Interesting to see how my friend sees me.

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I asked my best friend to write something for my assessment to give the assessor a better understand of how I am around people I'm comfortable with.

I found it interesting to see how she perceives me, and what it's like to be friends with me from someone else's point of view.

After reading what she wrote, I'm even more thankful to have an awesome friend!


"............ I have been Adam?s close friend for about 10 years. I?m an occupational therapist and have worked with children with autism both as an OT and as a paraprofessional (before I was an OT).
For years, I had considered that Adam might be on the autism spectrum, but did not relay to him my concerns because I was afraid he might react negatively to one of his closest friends telling him there was something ?wrong? with him.

Though I lack the qualifications to make a diagnosis, here are some reasons why I feel Adam meets the criteria of an ASD diagnosis.

He frequently does not understand social cues, nonverbal language or sarcasm.

He has difficulty talking to people in person and comes across as being ?shy? or ?quiet? without much to say, yet if you get to know him via written communication, it?s clear he is very intelligent, thoughtful and introspective. We have had instances in which we have both been in the same room and chosen to type to each other via instant messenger rather than talk out loud. He comes across as ?aloof? or ?annoyed? or ?always in a bad mood? to other people who don?t know him well and I have had to explain to others that he isn?t annoyed.

Adam has difficulty expressing his wants and needs in person and will frequently say nothing, for example if we are discussing dinner plans, he might go with us to a restaurant he does not plan to eat at rather than express that he does not want to eat there, especially if he is not asked point-blank and very directly.

He has difficulty with eye contact

The one exception to the above bullet point is that Adam can talk at length about his hobbies (remote control vehicles, auto repair, building engines and other mechanical devices, etc)

Adam can become preoccupied or ?obsessive? about his hobbies

Adam seems uncomfortable in social situations. A really good example of this is that if he is invited to a party, he frequently brings his computer and spends all of his time on it, or otherwise will play with the pets instead.

Adam will sometimes ?zone out? on things such as flicking the wheels of his RC cars with his fingers for long periods of time and during that time he will often not hear you when you say his name or ask him a question unless you touch him.

Adam has a rather flat affect and sometimes it is difficult to tell if he is particularly happy or sad. He comes across as being ?neutral? emotionally most of the time and I have had to learn to pick up on more subtle cues in his demeanor (or ask him directly) if I am not sure how he is feeling. He often expresses himself with single words or noises rather than in a more conversational way. As an example, we recently went hang-gliding together. I knew that Adam would absolutely love this activity, but it was hard to tell if he enjoyed it because he was not acting particularly happy or excited. Instead of assuming he wasn?t having fun, I asked him, ?On a scale from 1-10, with 1 being not fun and 10 being the best thing ever, how was that?? he said it was ?pretty close to a 10? but his demeanor did not really reflect how one would expect a person to act in such a situation.

Adam has some predictable routines such as: always eating at McDonalds for lunch, eating the same 3-4 foods when at home, picking the same place to eat for dinner and ordering the same food choice.

Adam seem to have a slight auditory processing delay ? he will frequently say, ?what?? when I say something to him, but I have learned I don?t have to repeat myself because if I just wait a few seconds, he will respond accordingly.

Before I considered that Adam might be on the autism spectrum, I had a hard time relating to him and understanding him, but after I decided he might be on the spectrum, I took steps to accommodate him and his particular sensory and social needs, which have led us to becoming much closer friends. For example, I understand that talking to me in person is not as easy for him, so I tackle more interesting, nuanced and deep subjects with him via text so he has time to think and respond. If I am in a group of friends with Adam and we are discussing plans for the evening, I will make sure to ask him directly what he thinks. If he comes to my house and brings his computer, I do not take offense but instead am happy to have him visit.

Though I initially did not tell Adam he might be on the autism spectrum because I was afraid he might be offended by such a suggestion, I am glad he is considering that he might be, because I feel like over the past year or so he has been able to understand and accept himself.

Hopefully this information will help you!"

That is really interesting. I can't think of many other situations where someone would be able to find out this sort of information.
Your friend sounds like a good one. Hope your assessment goes well.

I am sure that your friend's letter will help tremendously in your assessment process. It's really great that they wrote it for you. What was their response when you told them you were considered getting a DX? Good luck.

Are you asking about my friend's response, or the response from the people who will be doing my assessment?

A couple years ago, I asked her if she thought I'd actually get diagnosed if I were to pursue an assessment. She said "Probably."

When I contacted the local autism center about getting an assessment, I sent them a description of my odd traits. The woman who emailed me back said that she was one of the people who did the assessments, and from reading my self report, she thinks an assessment would be a good choice for me. I was really relieved that they were taking my suspicions seriously.

It's kinda hard to believe that I may soon have a formal Dx, which I hope will relieve a lot of my self doubt and finally allow me to fully embrace my autism as part of who I am. Then, I can start working on my social, communication and executive function difficulties.

Wow that's a great letter! A lot of it applies to me as well (except when I'm excited it shows lol).

One thing I kinda laughed about was after I read it a couple times and thinking about this line:

"If he comes to my house and brings his computer, I do not take offense but instead am happy to have him visit."

Then I thought about it, and I was like "Wait.... So, most people would find this offensive!? ", and then I kinda laughed because it made me grow even more sure my self Dx is correct because I had no idea people may have found that offensive.

I told her this and she replied "LOL"

Wow that's amazing! Its wonderful to see such an understanding freind who can give such an insight like that, your lucky to have such and understanding freind. Wish you all the best

I have a ton of problems responding to people, so this is definitely a good thing to note.

I find this feedback accurate around my autistic friends as well.

That's pretty cool.

Reminds me of when I first read "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome," and realized the way I was.. and I felt extremely fortunate to have certain friends in my life despite my differences.

On the flip side of the coin, I've also learned to recognize these same differences in some of my friends and have learned to accommodate their AS traits just as your friend has done for you.

So I really kind of feel this from both sides. Especially since I've since minimized my symptoms and am higher functioning than ever, so it used to be that others made accommodations for me, and now I do so for them.

I can't say how amazing my friend is!

I told her tonight that I'm really worried that the person who does my assessment may not agree that I'm on the spectrum. I'm worried that they'll think that since I'm not perfectly, stereotypically autistic, they won't believe me, and won't Dx me.

She said that if they don't diagnose me as having ASD, she'd call BS. She also said "I mean f***, (a friend) got that diagnosis and he is more normal than you are..."

This made me feel better. I don't mind being considered "not normal".... I totally admit I'm weird! I just can't wait till I have a name for my differences (I don't feel comfortable stating that I'm autistic until I have a formal Dx)

Um, yeah.. it's kind of anti-social. You'd be focused on your computer vs. being present and interacting with your friend. Choosing computer time over time w/ your friend tells them where your priorities lie.. and it's offensive or insulting to be 2nd choice to someone's computer.

Make sense? Or have you already figured all of this out by now?

Yeah, I figured it out. The part I found funny was that I hadn't realized that before I read it, and how not realizing that it might be offensive is yet another thing that points to me being on the spectrum.

Cool.

And yep. I know the feeling. I had a lot of realizations like that while reading The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome as well as when I read Asperger's from the Inside Out, and then a bit when I read Look Me in the Eyes. After reading these books, I'd be walking along and remember something I had said or done and the reaction it got from others and have a bit of an epiphany moment of "aaaaah, so thaaaaat's why...." and I had MANY of these moments over the first year or so of learning about all of this stuff.

I would like to give you my opinion about this too! Yes, certainly with a "NT" (non-autistic) person it could be perceived as offensive, but on the other hand for someone like me, it wouldn't be offensive at all, we'd both have fun on our computers while saying a word to each other here and there LOL. In fact when my son visits he often brings his laptop, and that's exactly what we do, usually we are also (somewhat) watching a movie at the same time.

I spend most evenings exactly like that. Others are watching a movie right now, I'm on my macbook sitting across the room.. occasionally we're talking about something here or there.

But I don't take my macbook to other peoples' places and do that. Just at home. When I go to others' places I go to see them, to visit, to play with their kids, not to sit online reading business & technology news or forums/facebook etc. I try to be more Present and focused on my visit with them, especially with friends I love and don't get to see often enough.

Yes I understand

I just meant that myself I wouldn't find it offensive, I would probably put a movie in, and play on my computer too, and then we'd probably talk to each other as we think of comments or questions (and I'd make us some snacks too! lol). Also it depends how often you see the friend, how comfortable you are with each other, how good (or bad) you are at conversation, what you both like, etc. And you can spend an evening like this, and another time go to the movies, or go fishing, etc, whatever you both enjoy. Every person and friendship is different.