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ahhhhwhewok
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Joined: 21 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
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06 Jul 2014, 2:24 pm

I feel like I am pretty high functioning... but at the same time self questioning puts me in a place where I question the facts. Here is the shorthand version of my current struggle.

1. I have been with the same woman for going on 5 years.

2. We moved to a more quiet area tired of the fast pace and her family has been living with us off and ob since we got here. A little after 2 years of being married. Right now, it's on, her family lives with us I okayed it as a supportive partner.

3. About a year into our relationship I caught her sending some highly inappropriate text messages to an old flame, which she lied and manipulated about it until it was too obvious to deny anymore. I was devastated and she promised it wouldnt happen again. Let the trust issues begin.

4. We worked on things even though I was hurt and we even adopted a young man living with a mild form of Aspergers. 3 months after the adoption went through she started an even more intense emotional affair that lasted for about 2 months from what Im aware. She was also in a relationship before with this one before two. I was beside myself ready to leave. She was supposed to call her tell her it was over, all in front of me. We were supposed to go to counseling. Nothing happened except she cut off her phone for a couple of weeks and defriended her on facebook. She expected me to just be over it. And I continue to try especially for my son who is not legally mine since two parent gay adoption is not legal in
FL.

5. Random things have come up since then, the girl she was having an emotional affair witb contacted me a month after it was supposed to be over reiterating the details along with new ones that were a bit shocking like naked pictures. I found a card addressed to HER that looked quite old but still lingering in her vehicle for what? The most recent? A 2nd MySpace (POS social media site) creation date almost 2 months after it was supposed to be over. That creation date was the last day in February. But everything has some excuse like oh I forgot the card was in there from when things were still going on OR If I did make that myspace account I dont remember. Did I mention the 2nd myspace page only jad this girl as a friend along with 30 crappy mainstream musicians as friends/contacts.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I asked for counseling again and she is dragging her heels. Not to toot my own horn, but despite my Aspie issues I am really a catch! When I promised to love her forever I meant it. But theres no trust. I need advice.



ahhhhwhewok
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Joined: 21 Feb 2012
Age: 36
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06 Jul 2014, 2:27 pm

PS Apologies for the ridiculous spelling errors. Difficult to type all this from a small cell phone screen



cathylynn
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06 Jul 2014, 2:53 pm

you are being generous to offer her the opportunity to stay in the relationship if she agrees to counseling. my feeling on infidelity is "once is a mistake. twice is a pattern. see you around."



ahhhhwhewok
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Joined: 21 Feb 2012
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09 Jul 2014, 6:45 pm

Easier said than done. I hope Im not falling into battered wife syndrome.



downbutnotout
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10 Jul 2014, 10:17 am

I really wish I had something to offer, but a relationship with a problem takes two people to fix. Even if one person gives talking it out, making changes, and repairing trust their all, the other person dragging their heels is going to make a healthy relationship nearly impossible.

All the good intentions in the world won't make a problem just "go away", so remember to take care of yourself, too. Maybe there will be a breakthrough down the road and maybe not.

I don't suppose talking to her directly about why she keeps getting involved with other women has had better results?