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AspieOtaku
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30 Jul 2014, 4:36 am

At times I dont think I am, I am immature awkward and at times rigid and afraid, but I come to realization that since my mother wont be around too much longer and my father isnt going to live forever either that I will be alone and that it might be time for me to find someone to start a familiy with since I am on my own and alone. I am not getting any younger and I am very lonely I deny at times I need someone in my life but I am lying to myself, I dont know when it will happen or if it will happen but secretly I hope it does happen. I just dont know if there will be someone out there that would want a freak like me.


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kraftiekortie
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30 Jul 2014, 8:28 am

:hail: (The emoticon should read "I'm not worthy")

Seriously: you seem all right.

As long as you don't abuse somebody, or are not some child molester, why wouldn't you be worthy of love?



Protector88
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30 Jul 2014, 9:46 am

You are not a freak man. Even if you were, there are people who like freaks (like me).

It doesn't happen out of itself, you have to work for it and even when you do, there is no guarantee you will find someone. You seem like a good guy so don't worry to much.



Anna_K
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30 Jul 2014, 10:34 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
:hail:

Seriously: you seem all right.

As long as you don't abuse somebody, or are not some child molester, why wouldn't you be worthy of love?


Definitely agree.


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kaedatiger
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30 Jul 2014, 11:47 am

In my experience, frequently socializing with friends with diverse social groups is one of the best ways to meet potential partners.

As for worthiness, that's not a real thing. You are worthy when you decide that you are worthy. If you're worried about meeting a standard, the easy solution is to upgrade yourself in some way. Update your wardrobe, learn or improve a skill, fix your health habits, or something else you can level up for benefits.



AspieOtaku
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30 Jul 2014, 12:25 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
:hail: (The emoticon should read "I'm not worthy")

Seriously: you seem all right.

As long as you don't abuse somebody, or are not some child molester, why wouldn't you be worthy of love?
I am socially awkward, I talk to myself and I don't make much money at the moment I don't really think of myself worthy of love because I can barely take care of myself at times and I act immature qualities most women don't find as soulmate material. I do have a kind heart however I am not abusive nor a child molestor so at least thats something what draws me back is my abusive past and having flashbacks and feeling worthless though, my self esteem at times is very low and nobody wants someone with a low self esteem either.


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Cafeaulait
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30 Jul 2014, 12:30 pm

Yes, you are worthy of love! :)



Protector88
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30 Jul 2014, 12:32 pm

You really seem like a nice guy so don't worry about the rest. There are people who are superficial and care about those stuff but also people who would rather have a nice guy then a guy with a job and all that other stuff. There are girls who also don't have a job and who also are a kid at heart. You believe you are alone and I can understand that but there really are people that will like you in this world. Finding them on the other hand can be a problem but never stop trying.

You are right that most girls like a confident man but I have known girls who fall for an emotional guy who is not confident. Every one has a soulmate (or more).



Beau
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30 Jul 2014, 7:32 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
...at the moment I don't really think of myself worthy of love...


You've answered your own question. It doesn't matter if hundreds of people write and tell you that you are worthy because you, yourself, don't even believe it. If I were you, I would figure out first who I am, and then, start learning to love myself and all of my unique qualities. Honestly, I don't believe that you can truly love someone else unless you love yourself first. Otherwise, if you do get into a relationship, then it may lead to codependency, which isn't healthy.



sly279
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30 Jul 2014, 8:26 pm

kaedatiger wrote:
In my experience, frequently socializing with friends with diverse social groups is one of the best ways to meet potential partners.

As for worthiness, that's not a real thing. You are worthy when you decide that you are worthy. If you're worried about meeting a standard, the easy solution is to upgrade yourself in some way. Update your wardrobe, learn or improve a skill, fix your health habits, or something else you can level up for benefits.


that leads to drama. you start dating a friend of a friend, it goes south now the mutual friend is mad at you. same for work/volunteer and clubs.

I geuss if one doesn't care about losing a job, friend or social club it might be an ok risk. I can't afford to lose those.. not to mention non of my friends or family care enough to introduce me to women.

I'm in the same boat AspieOtaku, wish I could solve our problem. eventually my family will move on to other things and I'll be truely alone.



downbutnotout
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30 Jul 2014, 8:40 pm

Love has always seemed like a terrible cure to loneliness to me... unless you consider yourself a gambler.

I have my doubts about finding someone, too, but I'm not comfortable waiting and hoping. I focus on things that are reliable and within my control.

The idea of old age "alone" doesn't bother me, but I do fear becoming sick and having no one to help me or being one of those people who rots in their home for months before the smell is strong enough for neighbors to notice. I think I'd be able to rely more on volunteer opportunities or caretakers than love, though.



RightGalaxy
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31 Jul 2014, 5:46 am

Is love worthy of you?

You can fill your life with a different kind of love first before you find a personal love. Try it out for a great while before you say a single word about loneliness. Look up any legitimate, charitable organizations and ask them if they need volunteers. Start volunteering in all capacities whether it be for animal leagues, conservations projects, or whatever. Give of yourself to your community and then you will find the greatest love which is giving without expectation. And then, after a great while, you will find that personal love that is worthy of you. You must be patient. Don't give money. Give your time and hard work. Wait it out. If you read downbutnotout's post, you'll see an interesting thing at the end of it - about relying on charity and volunteers - that's humanitarian love. That's the verb called love. Wouldn't you like to be on the giving end instead of the receiving end?? A lot of people who post on this site don't see their depression and/or loneliness as self-indulgent. When you start seeing it that way, you will get motivated to get out of your own head and start doing things for others in need. "feed the hungry and you will be full." Now, most importantly, when you find your personal love eventually, it should never be a client but another volunteer who is a "giver" by nature or a person like this. Don't get "personally" involved with the people you help. Give help only but back off. Concentrate on those that are doing the helping. If you take "Beau's" advice and mine too, you will be in for better days. Don't see the abuse in your past as an encumbrance, see it as a way of being able to relate to those people that these things have happened to. Do you remember Mother Theresa's charitable quest in India? She came from wealth but lived at a consummate level of poverty. Learn about compassion. Read about the Compassionate Buddah and the Compassionate Christ and your life will be changed. You will be full. Loneliness is the twin brother of emptyness. Full someone's cup and yours will be filled twice.



RightGalaxy
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31 Jul 2014, 6:38 am

sly279 wrote:
kaedatiger wrote:
In my experience, frequently socializing with friends with diverse social groups is one of the best ways to meet potential partners.

As for worthiness, that's not a real thing. You are worthy when you decide that you are worthy. If you're worried about meeting a standard, the easy solution is to upgrade yourself in some way. Update your wardrobe, learn or improve a skill, fix your health habits, or something else you can level up for benefits.


that leads to drama. you start dating a friend of a friend, it goes south now the mutual friend is mad at you. same for work/volunteer and clubs.

I geuss if one doesn't care about losing a job, friend or social club it might be an ok risk. I can't afford to lose those.. not to mention non of my friends or family care enough to introduce me to women.

I'm in the same boat AspieOtaku, wish I could solve our problem. eventually my family will move on to other things and I'll be truely alone.


People live in black and white too often and never see the gray area of forgiveness. If someone gets mad at you, open your mouth and apologize from your heart and tell them it's from your heart. Swallow your pride and accept their forgiveness. Wherever there are people, there will be drama. People DO ruin everything - just focus on the task at hand - if the drama can't handle "you", then tell it to f**ck off.



Janissy
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31 Jul 2014, 7:14 am

I think "worthy" (and its companion "deserving") are unhelpful concepts when thinking about and looking for love. It makes it seem like love is something that somebody else bestows upon you when you are "good enough" or when you have finally figured out exactly how to match their invisible criteria. The problem then is that if you don't have a partner you inevitably think it is because you are unworthy/undeserving/not good enough. Then you look around at visibly awful people (such as violent abusers) and either have an agony of self loathing ("how horrible I must be to be even worse than a paired-up violent abuser) or start thinking the opposite sex is "stupid" for picking such people (a meme in Nice Guy threads).

I think it's a lot more helpful to think in terms of "compatible" rather than "deserving". If two people have traits that allow them to mesh well with each other, they are compatible. Worthiness doesn't even come into it. Worthiness really isn't relevant.

So stop beating yourself up about worthiness and focus instead on compatibility. Shared interests are what everybody goes on about but shared interests are really just a way to narrow down likely meeting places for you and to give you something to do while dating. They are the start but they aren't enough. Far more important are shared values and compatible traits.

Think about what your values are and try looking for women (at places of shared interests) who share those values. For example if you value saying exactly what you mean and being blunt (a common value on this board) then stop looking for a pretty face and instead listen for the woman who you hear being equally blunt in her conversations. You are more likely to be compatible with her than you are with an oblique woman, however beautiful she is.

As I look at your OP, you use the terms "immature" and "awkward". Perhaps you might have better success finding somebody who is compatible if you look for somebody who is also immature and awkward. Two immature and awkward people might eventually implode as a couple (or not) but failed relationships are a way to get a better understanding of compatibility. And looking for somebody with similar traits but be a foot in the door to at least dating.

If you frame this in terms of compatibility rather than worthiness, you will likely be better able to find the woman who is right for you.



sly279
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31 Jul 2014, 8:17 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kaedatiger wrote:
In my experience, frequently socializing with friends with diverse social groups is one of the best ways to meet potential partners.

As for worthiness, that's not a real thing. You are worthy when you decide that you are worthy. If you're worried about meeting a standard, the easy solution is to upgrade yourself in some way. Update your wardrobe, learn or improve a skill, fix your health habits, or something else you can level up for benefits.


that leads to drama. you start dating a friend of a friend, it goes south now the mutual friend is mad at you. same for work/volunteer and clubs.

I geuss if one doesn't care about losing a job, friend or social club it might be an ok risk. I can't afford to lose those.. not to mention non of my friends or family care enough to introduce me to women.

I'm in the same boat AspieOtaku, wish I could solve our problem. eventually my family will move on to other things and I'll be truely alone.


People live in black and white too often and never see the gray area of forgiveness. If someone gets mad at you, open your mouth and apologize from your heart and tell them it's from your heart. Swallow your pride and accept their forgiveness. Wherever there are people, there will be drama. People DO ruin everything - just focus on the task at hand - if the drama can't handle "you", then tell it to f**ck off.


apologize for what?

what I mean is you date girl A from work , goes south you break up, girl A gets you fired from work. now you're jobless .
if I never date at work then I won't lose my job from dating at work.