How do I 'get help' for being so disliked?

Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

existentialterror
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 125

20 Jul 2014, 1:12 pm

I don't have any friends, because I think I give off a bad vibe. People have always excluded me. I've had friendships start off (with other outsiders), but even they eventually reject me. As I type this, I can't help but think that people will assume that I must be pushing people away or am stubborn. People can't seem to believe how undesirable people find me, that explaining this has the effect of people thinking that I somehow WANT to be this way.

I've had the beginnings of friendship but then people fade away or back off suddenly. People are flaky and unreliable - I get the distinct feeling that there is something about me that they don't trust.

If I've been burned too many times and carry this vibe (that I will always be rejected), I try to make sure people don't see it. I'm friendly and begin each new encounter with people with a fresh slate, so to speak.

What I would like to know is how can I get support for this difficulty without giving off the impression that I've completely brought this problem upon myself, that I don't want friendships?

This is so very hard to explain, so if someone understands what I mean here, I'd really appreciate your feedback.

The help I seek is from therapists or anyone who will understand and believe the situation I'm in... :oops:



1024
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2013
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 231

20 Jul 2014, 2:36 pm

Are you sure people dislike you? Friendships could also fade away simply because you don't keep them alive (e. g. by initiating interactions that are not just practial).

I can't help with that either, but at least we should identify the problem. :)


_________________
Maths student. Somewhere between NT and ASD.


noodler
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 203

20 Jul 2014, 3:01 pm

I only have a couple of friends. The one has a wife and daughter. I don't know if this relates to you, but a while back I was very lonely and when I told him how I felt and that he was my only friend (at the time), he distanced himself from me. So, I began letting him email me instead of me emailing him. I let him come to me if he wanted to hang out. Things are much better now. We hang out more often. In my experience, people get turned off if they feel your in need of them.



eloralouistra
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 54
Location: York

20 Jul 2014, 3:46 pm

I haven't had exactly that experience but I went several years without any real friends - I could get along with people but never really connect, and when starting new classes or whatever I'd notice other people becoming friends and wondered why it wasn't happening to me. The only thing I can suggest is finding people who are a lot like you, as that's what worked for me - when I got to University I made some wonderful friends at what's basically a geeky social rejects society, and I've met more good friends online through discussing things I'm passionate about. I So basically my advice is find people you can connect with, I don't know if that's any good for you but I hope you manage to make some friends! <3 <3



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,272
Location: the island of defective toy santas

20 Jul 2014, 5:07 pm

my horoscope and my numerology told me I was "unapproachable" and my one good friend told me that I put up walls to keep people out, and when I asked him "how could that be? I'm the most unthreatening and meek person I know!" he told me that because I looked dissimilar to other people and acted dissimilar to other people that I scared or offended them, IOW most people "fear the other." I told him "I can't help that then, because I am the way god made me and I can't pretend otherwise."



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,416

20 Jul 2014, 6:34 pm

make friends here - but be reasonably careful of your safety as you would with any stranger.



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,784

21 Jul 2014, 6:33 am

The most you can do is see if someone will be honest with you about how you rub people the wrong way, and then you can try to see if you can modify those traits to be less of a problem.



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,784

21 Jul 2014, 6:34 am

The most you can do is see if someone will be honest with you about how you rub people the wrong way, and then you can try to see if you can modify those traits to be less of a problem.



Girlwithaspergers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2012
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,338
Location: USA

21 Jul 2014, 12:19 pm

My only friend I tried to contact doesn't email me anymore either.


_________________
Diagnosed with Aspergers, ADHD, Bipolar Type II, OCD, and generalized anxiety.


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 90,272
Location: the island of defective toy santas

21 Jul 2014, 5:02 pm

to borrow a bit from Jung, "humans can be a terrific disappointment."