Moving Out Of Parent's House

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I recently started renting an apt for the first time (I'm 32). It's in the next town over (which is not very far since this is New England) from where I've been living in my mom's house since finishing college (at age 23). I'm finding myself very unmotivated to get furniture in there and actually live/sleep there because it's anxiety producing and I'm busy with a lot of other things too...But the longer I spend paying $650 a month for a place I'm not living the more of a total idiot I feel like which also causes me to not want to think about it.

Would it help if you think of it as your own special private safe place? Traditional furnishings won't do at all. You'd give some thought to exactly what makes a great place for you. I call my apartment "aspie heaven." It doesn't matter who likes it as long as I do. One of my guides was the book you'll see listed below my signature. Special lighting can go a long way.

Also, there was a time in my life when I had a one-bedroom apartment but I didn't need that much and it was a waste of money - I got a studio, that was much better.

I hope you'll find or make a place that's perfect for you!

Good for you for moving into your own apartment. You can furnish as you go. Thrift stores are a great place to get furniture. I would avoid mattresses and sofas from thrift stores. Big box stores often have decent, lower cost furniture. I agree that your own place can be a place of safety and also a place to recuperate from your busy day.

You need to really just get the mattress in there so you dont end up sleeping on a bunch of pillows and being content with it like me

But really, if you can finish college you can motivate yourself to do this. I find the trick is to do it in the middle of the night because i somehow feel a lot more motivated during that time.

You cant think about it, the more you think the harder those things become to do.

I've been living on my own the last few months too, the place was furnished so I didn't need to worry about bringing anything besides my own stuff but when my lease is up I'm hoping to move somewhere a little bigger and less restrictive(I live in a large apartment building). What about getting furniture is causing you anxiety? The money or just going out and getting it? There are a lot of good place to look, try Craigslist or hotel liquidators if you're looking to save money.

Good for you in getting this place -- I agree with the others who say think of is as your own aspie heaven, all to yourself.

In tackling the anxiety and postponement of getting furniture and living there, it will help if you can define for yourself what aspect of this is causing the anxiety, as there are several things that could be.

It is the expense?
As someone said, big-box stores often have the most affordable prices around. I have a lot of stuff from IKEA that I find both nice/stylish and yet was pretty much dirt cheap. Thrift stores also are good, although I second NOT getting your mattress or couch from those places.
Also, you don't have to go out and get everything all at once. Just start with the essentials, like a bed (or just mattress), and add from their at your leisure.

Is it the choices you'll have to make?
Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to shop for things, especially things for the home that you may have to live with for a long time to come. If you're not sure what you like, what style to go for, and let these considerations get to you, it can become agony to choose thing.

Just go with what appeals to you. When I shopping for items -- be it clothes, furniture, or other non-food things that will be in my life for a long time if not forever, I can always tell I REALLY like a thing when I get this excited feeling deep in my gut, almost like that stomach-drop sensation on a roller coaster ride. When I merely think something's okay and "nice enough," I don't get that feeling. I may still buy that thing anyway, but when something really thrills me and I'm in love with it, I know I want to choose it because of that gut thing. Moments like those take a lot of difficulty out of the choosing process. Just go with whatever grabs you more than the other things of the same kind.

Is it a deeper issue that's more psychological in nature?
Sometimes when we feel ambiguous about a new living space it causes a person not to start furnishing or decorating it, or not to unpack their boxes of belongings. The ambiguity may lie in one or more of a number of different reasons. If we don't really like the place or the neighborhood, and deep down can't see ourselves staying long. Or, if we feel somehow this is all too much and we might let the place go and go back to the former living situation. Or, if we are having conflicting feelings about it at all, or feel we somehow don't deserve the place and should be back where we were.

Is it about worrying regarding actual physical safety?
Living alone for the first time may for some bring up issues of fear in terms criminal activity, such as break-ins, burglaries, etc. When you're used to living with family or other people, there is a sense of security in having more than just one set of eyes and ears to be aware if someone is threatening the safety of your home, as well as knowing that there are other people with you to tackle the situation should that ever arise - to call the police while someone finds the baseball bat, etc!

But this stuff is not all that likely statistically, and as long as you can satisfy yourself that your windows and doors close in a reasonably firm and secure manner, or maybe that you have or can have an alarm system installed, it might help you feel safer alone there. I felt insecure and worried the first time I lived alone -- exacerbated by the fact that my entire backyard door was full of broken glass slats with nothing to stop an intruder from slashing the screen and opening the simple button-lock handle from the inside! Talk about unsafe! But I fixed the situation and gradually learned to feel safer there. Indeed, nothing happened the whole seven years I proceeded to live alone there.

None of these may be how you feel in your particular case, but it might help to examine whether or not there might be a deeper reason that's making you procrastinate on fully taking the home over and making it yours with all your own choices of belongings.

Or, on the other hand, maybe you're not into a ton of possessions, are a minimalist at heart, and actually dislike the idea of filling up your place and your life with object. There is nothing wrong with minimalism as an ethical choice or a matter of personal taste, and if you don't really feel a need for "things" yet feel like it's what you're supposed to do, try to examine that and let yourself do what your really want to with your place.

None of this may be where you're coming from, but it's just some things to think about. Congrats again, it's pretty exciting to have your own place for the first time!

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Wow Birdinflight, your writing is impressive. Definitely one of the most eloquent, most articulate posts i've ever read on the internet.

Makes me want to look at your past posts, keep it up!

OGBobbyJohnson, thanks for that wonderful compliment, but I must disagree -- I ramble on way, way too much, hahaha! I always start out intending to be as economical as I can, but then I get carried away with all the things I've thought of to say, and it always turns into too long a post! It's a bad habit! I think others have been much more efficient and succinct. Also, don't even look at all my typos, a really bad fault of mine. But you're very kind.

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When I first rented a room in an apartment, I really freaked. What helped me was to think of what I hated about my parents' house and why, then recreating a sanctuary of sorts in my rented place. I ended up with a room which had a wardrobe to hold my clothes, a waste paper basket, a mattress on the floor and a laptop. It also helped me that I would go back to my parents' place on regularly scheduled days 'to visit' so I knew I could always touch base with the familiar. In the end, I loved living alone so much, it was quiet, I never had to see anyone elseooutside of work, I called the shots on everything (no more smelly laundry detergent!) And not being stressed out with doing chores on my mom's schedule (which always clashed with work) meant I could take up college psychology classes online and freaking ace them. I cried the day my landlady sold her house and I had to move back home.

Does your mother mind you living with her? If not, then why don't you just stop renting that place and use that money for youself and your mother in a more useful way. It's nice to have your mum around, too (if she is nice). I would definitely do that.

Whoa thanks for the replies everyone. I just read them now because forgot that I had to check my other email in order to know if there were replies.

If you're overwhelmed with having to make decisions about how to furnish it, one suggestion would be to get a home-interior magazine (or, search on the Web), and find furniture that you like, then go to the furniture store and show the salesperson, and they'll take you to where that type of furniture is located in their store. (This, I don't think though, will work in Ikea, for instance----plus, as I understand it, then you have to assemble the furniture.) Lots of people do things like this----take a picture to the hairdresser to get a certain hairstyle that they like, for instance. I used to have a friend that would go to the store, and just buy everything on a manequin, because she didn't know how to dress shop. That's another idea.... when you go to a furniture store they have rooms already set-up, so you can see how it will look / what things should be grouped-together, etc. Another thing you could do, is just copy a room that's in your parents' house----that could, maybe, insure your being more at-ease.

BirdInFlight gave the best advice, though.... You really need to have a conversation with yourself to find-out what is causing your hesitancy, and then proceed from there.

What do you think about getting a used or new mattress?

That's a question of how much money you have to spare really but really a used one doesn't matter as much as some would make it out probably, you sleep in hotels right? All used. As long as it's comfortable and clean, it doesn't really matter to me. You can get something bigger and of nicer quality if you go used probably.

yeah Jacoby that's what I was thinking. going to check one out i saw on craiglist tomorrow...

I just moved out a couple of months ago. I didn't want to move into my apartment either. It was scary. I had gotten used to living with my mom even though I hated it. I am still sometimes overwhelmed with the work I have to do to take care of the apartment. What has helped me is doing one little thing at a time and making a list. Lists really help me when I faced with a big task and feel overwhelmed. I bet after a while, you will start to enjoy making the apartment space into a home. I know I have. Decorating and cleaning have become new hobbies of mine.