People dislike me

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Hi
I am new here, and I think I have a mild form of autism, or I might be an alien.

I misunderstand friends, which leads to me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't "back off" when a friend is tired of me. I am just awful according to people, although I try my best to understand them.

It's painful how much rejection I have faced due to my "strange" personality. After everything, I usually stand there confused.

Welcome to the club.

If you are on the Autism Spectrum then of course people dislike you, we're the most annoying people on the planet. =(

Oh,
Hi ya and Welcome!
btw.

See that quote it is not a joke we really are very annoying to other people and it does not matter how hard you try that is just the way we are.

OP at least you have put this together at age 20 I was 37 before I joined all the dots together.

No one likes me either, a girl I liked actually pushed me and called me a weirdo. Another girl supposedly a friend said that I'm arrogant and rude or something of that effect, and I really wasn't trying to be.

I get rejected in dating, in family relationships, in friendships (except one friend I am so grateful for who has always been accepting). Maybe it gets better for NT kids who deal with this, but not so much as an aspie adult.

Thank you all. it's not true or fair that we are "annoying". I go out of my way to not annoy or bother anyone
I am very confused, so I'm sorry. I am just trying to figure things out, I need to be likeable, it is causing me distress.

I usually deal with those situations logically, but they do hurt me because I have had an abusive childhood as well, that adds to the pain, not to mention the loneliness. As for my "dating" life, I am content with being alone for the next 10 years, by then I will hopefully go back to my actual home. I am an alien who have incarnated here, and I will be home soon.

Suggest try reading the book "Be Different" by Jon Elder Robison, or, "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. You aren't going to make yourself indistinguishable from an NT, but you may be able to diminish some of the most annoying habits you might have, that is, "Knock off the corners".

What is the phrase for when a professional with experience with Autism coaches you? Behavioral Training? Somebody? That of course is something that would have to be paid for.

You could probably find either of the two above books in your local library (that is, free!). The Dale book is practically a requirement for a management professional.

At least you are past the first step, knowing there is something different about you. It took me fifty years to find that out.

The Robison book has a viewpoint from a male Aspie, there are books from a female prospective, but since I haven't read any of them, I don't feel like I should recommend any. Again, another forum member please speak up if you have an opinion.

Sigh, so true. And most of the time we are blind to when/how we are being annoying or inappropriate. That's why a lot of us find that our friendships seems to evaporate "suddenly with no warning."

Last edited by EmeraldGreen on 10 Aug 2014, 10:00 am, edited 2 times in total.

We don't have to be annoying. You know that you have some issues with how you come across to some people and you want to be likeable. Then you are half way there. It sounds like you have some trouble reading other peoples signals, and that causes the problems you experience.

Then perhaps you haven't met the right friends. If you are an aspie and if your personality is a bit strange as you say, then you are perhaps not "compatible" with most people. So you will have to meet more people before you find the ones that you fit with.

And you are no alien! If you were, you should call NASA and the evening news.

It's apparent that you don't mean to be this way. Much of the communication between people is actually nonverbal. Many of us Aspies are unaware of the nonverbal aspects of conversation. I have to be told when a conversation is concluded or else I will keep talking.
I speak in a monotone voice and rarely engage in "small talk". Facial expressions have no meaning to me. I tend to be blunt and honest. If you have these traits, you will be considered rude and arrogant. We don't mean to be.

Is that you sitting on top of the e up there ^^^^?

Hi and welcome to the club!

I don't find people on the spectrum all that annoying.

Everyone has annoying quirks or traits, even NTs. I find most NTs (that I have personally come across) illogical, uneducated, slightly thick and prone to believing anything they are told as long as the rest of the group believes it as well (even if told complete rubbish)...lemming syndrome.

People with ASDs can be a little fussy with the routines and can sometimes get stuck on unimportant detail but that is far more tolerable (and often kind of cute in a way) than the NT annoying trait list above. At least they have interesting hobbies and other positive traits to make up for any annoying quirks they have. NT people just tend to be jerks (at least the ones I have met are) who run around thinking they are superior becuase they are neurotypical.

I am loath to call neurotypical superior to anything simply becuase it's not, its just the majority that is all. Species have been known to breed itself into extinction by selecting the wrong traits and focusing on the wrong attributes (giant irish deer i think is one example of that...you will need to check the species name but they were so fussy about choosing large antlers that over a period of time they became so big the deer could not function normally anymore and impaired their own survival as a result). We assume that natural selection is always right and that it always chooses the superior model...this is most likely not so...

It's usually the organisms best adapted to an environment but other factors can play a role and if the environment changes for any reasons then things can change drastically. It's not really about superior, inferior, normal or abnormal (in the eyes of nature there is NO such thing as abnormal or superior or inferior..that is merely how humans interpret it) there is just adaptation and the suitability of those adaptations to the environment the organism lives in.

Ergo NT attitudes annoy the hell out of me as they are not based in any kind of reality. They don't even understand how the world works. They are really ignorant and ego driven and obsessed with a society that is nothing more than a cosumerisitic sham full of greed, and an obsession with power and status over individuality and human rights.

Do you really care if a bunch of ignorant, uneducated, unintelligent idiots think you are annoying?

I'd rather tha company of animals than that of an idiotic ego driven NT human being anyway.

And aye I know people around here don't like my attitude, they worship NTs as they have been brainwashed into believing they are defective and that they need to change by them when, in many cases, they are not defective at all. If NTs accepted them as they were they wouldn't have many of the social problems they do...

I mean how hard is it really to take ASD traits into consideration when socialising with someone...

Ie someone takes things literally...then remember that and be literal when speaking to them

Someone likes a routine, then remember that and be respectful of that...NTs have their ways of doing things too and ASD people are expected to respect those so why cant NT people respect the ASD way of doing things?

I personally don't care if people think my way of thinking is offensive as I stand by it....People with austism deserve to be treated respectfully and as individuals. NT people are not without their faults or annoy traits, no human is. A little understanding and tolerance would go a long way.



PN i am aware there are exceptions and out there somewhere are some very nice NTs, I have just never had the privilage of meeting them.

Last edited by bumble on 10 Aug 2014, 4:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

I feel rather disliked.

Whether you are liked or disliked by many people is not an indication of what kind of person you are inside. People judge other people by superficial things. If you look somehow different, then people will come up with all sorts of imaginations. And many people are stupid enough and very willing to believe untrue malicious rumors etc. A group of people (such as those at work, school etc) can thus create a monster out of an innocent individual. But not all people are judgmental like that.

My experience has been pretty much the same as the OP's. The best way to deal with it is not to care (worry) about it any more. Whether you care or not, those that will dislike you will dislike you. You might as well not care about them (although you can't suddenly change the way you feel).

I didn't mean that autistics ARE annoying, but was agreeing they tend to be viewed by others as "weird" and tossed into the "annoying" camp (per the Valley Girl definition). God bless the autistic who mainstreamers do not find weird at all, but I'm pretty sure this autistic doesn't exist.

It is heartbreaking to realize you are always going to be found weird at the most inopportune times, by the people you want to impress most, but it helps to realize their narrow-minded definition of normal is the real problem. They just don't understand you and sadly they don't want to try.