The Friendship Ladder - How to Make Friends

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Hello everyone. As someone who used to struggle with making friends, I've written up how I eventually figured it out:

http://freedom-muse.com/2014/07/21/the- ... e-friends/

There are many different levels of friends. You can't simply jump straight into a full-on friendship straight away - it takes time, and shared experiences, and common interests. You need to climb the Friendship Ladder, starting out with getting to know someone at a basic level and slowly expanding how much the two of you share.

It's not about having 1500 friends on Facebook that you know nothing about. It's about real people you can talk to and have fun with.

Thanks for sharing Thom. The part about colleagues as a rung on the ladder, that's not necessarily any "higher" on the ladder than "acquaintance. Having someone as a colleague, that person may not even be a person you can work with let alone be friends with. I look at "colleague" as separate than making friends. Some people refuse to mix professional and personal because it can get confusing. The ladder is a good starter, but there's definitely more things to consider, many not under our control.

Things not under our control include race, socioeconomics, married vs. single, sex, age differences- particularly 20s and 30s or under 18 and 18+, luck, reciprocation

Some things under our control that can help the situation: your confidence, trust, risk taking, savvyness, some initiation

Having friends isn't always about being social and making friends. It's being confident, understanding who you are, trying to constantly survive and network and reciprocate, and understanding when to stand up for yourself, when to listen, and when to have fun.

I think the OP uses the word "colleagues" is a different way than most people understand it. In the article, "colleagues" are people who patronize the same establishment at the same time on a regular basis. It could be actual work colleagues, but also classmates, people who see each other in the gym (fitness center, not school gym) frequently, regulars at the bar/pub, etc.

One other thing the article doesn't mention is how to avoid "islanding" (my own term). That's making friends with different groups of people who don't know each other. As your social skills get better, you may make friends with different groups of people, oftentimes through one gateway friend in each group. But your charisma may not be strong enough to unite the groups together. Or you may be afraid of being "found out", due to acting differently with different people. Islanding can especially be problematic when you present different personas to each group, and even more so if you met them at different times in your life. You may be quiet and reserved with one group, who you met back when you were shy, and the expected behavior just stuck. At the same time, you may be quite gregarious with your newer friends, who you met after you got more comfortable in your own skin. So when everyone meets each other, how exactly are you supposed to act?