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OliveOilMom
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04 Jul 2014, 2:34 pm

He's 19 and the one I suspect has a touch of AS and has ADHD and is deaf in one ear from birth. His gf has been living here with him for several months and she's really gotten him to straighten up about a lot of things, go to his GED classes and look for a job. Also she's gotten him to get out of bed before noon and actually help out with housework. I like her for him. She loves him to death but doesn't take any crap from him at all, like the constant drama when he gets the least little bit upset. He's pretty much stopped that now.

Anyway, her mother just got remarried and she moved in with her new husband. She lived about a mile up the road and since her house is empty she said my son and her daughter could live there. He mentioned to me weeks ago that they might go stay there when her mom moved out, but that was it and I didn't think anything else about it. The other night they left and said they were going over there, which they do from time to time for a few days when she's out of town, so I thought that was all it was. They took the puppy and some stuff but I didn't pay any attention and nobody said anything unusual. Last night I went in his room to put some laundry on their bed, the first time I went in there since they left, and everything was gone but the furniture. Everything. Pictures on the walls, their pillows, his comforter, CD's, games, tv, stereo, knicknacks, and all the clothes except for a few things he doesn't like. Needless to say I was shocked that it happened so suddenly and without any mention of it.

He called earlier and said he's coming by later on today and I said "Did you move out?" He said "Uh, pretty much, kinda, yeah". I'm not mad about it and I'm glad he's on his own and I think being on their own will really motivate him to grow up more and get out there and get his GED and a job so he can help support them. She works two jobs and he takes classes and she wants him to study hard so he can pass the test and get a decent job and actually help support them. I don't blame her.

I have mixed feelings though. He may be back if and when they break up, or if that happens he may move somewhere else. I don't know. It's just a shock though, and kind of a sad thing. I'm glad for him, but sad for me.

So, that's what I found out today.


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YippySkippy
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04 Jul 2014, 2:47 pm

It's good that he's still close by. He probably thought you might be upset he was moving out, and that's why he didn't say anything. It sounds like a good situation, though. Since it's the gf's mom's house, she probably won't expect them to sign a lease, and that means if it doesn't work out he can easily come back home.



DW_a_mom
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04 Jul 2014, 3:25 pm

That sounds like something my son would do, simply forget to tell me about such a major change because, well, to him it was in the process and geez wasn't I already aware?

I completely understand your mixed emotions.

Hopefully things work out.


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Adamantium
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05 Jul 2014, 8:33 am

Or he might see it this way:

OliveOilMom wrote:
He mentioned to me weeks ago that they might go stay there when her mom moved out,
The other night they left and said they were going over there,


Seems clear enough. The stuff I cut out was about what went on in your head, how you interpreted what was said. He doesn't have access to that and may have thought it was clearly said.

I see confusion arise between my son and wife when she misinterprets things he says. This happens so often that I end up being a translator and often what I say to her is, "No, he really meant that."

Could it be that simple in this case?

Quote:
I don't blame her.

It sounds like a really positive development. Why would there be blame? Maybe just an opportunity to work on clarifying communications.

Quote:
I have mixed feelings though. He may be back if and when they break up, or if that happens he may move somewhere else. I don't know. It's just a shock though, and kind of a sad thing. I'm glad for him, but sad for me.

So many unknowns and possibilities. No one can ever be fully prepared for the infinite possibilities of life. But the empty nest thing--unless something goes badly wrong, this is what all parents are working toward isn't it.

Maybe you should celebrate. Have a little party to congratulate yourself for a successful (if unexpected) launch. I hope things go well for him and his gf. I hope they get married and "live happily ever after." It sounds like you can relax a little and recognize that you did something right!

As young people starting a household together, they could probably use advice on budgets and household management and so on. Maybe you can check in on that stuff just enough to give them advice and teach skills when they are needed, if they are needed.

I only hope I get to the point where you are someday--proud of the step they've taken, and a little sad at the closeness that's gone and the end of a one stage of life. Well done.



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05 Jul 2014, 5:28 pm

Wonderfully said!

But the empty nest is still hard to adjust to in the beginning, no matter how proud you are of them.

Adamantium wrote:
Or he might see it this way:

OliveOilMom wrote:
He mentioned to me weeks ago that they might go stay there when her mom moved out,
The other night they left and said they were going over there,


Seems clear enough. The stuff I cut out was about what went on in your head, how you interpreted what was said. He doesn't have access to that and may have thought it was clearly said.

I see confusion arise between my son and wife when she misinterprets things he says. This happens so often that I end up being a translator and often what I say to her is, "No, he really meant that."

Could it be that simple in this case?

Quote:
I don't blame her.

It sounds like a really positive development. Why would there be blame? Maybe just an opportunity to work on clarifying communications.

Quote:
I have mixed feelings though. He may be back if and when they break up, or if that happens he may move somewhere else. I don't know. It's just a shock though, and kind of a sad thing. I'm glad for him, but sad for me.

So many unknowns and possibilities. No one can ever be fully prepared for the infinite possibilities of life. But the empty nest thing--unless something goes badly wrong, this is what all parents are working toward isn't it.

Maybe you should celebrate. Have a little party to congratulate yourself for a successful (if unexpected) launch. I hope things go well for him and his gf. I hope they get married and "live happily ever after." It sounds like you can relax a little and recognize that you did something right!

As young people starting a household together, they could probably use advice on budgets and household management and so on. Maybe you can check in on that stuff just enough to give them advice and teach skills when they are needed, if they are needed.

I only hope I get to the point where you are someday--proud of the step they've taken, and a little sad at the closeness that's gone and the end of a one stage of life. Well done.


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kraftiekortie
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05 Jul 2014, 8:27 pm

I wish your son luck. I hope he gets his GED soon, so he could get a job easier. I'm just glad your home is open to him.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 07 Jul 2014, 8:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

OliveOilMom
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07 Jul 2014, 2:50 am

Adamantium wrote:
Or he might see it this way:

OliveOilMom wrote:
He mentioned to me weeks ago that they might go stay there when her mom moved out,
The other night they left and said they were going over there,


Seems clear enough. The stuff I cut out was about what went on in your head, how you interpreted what was said. He doesn't have access to that and may have thought it was clearly said.

I see confusion arise between my son and wife when she misinterprets things he says. This happens so often that I end up being a translator and often what I say to her is, "No, he really meant that."

Could it be that simple in this case?

Quote:
I don't blame her.

It sounds like a really positive development. Why would there be blame? Maybe just an opportunity to work on clarifying communications.

Quote:
I have mixed feelings though. He may be back if and when they break up, or if that happens he may move somewhere else. I don't know. It's just a shock though, and kind of a sad thing. I'm glad for him, but sad for me.

So many unknowns and possibilities. No one can ever be fully prepared for the infinite possibilities of life. But the empty nest thing--unless something goes badly wrong, this is what all parents are working toward isn't it.

Maybe you should celebrate. Have a little party to congratulate yourself for a successful (if unexpected) launch. I hope things go well for him and his gf. I hope they get married and "live happily ever after." It sounds like you can relax a little and recognize that you did something right!

As young people starting a household together, they could probably use advice on budgets and household management and so on. Maybe you can check in on that stuff just enough to give them advice and teach skills when they are needed, if they are needed.

I only hope I get to the point where you are someday--proud of the step they've taken, and a little sad at the closeness that's gone and the end of a one stage of life. Well done.


Oh, he didn't spell it out and tell me directly on purpose. He even admitted that to my other son. I talked to my other son tonight. He said that my younger son was always more of a Mama's boy and right up under me than he was and that my younger son didn't want to hurt my feelings. After I talked to my younger son I got quite a few "I'm sorry" and "I love you" texts. It's all cool. I told him it's fine, I'm just his mother, he doesn't have to tell me anything. If I hadn't gone in his room, it could have been days before I found out he had moved.

I am glad he's out and trying to be on his own though. I was so afraid he was going to end up like those guys on "Mama's Boys of the Bronx" because that's EXACTLY how he acts. "Mom, where's this?" "Mom, you ain't ironed my shirt yet?" "Mom, where's my good shampoo?" etc.

Also, he's lived with me for 19 years and I've always been very up front and open about how I feel about things, so he knew exactly what was going on in my head. All my kids know whats going on in my head, I made sure of that. I'm gonna give him a little guilt over this, but not too much then I'll let it go. He deserves some guilt for not telling me. But I'm not mad or anything.


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YippySkippy
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07 Jul 2014, 8:52 am

Quote:
I'm gonna give him a little guilt over this, but not too much then I'll let it go. He deserves some guilt for not telling me. But I'm not mad or anything.


Just make sure he knows it's the lack of communication that upsets you, and not the fact that he moved.



OliveOilMom
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07 Jul 2014, 10:58 am

YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
I'm gonna give him a little guilt over this, but not too much then I'll let it go. He deserves some guilt for not telling me. But I'm not mad or anything.


Just make sure he knows it's the lack of communication that upsets you, and not the fact that he moved.


Oh, he knows. Trust me, he knows.


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ASDMommyASDKid
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07 Jul 2014, 11:03 am

OliveOilMom wrote:

Oh, he didn't spell it out and tell me directly on purpose. He even admitted that to my other son. I talked to my other son tonight. He said that my younger son was always more of a Mama's boy and right up under me than he was and that my younger son didn't want to hurt my feelings. After I talked to my younger son I got quite a few "I'm sorry" and "I love you" texts. It's all cool. I told him it's fine, I'm just his mother, he doesn't have to tell me anything. If I hadn't gone in his room, it could have been days before I found out he had moved.

I am glad he's out and trying to be on his own though. I was so afraid he was going to end up like those guys on "Mama's Boys of the Bronx" because that's EXACTLY how he acts. "Mom, where's this?" "Mom, you ain't ironed my shirt yet?" "Mom, where's my good shampoo?" etc.

Also, he's lived with me for 19 years and I've always been very up front and open about how I feel about things, so he knew exactly what was going on in my head. All my kids know whats going on in my head, I made sure of that. I'm gonna give him a little guilt over this, but not too much then I'll let it go. He deserves some guilt for not telling me. But I'm not mad or anything.


That reminds me of me a little. Not that I moved out without telling anyone, but when I was real young if I knew I wasn't going to like the answer about something, I wouldn't ask or I would find a way to give only partial information and would just do it. Maybe he perceived a certain amount of emoting and he didn't think he could move out if you emoted?

I think you are handling it right. He can't expect to get zero reaction, after all. He is your kid, even if he is a man now.

Edited for syntax.



Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 07 Jul 2014, 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Adamantium
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07 Jul 2014, 12:08 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
I'm gonna give him a little guilt over this, but not too much then I'll let it go. He deserves some guilt for not telling me. But I'm not mad or anything.


Just make sure he knows it's the lack of communication that upsets you, and not the fact that he moved.


Oh, he knows. Trust me, he knows.


Somehow, I have no doubt!