Gossip

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I think there's a difference between sharing something with a friend about your dealings with someone else because something is bothering you, which is very similar to telling a therapist about someone in your life, and true gossip which is essentially simply talking about other people just for mean-spririted kicks, that may spread untruths and speculation that may border on slander.

Example of true gossip for mean-spirited kicks:
Neighbor 1: "So did you see that woman in number 409 the other day?"
Neighbor 2: "No, what about her?"
"She was chatting to a different man outside her house and then they walked in together!"
"You mean a different one from the guy we saw her with the other week?"
"Yes!"
"Do you think she is cheating on a boyfriend -- or do you think it's worse than that?"
"What do you mean worse?"
"Maybe she's a HOOKER!! !!"
"Oh my god, you never know! I mean, she does dress kinda slu*ty -- did you see those shoes she had on yesterday? Nobody who wears shoes like that is a respectable person...."

Example of talking about other people, which I wouldn't call gossip:
Wife gets home from work: "Crap, I just really am getting closer to wanting to quit."
Husband: "What happened?"
Wife: "It's the situation with my manager, Jane. She is really starting to make unfair demands of me and it's getting personal. I think she is treating me unfairly and it's getting to where I could make a legal complaint."
Husband: "I've said it before, you should take this to Jane's own upper-manager Mike."
Wife: "I would, except lately I'm not so sure he would be sympathetic to my complaints about Jane. "
Husband: "Why not?"
Wife, with embarrassment and difficulty: "......because I saw them kissing in the corridor yesterday. I was only going out to the bathroom and there they were. They didn't see me but I was a bit shocked. And now I realize if they've got something going between them, I now have nobody to whom I could take a legitimate complaint about Jane's treatment of me and her demands on me..."
Husband: "Oh...crap. I see what you mean. Well that kind of makes things difficult -- is there anyone higher still you can go to?"

See, in the first example, the gossip is for no purpose, it's not fact-finding or fact-disclosing for anyone's benefit or for better understanding of a situation. It's just plain nosiness for prurient, self-satisfying entertainment. It's talking about something that's nobody's business and it's also twisting a situation into a complete untruth, fabrication, sensationalist slander, etc.

In the second example, Person 1 is in anguish about a situation and they are sharing it with Person 2, but in order to look closer at the problem, Person 1 had to share a situation she witnessed. She isn't talking about it for entertainment, she's imparting difficult information to offload, vent, share the fact that her own problem has worsened because of what she saw. She and her husband are not gleeful they are just realizing there is a new wrinkle to the problem at work.

So I think the difference is entertainment and lack of true need.

If the talking about the other people has no purpose other than entertaining you, you're gossipping.

If the talking about the other people is because you have to vent something, give information to help someone advise you, etc, it's not gossip.

It seems like a fine line but often it really isn't.

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I'm having difficulty understanding the last couple of responses following my response.

Someone copy-pasted one of my sentences and then said it's still uncomfortable "talking about people."

I get that you don't like "talking about people" at all, in that case, is that what you're saying?

But I was trying to point out that not everyone who "talks about people" is doing it for bad reasons, or that it is always truly "gossip."

I was trying to say that there IS a difference between describing things that are happening with a third party, and just chit-chatting about mean spirited things just for the entertainment.

Also, discussing a difficulty with a third party doesn't preclude or exclude that you may later "say it to the face" of the person you have had to discuss.

You may come to a solution with the third party, then be better able to "say it to their face" to the person you need to talk to instead of about.

I'd also like to add that I'm saying this even as a person who, myself loathes gossip.

I myself have been and am still being right now a victim of mean, pointless and slanderous gossip RIGHT NOW.

But I can see the DIFFERENCE between that kind of gossip and ANOTHER kind of talking where someone has to discuss something with someone else. One is for mean entertainment value and has no decent purpose. The other is coming from necessity for help or advice and does not have an enjoyment factor.

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