People dislike me
Hi I am an NT with some Aspie traits and I am trying to learn more about what people are going through. Here is my opinion. I once had a coworker who was an Aspie. I didn't like him because of the same reasons. I would try to chit chat with him and ask how was your weekend. He would say good. He would also say all the negative stuff he thought about my work at meetings. I would say that the way to be more approachable is to stay positive. If you don't understand nonverbal cues and are on a date say so. Just say I struggle with reading people. I wouldn't announce to a stranger that you,re an Aspie unless you really close with them. By the way most nt,s don't even know what an Aspie is or what autism is. I didn't until my son was dx,d and then it became clear that my coworker was an Aspie.
The bottom line is don't give up. Telling people that you struggle reading them can come off as being friendly and genuine. Yet you are not showing your full deck of cards. There is a fine line between saying you are struggling with something as opposed to here is my full medical history and take advantage of me as much as you want.
sorry - just a brief off-topic response
AFAIK humans are the first species with a good shot of self-extincting.
I find this to be a very interesting concept. An annoying person who is genuinely unaware that they are annoying.I suppose such a person lacks the ability or self-awareness (a term I've learned from my counselor) to think to themselves "I am bothering this person by doing X" or "I am being unbearably creepy" or "maybe I should stop doing X since it is a disturbing thing to do." I guess the only hope is to inform the person that they are annoying and let them choose to alter their behavior. I think most people assume that someone is obnoxious just doesn't care.
I have a neighbor who when he first moved in would play his guitar so loudly. I'd leave my apartment and walk down the street, I could still hear his playing. What would compel a human to do such a thing? I find a hard time believing an adult human wouldn't realize blasting loud music is inconsiderate. One day I overheard someone knock on the neighbors' door. Apparently it was the tenant who lived below him. The guy asked the neighbor if he could lower the volume because he wanted to be able to hear the TV in his place. The neighbor retorted that it was the apartment walls and not his fault He continued to play loudly for a while, but eventually lowered the volume so that only I and the person below had to suffer--not the whole block.
Now this is an example of an annoying Motherf***er who just doesn't care about respecting others. He is annoying and basically thinks "so what are you gonna do about it?" He was told in a nice way that he is annoying those around him. Now I've cussed this guy out good and thoroughly. I don't want to have to be like that but the guy is a real creep and some people just need to be put in their place.
I will keep in mind that some people, such as the OP and others on this thread, are accidentally being annoying. That of course doesn't mean someone can't still dislike you. It just means they won't hate your guts.
Some of this problem can be diminished by reading their reactions. When you act or talk towards them and they look less happy, try stopping your works or actions and either listening to them or doing something very different from what you were doing before.
EmeraldGreen
Toucan
Joined: 31 May 2013
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 250
Location: On a flight of fancy
ResilientBrilliance provides a solid example of annoying human behavior.
To say autistics are annoying in general is certainly not fair or at all true.
I like how people on WP have often described this problem as an autistic propensity for "making others feel uncomfortable" It's also called being socially awkward on a planet with very strict rules for what's socially acceptable.
At least they are no longer burning us at the stake for our difference - at least not literally.
_________________
*Have Aspergers but undiagnosed
"Seems I'm not alone at being alone"
-The Police
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbXWrmQW-OE
My experience has been pretty much the same as the OP's. The best way to deal with it is not to care (worry) about it any more. Whether you care or not, those that will dislike you will dislike you. You might as well not care about them (although you can't suddenly change the way you feel).
Thank you all for your help.
Yeah, I fail to understand why people judge each other and talk behind each others back. all confusing behaviour to me, but it helps me understand I shouldn't be taking it personally. I need to stop caring about them.
I guess as I got older I started to gradually acquire better social skills and I guess I have made myself less annoying. I sometimes try a little bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor to let people know that I realize that I can come off as a bit odd and I am comfortable with that. I am comfortable with other people thinking that and I have a sense of humor about it.
_________________
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
- Albert Einstein
It's so damn awesome not having to work at getting people to dislike you.
Sure, you have to work at getting people to like you, but man, just being who you are and people hating. It's beautiful. It's also glorious.
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