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buffinator
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24 Jun 2014, 10:11 pm

So, I've had very little luck with okcupid most of the time, but a pattern is emerging. at almost exactly 500 texts the girl I'm talking to either goes radio silent or breaks off the relationship (such that it is). I'm wondering what I'm doing.... or not doing that is causing this problem so consistently. I've given up on okcupid three times already but whenever I try to flirt with people in-person they get freaked out b/c I dont play the game correctly. More importantly I just flirt with the wrong people because I misinterpret things as flirting and most girls hide their attraction so I would never know if someone actually likes me or not who is just an acquaintance. IDK. The worst part is that I know the main problem is just me being unsatisfying to flirt with/ inconsistently or improperly romantic.

Of course the other issue is I have no free time so trying to date is a fools errand atm.


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Dox47
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24 Jun 2014, 10:20 pm

500 texts? Like you're sending 500 messages back and forth? If that's not a misstatement, than clearly the problem is that you're not asking them out and they're taking that as lack of interest/seriousness. I've gotten a lot of dates off of OKC, and my rule is to ask them out by the 3rd message if they seem interesting, as prolonged texting without any payoff isn't appealing to most people.


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buffinator
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27 Jun 2014, 12:59 pm

these are from the girls with whom I wont on multiple dates or at least a first date with plans for more. idk I stopped dating for a while and now that I want to date again I can't seem to get any dates and am just a little angsty about it.

I usually ask out on okcupid by message 5ish and if she hasn't said yes by message 20 I move on. texting is different though because everyone has such different expectations for the type and amount of communication. Honestly the discussions i have via text are probably too in depth and I should probably save the heavier material for in-person but idk. I'm not particularily good at flirting (or knowing when I'm being flirted with) and am really bad it via txt message, so the functional role that I feel texting plays for most people I am rather ignorant of.

meh, I've gotten better at the online dating thing but every time I go back to it, it just turns into a churn of lost potentials.


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sly279
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27 Jun 2014, 3:56 pm

I don't know when to ask them out, probably why a few of my interest disapeared. but I also am shy and afraid. I would prefer to get to know them a bit before risking meeting up .



Stargazer43
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27 Jun 2014, 4:59 pm

500 seems quite excessive regardless. I'd say try to limit yourself to like 1 or 2 a day.



buffinator
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27 Jun 2014, 10:44 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
500 seems quite excessive regardless. I'd say try to limit yourself to like 1 or 2 a day.


To be fair these are reciprocal convo's, not just me spamming people. I don't really know how to txt and not have a convo. Theres only so many times I can say "thinking of you" without sounding disingenuous.


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Stargazer43
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28 Jun 2014, 2:37 am

buffinator wrote:
Stargazer43 wrote:
500 seems quite excessive regardless. I'd say try to limit yourself to like 1 or 2 a day.


To be fair these are reciprocal convo's, not just me spamming people. I don't really know how to txt and not have a convo. Theres only so many times I can say "thinking of you" without sounding disingenuous.


I realize that they are, and I stand by my comment ;). Draw out the conversations rather than cramming them all into a short space.