Page 1 of 4 [ 64 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

SteelMaiden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,722
Location: London

24 Jul 2014, 2:16 am

I've never worked out how to fake NT. So many people here talk about it but it's completely unknown to me in practical terms.

Is there any real need to fake NT?

I've always been myself and if people didn't like me as "myself" then I didn't associate with them. Same as nowadays. I don't fake anything, even if I did know how to fake I wouldn't do it.


_________________
I am a partially verbal classic autistic. I am a pharmacology student with full time support.


Marybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,818

24 Jul 2014, 3:19 am

I don't know if there is any real need to fake NT. I don't think there is.
I can't fake NT. I don't know how and I don't want to.
People have said I'm timid. But I am not timid, I am just myself and I want to be myself.
There is no way I could come out of my bubble and act like a normal human.



SteelMaiden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,722
Location: London

24 Jul 2014, 3:22 am

I doubt there is any need to fake NT.

I'm always myself.

I'm never trying to be anyone else.

If someone doesn't like me then they can go away.


_________________
I am a partially verbal classic autistic. I am a pharmacology student with full time support.


Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

24 Jul 2014, 6:41 am

idk maybe it means being relatively loud and talking a lot?

sounds stupid I know :?



Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

24 Jul 2014, 8:05 am

I fake NT the majority of the time when in the presence of NTs.

Sometimes I don't have to fake much, sometimes I do. I do it because it makes things go smoother in many cases and I don't have to deal with AS/NT disconnect on top of whatever else is going on.

I fake the least, or not at all with family and closest friends. I never ever fake with my dogs. :lol:



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

24 Jul 2014, 8:26 am

Everybody, even NT's, have to "fake it" sometimes.

That's just "life."



DarkAscent
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 276
Location: -

24 Jul 2014, 9:11 am

When I was younger and was refusing to accept my differences, I tried to fake being "NT" in school because I was so desperate to fit it, but I failed horribly at it. If anything, it made my AS traits even more obvious.



freddie_mercury
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 150

24 Jul 2014, 9:17 am

I don't know if I would call it faking NT - but I do know that I put on an act when I am around people. But I prep for it. Like if I know that I am going to a wedding - I have to think about the people that I will be around, and then I do a little research on the things I think they will be talking about...and then I do my best to act like them. Politics, sports, music, etc.

But it is exhausting.



Adamantium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2013
Age: 1024
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,863
Location: Erehwon

24 Jul 2014, 9:54 am

You can't really fake reactions that you don't have, but you can conceal or minimize reactions that you do have that have a track record of being disturbing or disruptive. There are many situations in working and private life in which it is desirable to have the focus stay on the issue that has brought you together with other people and not shift to you and your unusual or unexpected behavior.

This is also true, as kraftiekortie says for NTs in general.

In working life, they call it a professional persona and it's something NTs have to learn and do deliberately, not some special ability.
http://www.askmen.com/money/professiona ... _life.html
http://www.northeastern.edu/careers/blo ... lf-lately/

You also see discussion of this associated with the idea of a "personal brand" --particularly in business culture:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2 ... nal-brand/
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/235823

This isn't considered "Fake" any more than it's considered fake when a policeman directs people with an assumed authority that is different than that used by a doorman. There are behavioral profiles that are role-dependent and when you go into a situation in which you have an assigned role, you are expected to act within that profile.

This is tricky when the roles and expected behaviors are not obvious, like going to a party or a wedding, but there are still roles and learning to act within them is not really faking.

I find that I can't learn or do everything that is expected in most situations, but I can learn some subset of major things not to do and a few things that are definitely OK to do, and otherwise I try not to attract attention and that seems somewhat successful much of the time.



BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

24 Jul 2014, 10:29 am

Adamantium and kraftiekortie have it spot-on correct, as to why some people feel the need to so-call "fake."

Everyone has to fake something, some of the time, in life, simply to smooth the way -- particularly in the world of work.

To those who either do not receive state benefits, or who do not have a family to support them, work is survival, and losing a job means homelessness and doom. If something about the way I really feel like behaving is going to lose me that job, cause me to have no work, and thus nowhere to live because "aint no one supporting me but me", then clearly I'm going to do everything in my power to NOT DO THAT THING. Not be myself entirely. Or not show that emotion/reaction. Etc etc.

I've had to fake like crazy because -- at first, early in life -- I thought that's what I HAD TO do. And then later I realized it's often what I must do in order to even stay employed.

I never had a diagnosis -- I'm one of the older people on here who grew up in the time when there wasn't sufficient recognition of high functioning autism and that it can cause problems too. I grew up knowing there was a truckload of things "wrong" with me, feeling clueless as to why, thus feeling like I "ought to be normal" so I'd just better get on with the business of learning how to be as close to "seeming normal" as I could.

Perhaps those who were diagnosed early in life as young children had a different experience of what to behave like because, knowing what you really are goes a long way to accepting it, and when you accept yourself you are much more able to "be" yourself too. I grew up being expected to fit in and be like most other people, but it took faking to fill that order.

I won't be burned at the stake for doing what I felt I HAD to do in order to get through life. I did and still do feel "a real need" to fake NT for reasons of survival.

Trust me, I'd LOVE not to. But to an extent everyone in this world, even NTs, can't just "let it all hang out" emotionally. Everyone hides reactions, masks emotions, puts a good front on things, doesn't let on that inwardly they are feeling crazy right now....Nobody is above this.



.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

24 Jul 2014, 12:23 pm

I never saw it as faking. It wasn't any different than learning to wait your turn or to share or ask before you use things that don't belong to you, using table manners, saying excuse me if someone is in your way. What exactly is faking NT?

I had been changing my whole life but everyone changes as they get older. To me everything was rules. I even came home one time saying to my mother "Sorry mom I forgot, that's school behavior" because she was talking to me about coming home screaming. Then she realized I was in the wrong class and I needed to be in mainstream to learn appropriate behavior. All kids do modify their behaviors in each situation to fit in and all kids mimic other behavior and that is what I was naturally born with but it also caused problems. But all kids do things they can get away with and if people let them. If my parents had let my school put me in a class with violent kids, I would have learned to be that way too. They thought I had to be in some behavior program and my parents said no to that and even my psychologist had to come to my school to tell them what can happen if they did that. I guess I have been a "faker" my whole life and I wonder if it's a talent I have. My parents always had to be careful around me and also figure out where my behavior came from because most of the time my behavior was always learned because I got it somewhere and am now mimicking it. It was always like I had split personalities growing up. But to me there was no such thing as fake because you either do it or you don't.

I guess if you have an ASD child that mimics people and likes to copy everyone, that is a good advantage because they have a good chance of learning social skills and acting appropriate but the disadvantage is being easily influenced by peers and younger kids and doing the wrong behaviors. In my mind I was always right so my parents had to figure out what caused the behavior and how I got that idea. I even noticed as a child kids had different rules for each age group because my mom was always spelling them out to me. I know normal kids pick up on this naturally and don't need to be told and they know how to act and what behavior to not do and I didn't know this. I remember always having to learn the hard way and then I started to copy my own age group only and older and I still got confused because kids my age didn't always act appropriate. Why was it okay for them but not me? My mom didn't like one of the group therapies I attended because the kids in there were so dysfunctional and I was more confused about behavior. This was the disadvantage. Would I be faking being dysfunctional if I acted like those kids?

I have vague memories in middle school selecting what behavior to do. It was like getting up for school and picking out an outfit, I was going to school picking out a behavior to do the teachers couldn't keep up with me. Then the school decided to suspend me and that got them control because it got me to stop.

So all this faking NT thing has always sounded alien. I would think faking is pretending you don't like something even though you do or saying you agree even though you don't agree. Yes everyone has to do these things because you sure don't want a conflict. if you know a person who is so sensitive and gets upset when anyone doesn't agree, you would hate to get in a conflict with them so you just listen to everything they say and not disagree so it's like you are pretending you agree with everything you say. As a kid, other kids hated school buses with green seats so I always complained about the buses too to try and fit in even though I had no issues with them. But all this pretend crap I was doing didn't get me more friends or make me likable and I was still an outcast and different. I decided to quit following the crowd in middle school and be myself. I am not going to make myself get into things just because other kids are or pretend to dislike something just because other kids do. I understand why kids would do this if they don't want to get teased and bullied and made fun of. This was why I was doing it as a kid because I wanted to be normal and not be teased. Nothing to do with being NT. I can be myself more now that I am an adult. I don't have to worry about being bullied or nothing or teased or made fun of and I can wear the same outfit if I like and no one will know except for people who live in the same household. In school I refused to wear the same clothes but I wouldn't call it faking. I have always been self conscious about myself too so I would only do certain things when I am alone but not do it around other people, I still wouldn't call it faking. I am sure everyone does this too. Some people might like picking their noses but might not do it out in public or around their friends and family and co workers.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


Marybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,818

24 Jul 2014, 4:07 pm

I think of faking as putting on a persona to interface with the world and relate to people.
To most people it comes naturally and they seem to do it so it so easily and spontaneously.
They probably don't even think about it.
I don't mimic people and would probably be very awkward if I tried.
In high school I didn't know how to get along with other people and fit in. I still don't know how to fit in and be part of a group, but I have learned to be polite and considerate.



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 62,501
Location: UK

24 Jul 2014, 4:13 pm

It's not all about faking it.

Personally, for me it's been quite a long and on going "journey" of finding a way to just be content enough within myself so that I can live along side the people who I live and work with.


_________________
We have existence


KingdomOfRats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,833
Location: f'ton,manchester UK

24 Jul 2014, 4:17 pm

am unable to be any less different and obvious; both visualy and behavioraly speaking and have more chance of being a telekinetic pyschic than a NT emulator.
but also do not understand the concept of emulating other groups or individual people.


_________________
>severely autistic.
>>the residential autist; http://theresidentialautist.blogspot.co.uk
blogging from the view of an ex institutionalised autism/ID activist now in community care.
>>>help to keep bullying off our community,report it!


B19
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,993
Location: New Zealand

24 Jul 2014, 6:27 pm

What I think that term means is copying - ie you are in a setting, you observe and exactly copy what they do/say etc. I think it is a strategy that many of us have tried at some time, particularly in social settings, though it is exhausting, because it is totally in authentic, uses up HUGE amounts of energy, does not get any of our deeper needs met, and if they accept us as fake NTs we still know that we are rejected as our own beautiful selves, whether they know that or not.

When they say mean things, give them a long stare, and say "Ouch." Then walk away holding your head up! This delivers the message that they are being unkind, and it is important to send that message, not just slink away (which reinforces their behaviour and powertripping).



olympiadis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,849
Location: Fairview Heights Illinois

24 Jul 2014, 9:20 pm

I think it is absolutely fake because it has no basis in reality.
If you think it does, then you just haven't reverse engineered the process far enough.