initial meeting for assessment did not go well!

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Zette's points are very useful here. Just to build off of one of them - she mentions behavioral interventions.
In the US; education and mental health law are fairly clear that it's the impairment (and not the diagnosis) that determines what level of services are required. School systems and managed health care providers don't always comply with these laws, but that is how they're written and sometimes enforced. I'm pointing that out because even without a diagnosis, it is possible to start behavioral treatments for real behavioral problems. All you probably need for that is documentation that the problem is occurring. This is especially true if there are any safety concerns (such as running into streets, hurting others, or self, or threatening to hurt oneself - which I believe you reported). When those are present, it often speeds up action because no-one wants to be held liable for saying that a child was "fine" when they were threatening suicide.

It may be helpful, when having frustrating meetings with "gatekeepers" (if this person is indeed playing that role) to keep in mind that you are entitled to records of their professional decisions (I'm assuming this is the case in UK). You could even ask them to write a report for you saying that after having observed and discussed X, Y, and Z behaviors that so and so poses no risk to himself or others, and appears to be a typical child in every way. When people see that you intend to hold them accountable for their judgement, it may make them a bit more cautious about it. You also need to be careful with those sorts of tactics. Asking for documentation of a meeting should be a matter-of-course sort of thing, rather than an openly hostile statement. You could even say that you want it for the school, and just in case you decide to get a second opinion. You don't want to make people that are in charge of your child's future dislike you. On the other hand, it can be helpful to convey that you take this seriously, are organized and know your rights. It's a subtle way to encourage them to take you seriously.

I also think it would be helpful to talk to people at a local autism association to find out what your options are. I found it hard to figure out the "what's next," and that was even after we got the dx (which we did privately). I think if waiting until school starts is the worst case scenario, that's not so bad. If you talk to the teacher about your concerns at the beginning of the year, she may put things in place to get a proper dx. Even if that doesn't happen, you may find that the school will provide some of the needed supports without it. You may not be able to get an aide, but you might get the teacher to use or suggest learning strategies that will be really helpful.

Hi there, I'm in Scotland. I don't know whereabout you are, and how this all works varies even within local authority and health board areas, but I can tell you how it went for us.

Briefly:

Shortly after my son started P2 - so when he was a few months short of 6 years old - the Depute Head Teacher told me, informally, that they had concerns about aspects of his behaviour, particularly his tendency to hit his head off hard surfaces, but also other less noticeable aspects of his behaviours and interactions. I told her that I shared her concerns, and that when I'd raised the issue of head banging with the Health Visitor when son was a toddler I was told it was normal and he'd grow out of it. Depute HT suggested I go back to Health Visitor.

New Health Visitor - had never seen him before. Another informal conversation. He said he didn't know what might be going on, but he'd have a think about it, and speak to others.

School Nurse contacted me - the Health Visitor had asked her to get involved. She came to meet me at home - was there for about 1.5 hours chatting about my son. She then spoke to his teachers, and then referred on to Community Paediatrician.

Community Paediatrician saw my son and me for a formal appointment at a Health Centre. She said it looked like autism, and referred him to the Community Autism Team for an assessment. She also referred to Speech and Language Therapy - as even if not autistic, then would possibly benefit from SLT attention.

So, from school to paediatrician took about 2 or 3 months.

He had initial SLT assessment a couple of months later, and was allocated an SLT.

Around this time - the Educational Psychologist was also involved, and her reports were copied to the SLT and also formed part of the actual autism assessment.

The wait for an autism assessment at that time was long - it took 15 months.

However, that didn't really matter so much because in the meantime, he had an SLT who worked with him at school, and met regularly with me at home. The school and the Ed Psych were also working with him and putting in place various accommodations and adjustments for my son.

15 months later - he was formally assessed, all the various professionals had met together, shared information and we had a plan. By the time he was diagnosed, it wasn't a surprise to anyone and other than the school and the health professionals being able to file their paperwork under a new heading, it didn't make much difference to my son.

Now - CAMHS. I have met people whose children were diagnosed having come into the system through CAHMS because their mental health was causing concern. My son saw CAMHS last year for a limited time and they were very clear that they dealt only with mental health - NOT any issues related directly and solely to his ASD.

I do think that cutback and waiting lists in some areas of the health services can mean that people are referred inappropriately and maybe that's what's happened with you and yours and CAMHS are fed up with it. I don't know. What I do know is that even though some people do manage to get an assessment/diagnosis of ASD through CAMHS it tends to be a torturous and difficult process, really because you're in the wrong system.

My recommendation is that you go back to the school, meet with them and see if you can follow a similar route to ours. I thought it worked really well with the school being at the centre of the process, and all the other professionals feeding in to that one central point then information being shared again from there.

I also suggest that you contact NAS (National Autistic Society) and ask what they recommend for your particular area.

I could be wrong, but I don't think CAMHS are being deliberately obstructive or gate-keeping. I think they are probably being put upon and receiving inappropriate referrals, or confused referrals. People might be getting sent to them because the Autism Assessment system is overload/underfunded, which is a bit like someone with an eye problem being referred to a dentist because all the eye specialists have long waiting lists, and hey, eyes ? teeth ? it's all something to do with your face...

I'm glad people have been able to help you out with information specific to your area. I agree with those who have said your son's relationship with siblings certainly does NOT rule out a potential ASD diagnosis. As ASDmommyASDkid said, it is not unusual for a child with ASD to function reasonably well in the family setting, particularly children who have language and are higher functioning. As said, the child not only learns the rhythms of the family, but the family does a lot of natural accommodating. That's certainly what has happened in our household. An outside observer watching my three children would notice some strange behaviors from my middle child, but the oldest and youngest adjust to him really well, and they are the best of friends. Yes, they are sometimes annoyed by him, and he has his frustrations, too, but the relationship works in a way only a family relationship can. In diagnostic interviews, questions are often posed, with the caveat "outside of your family" (e.g., "is he able to start conversations with other children outside of his siblings") because evaluators understand that family relationships are unique and don't necessarily always reflect the level of impairment.

I also agree that research strongly supports early intervention, so the idea that it can't be diagnosed until the age of 8 is absolutely ridiculous. Perhaps she is thinking he is so high functioning that the difficulties will become more clear at age 8 (which isn't unheard of), but that is insane because it's apparent from your end that difficulties are already there.

You know what it's like on the NHS...

I think you've probably been mis-referred by your GP. So you need to go back to him/her and get a better referral. Go armed with specific services you want to access. It's probably not CAMHS.

The sooner the better, because there will almost certainly be a long waiting list.

Talk to your school or your local authority about the statementing process. They won't mind, because they get extra money for statemented kids. The council will mind, as they have to pay. But given it's summer, that may be the only way to access information.

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. We went through a GP referral to CAMHS and met a lovely young psychologist (no PhD) who did an initial assessment using an ASD checklist (not sure which diagnostic tool) and then placed daughter on a year-long waiting list for full assessment by consultant paediatrician, clinicial psychologist, educational psychologist, speech and language therapist. Was this lady a psychologist? If not, you could ask for a more specific referral. I think going back to your GP without your child in tow is quite a good idea. Your GP knows that if she doesn't get you through to a better service you will be showing up over and over with problems with your kid and is thus motivated to make it happen.
Your council's educational service may also have an ASD team, they won't help with diagnosis but they may be great sources of info. Mine is super-helpful.