What do you do when no one will help even professionals.?

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rastachucker
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05 Jul 2014, 10:06 am

My name is david and i have a problem where if upset angry or anxious i cuss people out but more than just cussing there is a lot of personal racial undertones to though i am not racist. It like once there i say,anythung i think would have the maximum sting.. People think i do this on purpose or because i just, being mean or a jerk. Yet i cannot not stop it. I mean I have been beaten up over this thrown in jail because of it and none of that has been enough to stop it or make it go away. The only way i found to survive with it is by hidigting on the road and i have lived as a road warrior for almost 4 years drifting from one place to the next with no real home. Becau breaks my heart to be like thus and feel the hatred that people have people have toward you because they think your a racist jerk instead of a guy with a problem.
I tried to see countless doctors and or gone to numerous mental health clinics desperately seeking help or a solution to why this happens but once there i get nervous or scared and the behavior comes out and i am ask to leave or they run to get security to have me thrown out. Why because the very problem i came in there for came out. I remember once after explaining my problem to two different psyche nurses in an attempt to get into a psyche war in hopes of jump starting the help i needi told her the problem at one point she yells at me because i yelled at a guy on the ohone and ahe was like you need to controll yourself and i thought did i not just tell you fhis is why i need help but what came out was a bunch of swear words as an attact to her and she runs to get security to excort me out. For the same reason i came in.seeking help for. I had this similiar experience o,er and over again at the places where i have gone seeking my freedom. Where do you go when the very.,professionals refuse to help you. Who do you turn too to make you better when your told professional after professional tieave and dont come back or next time they will call the cops and this happens at dang near every place you go.



MrGrumpy
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05 Jul 2014, 11:27 am

Rasta - I may be wrong but I think you live in America. I live in England where things are not necessarily better than they are in America, but they are definitely different.

I guess most countries have 'street-dwellers', and I have seen reports that many street-dwellers suffer from mental health issues. In London, street-dwellers are given a very hard time by the authorities because they damage the image which the tourist industry likes to portray. There are always 'beds' available, however crummy, but some people prefer the streets.

The street-dweller community is mostly managed by charities, but, so far as I know, much of the funding comes from the authorities.

The charities - again, so far as I know - try to offer all the necessary help which is needed, including health support.

I am seriously no expert in these matters, but since this is a forum about autism, the only label for your behaviour which I can think of is Tourette's Syndrome. I have to say that your best hope is likely to be from some kind of charity. As a point of interest, how do you manage financially on a day-to -day basis?



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05 Jul 2014, 11:37 am

I think they would be willing and hopefully able to help if you cooperated. You have to modify your behavior to work with them. Demonstrating your behavior at them is not going to work. No one wants to help someone being abusive at them.

You have to work on this too, its not all on them to 'fix' you without your cooperation.

Change your approach and do not be abusive to any medical professional or aid ever and I think you will get on the road to treatment and improvement.



Magnanimous
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05 Jul 2014, 11:48 am

I hate to pull the harsh angle here...

... but not all problems have solutions.

The Universe isn't that neat and tidy... and neither is our little corner of it.
Sometimes... there really isn't much to do besides accepting that you're f****d and waiting for your fate to catch up with you.



KC73
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05 Jul 2014, 12:59 pm

rastachuckers point is that he CANT modify his behaviour at those points though, so telling him he just has to try harder isnt helpful. I can relate to being helpless to triggers and it isnt something that desire or willpower can overcome on its own.. Thats kind of why theyre called dis-abilitys.. I think rastachucker is to be admired for repeatedly seeking help in spite of the unhelpful responses to him, not everybody has that inner strength and his persistance shows hes already trying hard even though his approach isnt working.

David- I think you might have more luck if you try approaching some places in writing first. You seem to be quite clear on what the problem is, when you get emotionally stressed your brain goes on the frizz and stuff pours out of your mouth that the rest of you is horrified by. You want that to stop but it feels at the time like youre possessed? If you arent face to face with someone when youre asking them for help it wont trigger that behaviour, and if youre communicating online you CAN stop yourself from reacting abusively because you can walk away, rant at a wall and then come back and reply when youve calmed back down. There are possibilities now for getting therapy online by email, and that might be a way to start. There might be places that would let you have access to a computer for that if youre homeless. Or just sending a letter to introduce yourself and explain that you need some help just to be able to have a first appointment with someone because of these issues might get you that help. First impressions do matter so if you can show in writing that youre a decent, reasonable guy with a genuine disability issue that you need help with you might get further than if people first see you as a raving scary guy.

When brains are working normally theres an inhibition network that stops us blurting out whats on our mind (or whats wandering around in our head even though it isnt how we really feel) and it sounds like that isnt working properly in your brain, at least at the points when youre in fight or flight stress states. There are also arousal regulators that tend to stop people going from calm to erupting in the blink of an eye, and if these arent working properly in you it means your conscious mind isnt getting the time to intervene and alter your behaviour at those points. So what you're looking for help with first is probably arousal regulation, and then once youve got that under better control it'll be easier to get help with the inhibition type stuff. My own brain isnt working enough today to be clear on where youd find the right sort of help but if you can post your area I can google for examples of places you could try that you might not have thought of yet?



Magnanimous
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05 Jul 2014, 1:03 pm

KC73 wrote:
rastachuckers point is that he CANT modify his behaviour at those points though, so telling him he just has to try harder isnt helpful. I can relate to being helpless to triggers and it isnt something that desire or willpower can overcome on its own.. Thats kind of why theyre called dis-abilitys.. I think rastachucker is to be admired for repeatedly seeking help in spite of the unhelpful responses to him, not everybody has that inner strength and his persistance shows hes already trying hard even though his approach isnt working.

Not sure whether there is any point to mention it...

... but failure alone isn't necessarily a good enough reason not to try at all.
This goes doubly when there really isn't any choice.

Which is to say... that even if he can't... he might as well keep trying anyway. Maybe all the trying is the only thing stopping it from getting even worse. I'm familiar enough with THAT experience.



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05 Jul 2014, 2:09 pm

Only the OP knows if he is truly capable of making changes. From his post he sounds like he has a serious mental condition or more then one, but does not sound insane. Something that describes most of us more or less btw. But if he literally can not change the behavior, but sees he needs a life change then he needs to check himself into the hospital.



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05 Jul 2014, 2:31 pm

Well I would say that you need to avoid the racist insults, the things is as soon as you utter one of those any "criminal act" turns into a "hate crime" and things will be much worse for you. Have you considered TS, if you have TS then you would be unable to control your verbal outbursts but bear in mind most people with TS do not just swear non stop, there is much more to TS than swearing.


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05 Jul 2014, 4:32 pm

Believe it or not, a marital arts instructor or someone who has kind of studied the Eastern way might be able to help, the hard style vs. soft style, sometimes deflecting, etc. I mean, learning a set of just three to five new skills might be able to start to make a difference.



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05 Jul 2014, 4:49 pm

KC73 wrote:
David- I think you might have more luck if you try approaching some places in writing first. You seem to be quite clear on what the problem is, . . .

I think this approach has some potential.

And then it's like baseball, if only 30% of professionals are likely to be good listeners and potential helpful --- actually an estimate I think is somewhat on the high side --- might take a little while to find them. Both good streaks and poor streaks, just like baseball



bumble
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05 Jul 2014, 5:55 pm

You have no choice but to try and solve the difficulty yourself.

I wouldn't rely so much on the professionals, most of them can't tell their arse from their elbow.



rastachucker
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05 Jul 2014, 11:10 pm

My gosh thank you all so much for responding to my poorly typed post it really warms my heart to just this kind of support from people who want to be helpful. When i saw how many people responded i was amazed. Thank you please forgive the errors i am typing this all on an Android phone so errors and stuff are bound to happen.
Now people have been telling me for years to stop it just dont act this way or modify my behavior. When going to professionals begging for help and getting things like you cant come here if you act like that or hearing people tell me to modify behavior before i see someone is absurd. If i could modify it i would not need help i could do it and my life would change. This is not to be disrespectful to anyone because i am greatful to all who reaponded but comments like that feel along the lines of oftelling a person not to act to sick when seeing a doctor. The whole point of getting help is because i cant stop on my own.. Everytime a clinic or a doctor threw me out or told me i was not welcomed would felt like a medical doctor saying your too sick i will not treat you. It is frustrating and heartbreaking when you approach the very people you think are there to help slam the door onyyour face because of the very reason your seeking help for in the first place.
This thing inside of me seems beyond my control. When i sat in varuous ers for the interview to see if admittance to psyce is going to happen they always ask me the question if i am a danger to myself which after which i told them my issues i say yes i one wrong person from getring my self killed. To which they always respond that is not what we mean. So what i come back with a bullet in me bexause i call the wrong person a racial slur before you believe me. I know what they are really asking asking but come on.this sounds just as dangerous as a man with a compulsion lets say for throwing himself in traffic.
As far as turrets though not offical i believe i have it. As i make mouth noises and sneeze and whistle as well as hand ticks. I leares finger spellinf when takinf asl and i spelling all the time as a tixk.
Yet for me where it gets hard is i do have a lot of hurt anger and hate dor being the way that i am and being mad ar world that constantly rejects me. That hurts and on top of that a family that ran from me as well and always refusing to accept me as i am telling me as long as i was some other way than thet could love me. So when you mix hthe hurt and anger with whatever i am dealing with it makes it so hard to see where the anger enda and the illness begins.
I do know that there was a time before when i only believed that i was an alcoholic and was hardcore in AA thinking my only solution lied within the rooms and the 12 steps i still had teouble with keeping aponors and friendsfriends. Yet the anger at being scorned and rejected yet to happen i still got upset wirh people but dont remember it to the level that it has been since. If i did not like advice or something they said it might have just been shut up and rhen hanging up the phone. But not too the point it has been since my aa days. See i had aa awas when i really started to see my social diffculties and really not understand why joe blow with the same time as me was ettgetting invited to campouts and parties while i still found my self spending time by myself except at meetings. Then i remember at about 2 and a half years sober i found myself start bluting out these awful things to people who upset me not caring what a scene i was causing and at that point i did not realize that most people do recover or get over that quickly if at all and so soon i found rooms wfull of people who would talk to me and help me hated me. I no longer could deal with the drama and the hate so i lowly let up on my commitments and i remember nights when the blow ups would happen getting ofd the bus begfingGod to take this from me and promising myself that i was just goinf to goto the meeting and leave but without fail iwould fet into it with someone and before long i became the jerk of aa. I go to othervmeetings but aa beinf the small community it is even in a large city i soon got a rep and ir followed me and so did the behavior. I left aa heartbroken and hope some day i could comeback and have relationships with the people there as they where food people. Yet that was years ago now and the aa thing was one of the precousers to my road warrior years. I atill believe i have a lot of hurt and rejections and admena to make there.
Yet i think that is abojt as honest as i can be about what is going on. Please forgive the apelling and the ramer errors as rhis was typed on a cell phone.



rastachucker
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05 Jul 2014, 11:24 pm

Sorry i forgot to add to the last post that my issue does come out in texts emails and other written forms as well.



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06 Jul 2014, 3:00 pm

I would vaguely schedule a think / writing period when I really needed one and then use my method of under-writing. For example, when I was studying tax, if there was something I wanted to brush up on anyway, I might work on that and over to the side I would keep a blank piece of paper. And I did not overpush myself. I merely was open to writing down straightforward sentences and perhaps short paragraphs of things that were bothering me. And I kept it to a maximum of three things, and if I didn't write down anything at all, that was okay, too. And the fact that it's a dry subject, and I've also leafed through geology books, I think kind of helps to zen center me.

Running early in the day helps with anger. Although these days I have some knee issues and other health issues.

In my early 30s, I was living on a low-income, my parents alternating critical and then trying to control me, the nearest laundry mat and grocery store were both in predominantly black neighborhoods. Yeah, I think some people did go out of their way because I was white.

. . . a person might be rude or even threatening in a stereotypical African-American way, word choice, accent, tone, etc. Later on, I decided that's more the template, more the landscape where it occurs. And that seemed to help some.

In a movie, guy was talking about how to stop swearing, so instead of saying "f**k", try and say "for crying out loud." And okay, playing off the same initial sound, maybe, I can see how a method like that might be helpful.