Warm/Cold

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If you have friends, there's some one to tell you if you are getting warmer or colder as far as fitting in. But the world's answer to everything, when you have no one to talk to, is silence. People's opinions define you. Has anyone managed to break out of this situation and define themselves, and lead a successful life? Sometimes when I gather enough enthusiasm I can spontaneously approach people and get them to budge, but eventually my energy tapers off.

Half and half. I think of myself as a bouncy, enthusiastic sort of character, so that is how I define myself. But it's also supplemented by how other people see me, which is weird and spontaneous (in a good way).

Others opinions of me is a complete and total weirdo. Yeah, I can start up a conversation sometimes, but keeping it going? That's hard... I'm like you, I taper off or just drift into my own world.

Peoples opinions of me dont define "me" they define what people think/feel or act towards me.

I never really understood how I had an OK self-esteem.I was "abandoned" at 2,spent 3 years in foster home and was adopted by a lady who seemed to hate every thing about me.So I did feel badly that people didnt seem to like me but I didnt think I was a bad person.....I always thought that was strange.Maybe part of it is that there werent that many people I liked and respected enough to care what they thought about me?My thinking was that it was sometimes unfortunate when I did find someone I liked,that the feeling wasnt returned.I wondered what it was about me that made me unlikable to them.I guess that has been my number one question I would ask the universe.....

But there was some part of me that always felt like,not changing to please others.If I changed they wouldnt be liking "me" anyway,because I would no longer be me.I did make some small concessions but always had the thought in my head ....
"give them an inche and they will take a mile"....I was afraid of losing "me".....I dont know why that fear over shadowed a fear of being alone,but it did.I think it startd with my adopted mom trying to kill the "aspie" me.It was the part of myself I liked the most,so I protected it.

I think maybe I'm a bit more acceptance seeking than the average aspie. Or at least up until now, that I know I'm aspie. I've always been really sensitive to others' impressions of me, even though I've mostly not been able to alter them much, even with the knowledge of how to do so. For example, I know how to come off as approachable, and I do sometimes, but it takes so much energy that I usually can't muster the enthusiasm. What I'm wondering is if it's possible to come off as approachable even while not being the standard definition of approachable, in essence redefining approachable. Of course, from what I've seen, it isn't.

I think it is easier for me as a female....we tend to be the persued.I use to crash house parties,squate against a wall near the book shelf and read the most interesting book I could find.Most nights,some guy would approach and engage me in conversation and it tended to be a less"jocky/preppy" type guy who was more interesting to chat with......However,if I was ina bar setting,I would only be approached by "wolves" who were looking for 'the sheep that has strayed from the herd"....usually idiots I had no interest in.

I did want to be a part of some group,between the ages of 14-26......but I wanted it to be a group that I fit into without having to change.The closest I came was the drama/speech team in Jr High......we were all geeks and that was fun but after I moved,there never was another group I really fit with,just a few groups who would take me in as sort of a "pity mascot"....the stoners and punks would let me hang with them, but were not really "friends".

I realy think this gets easier as you get older....I mean,a sense of self outside of a group.Most adults create a new "clan" ,involving their spouse and kids and tend to reconnect with their own parents and sibs family.Many also have a group mentality with their co-workers....so,their identity becomes....parent,spouse and worker.I dont really have those identities either....No kids(just cats and bunnies)No husband(just boyfriend)My job is the thing I do to pay the rent....but doing my best probably is important for my self-image.