After living in another town I had to move back to my hometown because my grandmother and mother needed my help and they still do. I have been living in this town again since about 2006 and I hate it!
I don't feel any kind of attachment to this town anymore and living here makes me feel miserable and depressed to the point I want to self-medicate. I can't leave my mother and grandmother behind. My grandmother is 96 years old and shows signs of dementia, combined with very poor eyesight and my mother has severe, far advanced form of mutltiple sclerosis. There is no way that I am going to abandon them ofcourse. That's completely out of the question. I try to avoid being too self centered and pity myself too much but I feel like I am literally wasting away here. Sometimes I think I am living in a hostile environment that is destroying me bit by bit. I don't even feel safe here. I just don't get some of the inhabitants of this town They creep me out! I have no idea how to improve my life here nor my way of looking at things. People I don't even know look at my like I have done something terribly wrong. At first I thought I was just being paranoid but I am not, it's very true. I have no idea what's going on which confuses me greatly. I live in a nice appartment but my neighbours make my life difficult by uttering completely ridiculous complaints that don't even come close to the truth and their unreasonable demands have already cost me too much money. I am a quiet person so they don't even have reason to complain. I stay indoors most of the time because I don' feel the need to go anywhere here.
Once in a while I unload about this f*****g town here on Wrong Planet,, hoping it's going to be my last rant, but it only helps for a short while. I just don't know what to do about this situation, at the same time being well aware of the fact that there are many people who live in circumstances that are much worse than mine.
17 Jul 2014, 5:59 pm
