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Dillogic
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22 Jul 2014, 6:23 am

Why indeed.



skibum
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22 Jul 2014, 6:41 am

Explain to them that meeting up is very difficult for you and that it makes you uncomfortable. Tell them that is is a very common and strong Aspergian train and you might even tell them that the thought of meeting up frightens you. Also thank them very much for wanting you to include them. Tell them that you really enjoy their friendship but because of your Autism it is important for you that you are able to have the friendship without the actual physical contact. Explain that this is not personal but it is just how Autism works sometimes. Tell them that you really love being able to be friends with them and that you hope that they can understand your dilemma and that they will choose to remain good friends with you but still be able to respect your need.

I hope this helps.


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MjrMajorMajor
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22 Jul 2014, 6:55 am

It could be a measure of security for them as "catfishing" has had more of a spotlight. They're afraid this is who you really are...






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SteelMaiden
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22 Jul 2014, 10:28 am

Thanks. I will try telling the friend that due to my Autism, I would find it really difficult to meet up and that while I do value their friendship, I find it vastly less distressing just to text.


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anotherswede
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22 Jul 2014, 3:24 pm

Like posters before have told you, you should explain why you find it uncomfortable to meet up, and that you still like them and want to be friends.

But I'm going to tell you why people want to meet up. It is unnatural for people to talk to others and be friends without meeting them in person. We have only been able to be friends virtually for a few years but we have been humans for thousands of years. By experience someone in person gives us the feeling that we can judge that person as friendly and not with ill intent. It makes people know that they are friends and trustworthy. That is not rational its just instinctual feelings. Without having met you once they feel that something is lacking in the friendship. Something like that.



skibum
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22 Jul 2014, 3:34 pm

Yeah, it kind of makes it real that you are a real actual person when they can see you in the flesh. It's kind of a weird concept but it helps people feel more secure. Maybe you could just agree to meet one time just to help them feel more secure and then tell them that it's best for you to continue the friendship electronically. That way it's a compromise and no one feels like it is completely one sided. And I like being able to know what people look like even if they just have a picture or I just see them one time. But that might be a good idea. You could just meet for a few minutes and explain to them how Autism works so that they understand. That way you are educating them also and educating people about Autism is always a good thing. And if you help them understand the effort it took for you to meet them that one time they will really appreciate that and see that you really value the friendship. I know I would. And that would mean a lot to me. I would want to be your friend and respect and help meet your needs even more if you made that effort.


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