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Bkdad82
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10 Aug 2014, 10:08 am

Hi I am an NT with some Aspie traits and I am trying to learn more about what people are going through. Here is my opinion. I once had a coworker who was an Aspie. I didn't like him because of the same reasons. I would try to chit chat with him and ask how was your weekend. He would say good. He would also say all the negative stuff he thought about my work at meetings. I would say that the way to be more approachable is to stay positive. If you don't understand nonverbal cues and are on a date say so. Just say I struggle with reading people. I wouldn't announce to a stranger that you,re an Aspie unless you really close with them. By the way most nt,s don't even know what an Aspie is or what autism is. I didn't until my son was dx,d and then it became clear that my coworker was an Aspie.
The bottom line is don't give up. Telling people that you struggle reading them can come off as being friendly and genuine. Yet you are not showing your full deck of cards. There is a fine line between saying you are struggling with something as opposed to here is my full medical history and take advantage of me as much as you want.



Hi_Im_B0B
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10 Aug 2014, 12:00 pm

sorry - just a brief off-topic response

bumble wrote:
Species have been known to breed itself into extinction by selecting the wrong traits and focusing on the wrong attributes (giant irish deer i think is one example of that...you will need to check the species name but they were so fussy about choosing large antlers that over a period of time they became so big the deer could not function normally anymore and impaired their own survival as a result). We assume that natural selection is always right and that it always chooses the superior model...this is most likely not so...
it is only speculation that Irish Elk went extinct because the species naturally selected antlers that were either too big to move through the forest or too heavy to hold heads upright. this view disregards other possible factors such as hunting (as with the other megafauna of the time) or climate-related habitat change. it seems to me more logical that IF antlers were starting to get so large they were becoming hindrances to the mating process (or even life processes in general) that selection would start to go the other way, or at least level off, as those males with less than the hugest antlers would then have a better chance of reproducing.

AFAIK humans are the first species with a good shot of self-extincting.



ResilientBrilliance
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10 Aug 2014, 12:10 pm

I find this to be a very interesting concept. An annoying person who is genuinely unaware that they are annoying.I suppose such a person lacks the ability or self-awareness (a term I've learned from my counselor) to think to themselves "I am bothering this person by doing X" or "I am being unbearably creepy" or "maybe I should stop doing X since it is a disturbing thing to do." I guess the only hope is to inform the person that they are annoying and let them choose to alter their behavior. I think most people assume that someone is obnoxious just doesn't care.



League_Girl
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10 Aug 2014, 12:28 pm

Life would be so much easier if everyone told everyone they are annoying them. I always think I am annoying someone.


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ResilientBrilliance
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10 Aug 2014, 5:02 pm

I have a neighbor who when he first moved in would play his guitar so loudly. I'd leave my apartment and walk down the street, I could still hear his playing. What would compel a human to do such a thing? I find a hard time believing an adult human wouldn't realize blasting loud music is inconsiderate. One day I overheard someone knock on the neighbors' door. Apparently it was the tenant who lived below him. The guy asked the neighbor if he could lower the volume because he wanted to be able to hear the TV in his place. The neighbor retorted that it was the apartment walls and not his fault :o He continued to play loudly for a while, but eventually lowered the volume so that only I and the person below had to suffer--not the whole block.
Now this is an example of an annoying Motherf***er who just doesn't care about respecting others. He is annoying and basically thinks "so what are you gonna do about it?" He was told in a nice way that he is annoying those around him. Now I've cussed this guy out good and thoroughly. I don't want to have to be like that but the guy is a real creep and some people just need to be put in their place.
I will keep in mind that some people, such as the OP and others on this thread, are accidentally being annoying. That of course doesn't mean someone can't still dislike you. It just means they won't hate your guts.



TommyTomorrow
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10 Aug 2014, 5:41 pm

carroline wrote:
I misunderstand friends, which leads to me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't "back off" when a friend is tired of me. I am just awful according to people, although I try my best to understand them.


Some of this problem can be diminished by reading their reactions. When you act or talk towards them and they look less happy, try stopping your works or actions and either listening to them or doing something very different from what you were doing before.



EmeraldGreen
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10 Aug 2014, 6:43 pm

ResilientBrilliance provides a solid example of annoying human behavior.

To say autistics are annoying in general is certainly not fair or at all true.

I like how people on WP have often described this problem as an autistic propensity for "making others feel uncomfortable" It's also called being socially awkward on a planet with very strict rules for what's socially acceptable.

At least they are no longer burning us at the stake for our difference - at least not literally.


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carroline
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11 Aug 2014, 10:09 am

jk1 wrote:
Whether you are liked or disliked by many people is not an indication of what kind of person you are inside. People judge other people by superficial things. If you look somehow different, then people will come up with all sorts of imaginations. And many people are stupid enough and very willing to believe untrue malicious rumors etc. A group of people (such as those at work, school etc) can thus create a monster out of an innocent individual. But not all people are judgmental like that.

My experience has been pretty much the same as the OP's. The best way to deal with it is not to care (worry) about it any more. Whether you care or not, those that will dislike you will dislike you. You might as well not care about them (although you can't suddenly change the way you feel).


Thank you all for your help.

Yeah, I fail to understand why people judge each other and talk behind each others back. all confusing behaviour to me, but it helps me understand I shouldn't be taking it personally. I need to stop caring about them.



kraftiekortie
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11 Aug 2014, 10:23 am

Third-world people don't think like that...at all.



MacGyverAspie
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11 Aug 2014, 10:31 am

This is getting way off topic very quickly...



r2d2
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11 Aug 2014, 10:38 am

I guess as I got older I started to gradually acquire better social skills and I guess I have made myself less annoying. I sometimes try a little bit of a self-deprecating sense of humor to let people know that I realize that I can come off as a bit odd and I am comfortable with that. I am comfortable with other people thinking that and I have a sense of humor about it.


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Dillogic
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11 Aug 2014, 10:40 am

1401b wrote:
If you are on the Autism Spectrum then of course people dislike you, we're the most annoying people on the planet. =(


It's so damn awesome not having to work at getting people to dislike you.

Sure, you have to work at getting people to like you, but man, just being who you are and people hating. It's beautiful. It's also glorious.