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vickygleitz
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12 Aug 2014, 12:20 am

There is no excuse for that type of behavior.



auntblabby
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12 Aug 2014, 12:21 am

damned straight.



CockneyRebel
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12 Aug 2014, 12:45 am

I was practicing my drumming on the counter of the A&W in the food fair of my local mall one time. A middle class, middle aged female gave me the stink eye. I asked her, "What's your problem? Aren't I allowed to be myself around you?"


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tarantella64
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12 Aug 2014, 12:55 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I was practicing my drumming on the counter of the A&W in the food fair of my local mall one time. A middle class, middle aged female gave me the stink eye. I asked her, "What's your problem? Aren't I allowed to be myself around you?"


In public? There are other people in public. Your drumming on the counter (which is there for food service, not drumming) is distracting and loud. It's not a place for you (or anyone else) to self-actualize. People don't necessarily want to hear it. Do it at home, or in a bar or club where people actually want drumming.



CockneyRebel
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12 Aug 2014, 12:59 am

tarantella64 wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I was practicing my drumming on the counter of the A&W in the food fair of my local mall one time. A middle class, middle aged female gave me the stink eye. I asked her, "What's your problem? Aren't I allowed to be myself around you?"


In public? There are other people in public. Your drumming on the counter (which is there for food service, not drumming) is distracting and loud. It's not a place for you (or anyone else) to self-actualize. People don't necessarily want to hear it. Do it at home, or in a bar or club where people actually want drumming.


Yes mum. :wink:


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BelleAmi
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12 Aug 2014, 1:04 am

auntblabby wrote:
I have always had problems with middle class people in general who always seem to look down their noses at me.


The middle classes in England especially have spent their lives developing just the right kind of nose to do this with - the amount of spats I have had throughout my life with people of this sort are without number!


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tarantella64
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12 Aug 2014, 1:04 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I was practicing my drumming on the counter of the A&W in the food fair of my local mall one time. A middle class, middle aged female gave me the stink eye. I asked her, "What's your problem? Aren't I allowed to be myself around you?"


In public? There are other people in public. Your drumming on the counter (which is there for food service, not drumming) is distracting and loud. It's not a place for you (or anyone else) to self-actualize. People don't necessarily want to hear it. Do it at home, or in a bar or club where people actually want drumming.


Yes mum. :wink:


:lol: It works!



opal
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12 Aug 2014, 1:47 am

As a middle class aspie woman in my 40s, I've had my share of issues with middle class, middle age women.

I'm not sure why it is, but there seems to be a bit of classism going, and some sort of sisterhood thing going. I've had people treat me like an idiot because they assume I'm uneducated (and say as much) and later say " O I didn't realise you'd been to uni" :roll: (and then proceed to treat me like an idiot.) I've been treated as agressive or subordinant because I've pointed out that procedures were not being followed, practices were unsafe, or timeframes were not realistic. I've saved the day quite a few times, but sometimes pulling a rabbit out of your bum just becomes a big pain in the ass. :wink:

There's also the sisterhood /village mentality thing going, where it's " I grew up here,raised my kids here, I've worked here thirty years, I've been to XYZ UNI and I'm more important than you and how dare you suggest I can't use the same procedures and attitudes I used 50 years ago"

Mind you I've also met guys with this attitude but it's a lot more prevalent with women.

Another factor is possibly menopause. I mean that seriously.



opal
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12 Aug 2014, 2:05 am

Just to add, I'm not sure disclosing is a great idea. It's a bit like sticking a sign to your back saying "I am honest, hardworking and stringent about following safety. I am also naive, gullible and easily manipulated. I have problems responding to bullying & harrassment, particularly verbally.Please don't take advantage of me" I disclosed to The HR manager in my previous job (middle aged female) She said that she didn't know much about Aspergers but that she knew it was characterised by black and white thinking. I ressponded that I had several shades of grey. She put on a veneer of helpfulness but said several things that made it clear any case of harrassment or "personality clash" involving me at any time, would be put down to my AS.



CockneyRebel
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12 Aug 2014, 3:32 pm

As for the drumming, I was doing it quietly and discretely and that woman still gave me a dirty look.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2014, 3:36 pm

I wouldn't give a rat's tushey if you drummed--provided it didn't hurt my ears.

I think that woman had a bone to pick with the first person she encountered.



Eureka13
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12 Aug 2014, 3:46 pm

I'm a somewhat-past-middle-aged, middle-class female. Strangely, virtually all of my workplace conflicts have been with middle-aged, middle-class females.

I don't disagree with what tarantella is saying about the perspective of many MA/MC females (being one myself), but I do think there's also a "queen bee" thing going on in some (not all) cases. Most of my conflicts have been with those in middle management/administrative type positions (whereas I am in a "professional" position), in other words, they are slightly lower on the totem pole than me, and they've got their ways and their set routines that are tried and true. They "rule" the professional men in the org and get pissy when I don't play the same suck-up game that the men do. I see it as a variation on the "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" meme.



SilverProteus
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12 Aug 2014, 3:59 pm

opal wrote:
Another factor is possibly menopause. I mean that seriously.


Makes sense. :wink:



dianthus
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13 Aug 2014, 12:14 pm

There's still a middle class?

tarantella64 wrote:
Which is why you're likely to get a rather brusque "if you cannot do the job, then this isn't the job for you", rather than help.


Really ironic example you gave there because I know of a situation where the tables were turned. A very young, Aspie-like manager made that exact comment to a middle-aged female employee, who was and is more than capable of doing the job.



tarantella64
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13 Aug 2014, 3:59 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
I'm a somewhat-past-middle-aged, middle-class female. Strangely, virtually all of my workplace conflicts have been with middle-aged, middle-class females.

I don't disagree with what tarantella is saying about the perspective of many MA/MC females (being one myself), but I do think there's also a "queen bee" thing going on in some (not all) cases. Most of my conflicts have been with those in middle management/administrative type positions (whereas I am in a "professional" position), in other words, they are slightly lower on the totem pole than me, and they've got their ways and their set routines that are tried and true. They "rule" the professional men in the org and get pissy when I don't play the same suck-up game that the men do. I see it as a variation on the "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" meme.


It's not fun when they do that, but I get why they do. The professionals tend to think that because they're smart, they're smart about everything and they know how things should work and why they should be able to just ram things through, jump procedures, off-road, etc. And they figure the admin ladies are morons (which is why they're admin ladies and not professionals like themselves) who are just in the way. Until the admin ladies scare the crap out of them and make them settle down.

What they don't see (until the admin ladies scare sense into them) is the administrative/rules ecosystem those ladies live in, and how working within that ecosystem is what lets them keep the whole operation running smoothly. It's a big system of favors and understanding everyone's rules so they don't go crashing into each other, or turn up begging for favors that are a pain or hard to do. And generally those ladies are pretty sharp about keeping those rules straight.

I've learned to value those ladies highly, because I suck completely at administration, and if things were left up to me they'd be a...well, a nothing, there'd be a shambles and me wandering on to another project. I just do whatever they tell me to do and am totally happy to be the moron and let them spell things out.