theatre stuff at high school, forgot exactly what its called, but its the behind the scenes stuff. The teacher in charge told the kids something to the effect of "If you got a back up plan in case theatre doesn't work out, you should do the back up plan." Which I think is his way of saying, its awfully rough making a living at it.



kraftiekortie
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24 Jun 2014, 8:04 pm

I don't care about "society." I care about being able to entertainment myself, so I could entertain my friends better.



Dantac
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29 Jun 2014, 7:10 pm

bumble wrote:
Other than that, society still annoys me.


Image



jrjones9933
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29 Jun 2014, 7:29 pm

I think doing theater has helped me function better in society, for what it's worth, so I wouldn't consider it a waste of money. Being an LPN sounds extremely stressful to me, though.

I hate to tell you, but I've had quite a lot of success lately, and I still feel like a loser sometimes. Those feelings, at least in my case, seem pathological and not at all logical. Definitely try to succeed, but you may have to separately deal with your self-esteem issues.