Holidays are dangerous to me.

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I recently went on an enforced holiday to see my family in Cyprus.

I find holidays extremely extremely stressful due to change / noise / social situations / people not understanding my autism.

I tried to hang myself a few days ago while I was in Cyprus. It got that bad. I'm at home in London now thankfully.

I am unable to leave my house. I cannot even walk to the shop to buy basic food. Thankfully I have online shopping so I have ordered a lot of healthy food which will come tomorrow. However I have lost my appetite. Today I have eaten a little bit of cereal, three biscuits and a cup of tea (it is 19:30 UK time now and I got up at 08:00).

During this two week enforced holiday I had several meltdowns, tried to hang myself, almost ran away in the middle of the night, and self harmed several times.

Yet my family are saying "come here at Christmas!", "stay here for a month next year in the summer" etc. My grandmother and my aunt are using emotional blackmail on me by faking tears, trying to shower me with love etc, just so that they can drag me to Cyprus again.

Haha one of my relatives even said "come and live in Cyprus for a few months"! !! ! WTF?????

Also the heat in Cyprus (40 degrees Celsius every day) made my migraines so severe that I spent most of the holiday semi-stuporous or in great pain and diarrhoea / vomiting all day.

How do I get them to understand that holidays actually could lead to my death?? What if I had found better rope and actually hanged myself successfully? Now that I am home I am extremely sensitive to any sound and I have shut all the curtains.

The only thing that went right was the special assistance I got at the airport - I went under "developmental disability" and British Airways have always been good in supporting me on flights. I managed to only have one moderate meltdown in the airport.

Advice?

Euthanasia?

Are they actually aware of the level of stress all this has caused you?

My dad told me not to bother telling certain family members that I'm autistic because they wouldn't get it. (Remember English is not their first language). Also I am strictly not allowed to tell my grandmother about any of my disabilities because apparently it might make her die of grief or something.

I told my dad's girlfriend and she just said "relax, holidays are meant to be relaxing" *seethes*

"During this two week enforced holiday I had several meltdowns, tried to hang myself, almost ran away in the middle of the night, and self harmed several times"

SM - it seems surprising that your behaviour seems to have gone almost un-noticed by the rest of your family.

Please do not imply that I am lying or exaggerating because I am not.

I hate going on holiday too.

I like my own familiar environment.

You should be where you are happy and really your family should respect that.

Unfortunately people don't always understand our needs.

If they don't understand our needs then that is their problem.

You should take the advice that Goldfish offered you.

I hope you feel better soon. Try to eat something and get a good rest.

That sounds really horrendous. If your relatives don't understand how hard that was, and you don't want to disclose ASD to them, can you find something to say to them to get around having to go there again? Like say that the flight was almost about to crash and you're never going to fly again. Or find some illness that would hinder you from going there.

Try to relax and try to eat something also.