My Aspiness has ruined my relationship

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Oh! You've just hit on one of my massive short fuse areas - people visibly treating children from mixed relationships differently. No need for that. And it's damaging to both children. That has to stop.

I don't have a problem with her feeling on the inside that she loves her blood grandchild more - but there's no need to be obvious about it. It's enormously disrespectful to you. Annoying as it may be, it's probably a good thing that she bailed on the childcare (no excuse for not providing notice though!). I can totally understand why an older person might not want to care for two small children, but there is NO EXCUSE for letting someone down in their childcare arrangements.

OK, the high drama stuff is something that will ease over time and you may feel less annoyed by their behaviour when the stress isn't so high on everyone. But I agree that kind of intrusive, constantly in-touch behaviour is really annoying - and I'm not sure I could live with it.

The everyday behaviour stuff is not going to get solved right now when everyone has so much going on. But I think there are some serious ongoing issues that need to get resolved. I think it might be worth couples therapy. This doesn't sound unresolvable if you were otherwise happy.

Wait, she does what to your daughter?

No, just no. Just, just no. No, do not have this woman in your house or in your life.

It's possible things can be salvaged, but you really do need to set some boundaries, and if he can't tolerate that then this is really his problem, not something you've created. He's essentially invited you to come share his life as a doormat.

For now, you can certainly tell him that you are not interested in the thoughts of his brother and mother. That you don't like either of them and are all done being treated badly by them, and are not interested in any further relationship with them. Again, he can do as he pleases, but you're not going along for the ride.

Frankly, given what he's put up with from them, I'm really not convinced that couples therapy would do anything but start more fights. I'd just let him know where you stand, clear his family from your living space and your mind, and let him figure out how to handle what's really his own conflict. He can go to therapists himself if he likes. And if his mom treats your daughter that way, do not allow her to be in a room with your daughter. If your guy chooses to be insulted by that, again, that's his business, but you have to protect your girl.

Man. Yeah, sorry, that makes me angry too.