Questioning your sexuality

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I have had nothing but bad things happen to me over the last 10 years when it comes to trying to date females. The last couple of years I have started questioning myself if I am even supposed to be with a woman and that maybe I should look at both guys and girls. I don't even find women that attractive anymore, but there are some that I would still date. Anybody else having this issue?

That would make things a lot easier for me - being sexually fluid that is - but no I've never ever been even slightly attracted to the male figure. I can't relate when male hetero posters on the internet said they'd be gay for a certain actor even jokingly.

If you're physically attracted to men, why not give it a try?

Like Persevero, I can't muster up even a glimmer of physical attraction for my own gender, and there's certainly no guarantee it would have made my life easier/better in any way if I could have.

I have done a few times, but it took "giving it a go" and failing at it to eradicate the last hint of curiosity about my own sexuality. I had a similar mindset to your own, but you can't change who you are, no matter how burnt-out you might be from failed attempts at dating.

No, I am one hundred percent straight.

I have not had the slightest interest in talking to a girl lately. I do find some guys to be attractive, but its finding one that is also into guys as well. Most guys around here are straight and the ones that are like me won't tell you.

What you like naturally (and if you're not lying to yourself), that's probably where your sexuality resides.

Despite the number of gay male friends I've had in the past, I've never been intimate in any way with any of them. Sometimes I worry what they'd think if I ever got outed as a breeder. So far I've managed to keep my family a secret, and I worry that it's just a matter of time...

Hmm...I've never had any kind of problem in this regard (ever since I had a sexuality I knew I was pansexual) but given your age I guess it makes sense that you might've never gotten a chance to understand yourself very well given the cultural ideas back then....I can see how an Autistic person could (like me) not notice the culture's stigma and never be "in the closet" in the first place, OR, since most Autistic people know so little about dating and have to rely so heavily on others' advice, not consider any possibilities other than those the people told them about.

But whatever. Very few people are 100% "straight" or 100% "gay"; most people will have at least one or two people they'd "bend" for, even if they never end up meeting those people. I guess being aware of your sexual urges when you look at/think about different things and being open to different possibilities is the best you can do right now.

Also, keep in mind that sexual and romantic attraction are two different things that have very interesting/odd ways of working together. You could be heteroromantic but pansexual, or homosexual but heteroromantic, or asexual but panromantic, or demisexual (only sexually attracted to people whose personalities you like) and pansexual, or aromantic but heterosexual, or any kind of permutation of all the various possibilities (there are too many to list). You may be surprised when you figure out whatever it is your genitals and feelings want.

For me, it was easy--pansexual, panromantic. I guess my higher sex drive also forced me to figure out what I wanted earlier on. But many people will end up with really "weird" sexualities and romantic attractions...have fun figuring that out! I understand that a lot of times finding people to have sex with to "test" those kinds of things is difficult for Autistic people, but masturbating can help a lot (it's really not a good idea to have sex if you haven't masturbated anyway).

I questioned my sexuality in the past. Two things helped me figure it out.

1) I have had two periods of celibacy (no sex with self or others) that lasted several months. These periods of time helped me become aware of my same-sex attractions.

2) When I masturbate while looking at porn, I do not get aroused by looking at a naked guy. It does not excite me at all. I don't fantasize about it. I do get aroused when I see a naked woman who is physically attractive or I fantasize about me with the woman. Everyday, several times a day, when I am in public, I have to pull my eyes away from pretty women that I see. I just naturally notice and want to look pretty women. I'm not looking at their hair or eyes either. I'm checking them out, thinking about sex. It is much rarer for me to check out a guy.

These facts have led me to the conclusion that I am bisexual with a strong preference for females. Looking back on my life honestly, with none of the cultural BS distracting me, I have always had the same sexual orientation (even when I was a little kid).

Perhaps do some research on the different types of sexual orientation and think about who you are attracted to. That will tell you what you sexual orientation is.

I've been questioning my sexuality most of my life.

As a teenager I thought that I was gay but I was unable to discuss this with anybody and I never met another gay person until I went to University in London. It was the early 80s - not a good time to be gay.

Nowadays I am almost exclusively attracted to women and I am in a relationship with a woman. I guess technically I would call myself bisexual but I am far more attracted to the opposite sex these days.

This isn't something I have willed to make happen, it's just the way things have gone. Looking back at guys I found attractive as a teen it's a bit like listening again to a band you raved over in your youth and thinking "meh - what did I see in these guys?". There are a couple of exceptions but I wonder if envy isn't playing a part here - this is how I wish I looked rather than who I want to be in a relationship with,

Being (very largely) straight nowadays may seem to have made things easier for me but sometimes I feel like I went through an awful lot of pain and misery as a teenager and young man and for nothing. I feel like a bit chunk of my life was "stolen".

I haven't met or read of anyone who has had a similar experience. I have read a lot of stuff saying that this can't possibly happen but I am being completely honest with myself about how things have gone. I could completely believe that I was just very late in maturing sexually and that I didn't really grow up in that way until I was in my twenties.

If anyone has links to any material that might relate to my experiences I would be most interested in reading more about this.

I am still feeling conflicted. I still want to be with girls but all of my fantasies are with guys. I am really just wanting someone and I think I would happy if it was either a girl or guy.