Accepting the diagnosis

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So I was diagnosed with Level 1 ASD last week. Now, I was pretty sure I had it previously but it just came as a shock when I actually got the diagnosis.. I don't know if that makes sense or not... Anyway, what is the process of accepting the DX? I am currently stuck between "If I have ASD, then why did no one suggest this to me before, or why did none of my teachers see what a hard time I had making friends, and think something was weird, etc?" and "I really want to find others like me irl so that I can finally identify with someone." I don't know.. at this point, I am still just my own little island and while the diagnosis kind of helps me understand why I never fit in, I still don't feel relieved or like I finally have a name for what I have.. Ya know? So I was just wondering what everyone else went through before they accepted/ made peace with it. BTW, I am 25 and am the only "Aspie" I know irl.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Acceptance is different for everybody. I hope and expect you will find find yours. Getting diagnosed is a lot to process. It is not something that you can put a deadline on, it has to take time. Going here and discussing common experiences is a big help. Is there support groups in your area?

It took me a long time. I was diagnosed at 13, and I had already been placed in special classes because I clearly had special needs, but there was no formal diagnosis before then. When I got it, I freaked out - AUTISM??? There was a girl in my special classes who was profoundly autistic and never talked, just played with a balloon all day. Even though I would at the time spend hours running back and forth or bouncing balls against the wall, I could talk and I could read and I was so adamant that the diagnosis was WRONG because I was NOT like HER! (I'm ashamed now that I felt that way about a fellow autistic person regardless of our differences in ability, but I was a kid, and special needs were deeply stigmatized). I feel now that fighting it so hard then was detrimental to my process. I did eventually come around, and even become glad and relieved that at least what I was had a name, I wasn't just a weirdo anymore, there was a REASON I had repetitive patterns and meltdowns and a hard time relating to people. I'm 32 now and I'm an advocate for people with disabilities, and if I have the chance someday when I finish my education to do the work I really want to do, I think I would like to counsel young people who are in that place now to accept who they are and focus on what they can do instead of what people will think of them.

still in denial. say horrible things to my psychiatrist, like I rather be schizophrenic, as least there is a pill/cure that.... etc...

I was very upset, and locked myself in for months... still have a hard time dealing with it, and believe they are ALL SO VERY WRONG.

Think I will find a way in the end, but it'll probably takes years for me..... find it a horrible diagnose, esp.. Being female, my issues are different, and it just sucks.

Hi Mental,

I wonder if I can 'share' your thread as I'm in a virutally identical situation. I'm a 50 year old male in the UK and was diagnosed about 5 weeks ago now. Amazingly I'd forgotten about this site and have just stumbled across it again. I was a Headteacher until about 12 years ago when mental health issues forced early retirement on health grounds.

I'm not sure of the meaning of the levels, but a psychologist has diagnosed me with Aspergers. I'm partly relieved in that it helps to explain some very 'odd' behaviours which I thought previously were literally possibly me going insane. It also helps me to understand a lot more of the previous 49 years of living.

However, understanding is one thing, accepting is another as I can't help but feel a little bit bitter. I'm also often wanting to just be alone and am very tearful and over emotional. I go into almost a bubble where I just want to cut out everyone around me, even though it's only my family and sit and stare - is this normal?

I'll stop there, and please feel free to ask me to start my own thread about acceptance if you'd prefer, I won't be offended.

Mental, what specific issues do you have? I'm also female so I was just wondering. And I was like 97.3 percent sure when I self diagnosed but got a formal one because I don't know any one is AS irl, so I had no one to compare myself to. When I got the actual diagnosis I was shocked because I didn't fit into any stereotypes and ideals that the mass media thinks about us. But I have come to realize that I am me, I have always been me and that no matter whether or not I got diagnosed, I still had AS... if that makes sense. It's just nice to have a name for it. IDK, my entire life I have been... rejected and shunned so at this point (25 y/o), I am comfortable with being a loner, and who I am.

I am still working through frustration with my mother (who is a counselor, and has worked with ASD students in the past). She is the one that pushed for us to have our son evaluated. But through the process (which is when I got my diagnosis), I just couldn't - and still don't - believe that she didn't notice anything with myself. When I have talked to my wife about it - she said that she could understand her refusal to see it in me as denial. She mentioned that she had similar feelings when we first started the process for my son.

I am still really angry at the two MD's that I saw that tried to tell me that I was bi-polar...or just depressed. But I don't really feel much resentment from any of my teachers.

[/quote]
LongStoneMan - did the diagnosis come 'out of the blue', or were you already aware of the possibility?[/quote]

It came about 5-6 weeks after seeing a psychologist, then two very long sessions with the only specialist psychologist round here who can diagnose ASD. Obviously having had the possibility raised I read about it, and having been a Headteacher I knew a certain amount already re children.

I guess the answer to your question is half half. My reading meant the diagnosis was not a surprise, and to some extent a relief as it 'proved' I wasn't going mad. What I wasn't expecting was the difficulty in acceptance of it, I expected the relief. My wish to withdraw is very strong and I don't know if that's normal. I'm wondering if some traits which I'd learned to live with are being allowed out to show in the open now. It's the fact I'm 50 and this was never picked up right through what most would view as a very privileged education (I hated it as I was bullied terribly and had massive pressure placed on me which I found hard to cope with due to anxiety).

There's so many issues re confidence, relationships, etc... things which 'could have been' and I don't know whether I should go there, try not to (and if I try, how do I stop my brain going there?), even though I'm lucky in that I have a VERY supportive wife and daughter who are a Godsend.

It's very difficult.

LongStoneMan - I composed a lengthy response, but it disappeared when I hit submit!

I too have a very supportive wife, even though we have lived apart for more than a dozen years. My children 'understand', but are unable to discuss these things. Most people on these forums are already self-diagnosed before coming into contact with the medics, but in your case, the idea of ASD seems to have come from the professionals after 12 years of mental health care. No wonder you are surprised by the 'diagnosis'.

A privileged education is probably the least likely source of understanding, especially back in the day (I was there before you).

I'm sorry if this post seems seems a little curt, but, like I said, my previous attempt disappeared...

MrGrumpy,

I'm grateful for the reply, thank you. Yes, the psychologist said the strict routine of a 'privileged' education along with a far lesser awareness would have masked things. Also, by the time I left school and went to university I'd have learned certain coping mechanisms which would have masked them.

Re the mental health, one aspect is also untreatable in so far as it will be with me for life, though medicine can reduce the frequency of it manifesting itself. The other thing is very severe anxiety and depression (two VERY serious suicide attempts, both stopped by police and both should have succeeded). These were prior to this diagnosis when I thought I was just a huge oddball and a total misfit and failure.

I believe anxiety and depression often accompany Aspergers from my reading. As regards your view of my diagnosis, yes, that's exactly what happened. It gets more involved as last year it led to me losing contact with my family. Given how comparatively recent that was I feel they should understand - they stuck with me through the previous 11 years, but things came to a head when my Dad died and there was a big argument.

All is a bit of a muddle, my CPN says he knows nothing about Aspies and the first meeting is to review my Care and Treatment Plan (was tomorrow, now cancelled by them). I'm not sure what can be put in a C&TP yet and think the CPN who deals with me should know something about ASD. Is that unreasonable?

I had suspected Aspergers for nearly one and a half year and was diagnosed in early September last year, - and I have barely started to say "we", when I refer to aspergians.
I can accept the diagnosis. I sought it myself, - only, I dare not say, that I belong to that population, that "WE" are. Some identity-muddle, I suppose.

It looks like something where possibly 'we' all take our own journey to acceptance. Jensen, did you accept easily or are you struggling to accept?

I don´t know. I am relieved to have an explanation, and I am still in the process of realizing every day and it is not painless. The support group is a big help here to identify certain ways of thinking/percieving, - but my "Impossibilius"-identity is still so stuck, that I routinely, come back to that and start struggling again. Guilt.
I have to embrace THE IDENTITY as aspie as a positive thing, and begin to see the strengths, while I go on analysing, what went wrong earlier and why and cast away the guilt.

Thanks! I've not got as far as the support groups yet, but want to start going soon or I'll never go. In fact I think there's one tomorrow night as I think they're on the last Friday of every month, so this thread may have inspired me to go with my carer. I'm massively agoraphobic at present, so getting there will be tricky.

Thanks for sharing where you're at, it's helpful (for me at least) to see how others are coping with the journey.

Obliged
If there are many groups in your area, see that you find a group with an aspie leader. He/she will know what it is about.