World = scary + confusing.

Post Reply New Topic

I find the world so confusing and scary that it has driven me to feeling suicidal and not being able to leave the house unless I have to.

The outside world is sensory hell.

People are so confusing, especially my mum, that I am glad to live alone.

My support worker is really good and my mental health team are great too.

But no one can make the world accessible for me.

I can't leave the house without dark glasses and earplugs. Last time I went out I had a screaming fit in public.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Any advice (although I've had advice from many people here, which has been much appreciated).

i know a family where the mother has agoraphobia. The father does everything.

Having someone else do the things you dont want to do is one of those things that relationships help with.

Btw, when you get those odd days, like say some big sporting event is playing and all the streets are empty because everyone is at home, do you find it easier to go out? Or like in mid summer when it gets light really early and you go out at 5 and the streets are deserted, do you find going out to be less hassle?

Is it being outside or is it people that you have the problem with?

I don't think I'm classic agoraphobic, I just get sensory overload very easily. I don't like being with more than one person at a time. Crowds make me have meltdowns. I have gone out for walks at 5am and it is much easier.

I also got bullied when I was younger, and youths still make fun of / harass me on the street (it is obvious to most that I am disabled, I can't even walk straight and I wear sunglasses even in the winter). So I get scared of going out when kids are about.

If I could, I would live I a really secluded area where my company comes from wildlife.

Anyone else like this?

I'm not like that quite to that extreme, but I can sympathize.

My main sensory issues are all related to sound. I've got *extremely* sensitive hearing and can hear lots of things that most people cannot. The downside of course is that really loud sounds get to me quickly (though really quiet places do as well). There are situations where I'm willing to put up with it (anime conventions, typically), but as a rule I just hate it.

And I tend to dislike being out during the day. Too many people around, being noisy and getting in the way and generally just irritating me. Particularly if I have to go to a store. Cannot stand waiting in lines while watching inevitably-confused people have brainfarts while trying to comprehend self-checkout machines. And driving is the worst of all. Cant stand dealing with other drivers (who often drive like absolute morons), and cant stand having the sun in my face, yet I dont want sunglasses.

My problem is solved in a very simple way: I'm on a totally nocturnal schedule. The dark, empty, open areas around here are pleasant (mostly grass, farmland, and trees around here). There's not much in the way of noise except that of my car and any music I might have playing, or various animal/insect noises and such. And I have a huge section of the house to myself by being up during the night as well.

Such a schedule is not for everyone, but I often do think it's worth a try.

Where other people as children fantasised about what they wanted to do when they grew up, my fantasy was to live on a desert island. Or like an abbey as a monk or something.

I do know what you mean. I have never had fun made of the way i walk but i definitely dont walk in straight lines and i stress out about people being around. I cross over the road multiple times just to avoid passing someone on the same pavement. I go out wearing lots of clothes, even in the summer, because i prefer to be covered up at all times because i dont like to be looked at. i wont catch the bus for that bit where you pay for your ticket and have to walk to your seat with people watching you. I often leave it until it goes dark before i want to go anywhere.

I think i get by through being amazingly self centred. Its a trauma to go out sometimes, sure, but im that into the moment that from the instant im back in comfortable surroundings i just let the moment take over and i almost instantly forget about the stress of being outside.

It's just something to be endured, going out. At least you often know exactly what you're going to be doing, how long it'll take, and can look forward to the moment that you get back. Concentrate on that and it makes things a little easier.

oh, music helps me a lot. Absence of sound through earplugs is not as good as replacing sound. Having something familiar to focus on makes things a lot easier. I think our minds work better when rather than trying to block something out we concentrate on something else instead.

I tried nocturnal but it wasn't practical for uni and appointments, and it made my migraines extreme.

I get free travel on any mode of transport in London as I'm disabled, but I only get buses if they're not busy, and I avoid the Underground because it makes me freak out. I use overground trains to get to places where possible, because they're less busy. And I don't travel during rush hour or school run.

I get a free taxi service to go to uni and back, which is really great. I had a catastrophic meltdown last time I tried to use Euston station, and nearly got arrested.

I do sometimes listen to music when out. I have noise cancelling headphones so I'll use them more.

I like wearing lots of clothes too, not only because of the weighted feeling, but also because I hate showing skin. My mum used to try to make me dress like a sl*t as part of her abuse towards me, but now I don't live with her thankfully.

Sunglasses are great.

I have extremely sensitive hearing too.

I tried to go to a high street today with my support worker, but I backed out last minute and stayed home. He's going to help me at home instead.

I get jealous of those who hold down a 9 to 5 job and do loads of other things too. I struggle with part time uni.

I've been told I am medically unfit to drive but I don't care as I can't afford a car and I have no interest in driving. Parking fees are extortionate in London.

Ahh...
Sensory issues... I'm very much fine with it especially if I focus enough. Unless something frustrates earlier on/surprisingly distracts me, which loses my control.

Hm, I'm less of being scared, more of constantly being confused. And confusion turning into curiosity.

And curiosity turned to odd stares...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Sorry for not posting for a while. I had to come off Desogestrel because it made me manic and have worse challenging behaviour. I have enough bruises on me that I have to cover up or avoid going out.

Kingdom Of Rats, that is an interesting idea, I'll ask my support workers about it.

I'm going to post another post now about uni.

Yes, I find the world both scary and confusing. I see a place full of loud annoying people with no imagination, who can't get out of each others' way, and will judge me and reject me if I give them half a chance. The idea that I should try to adapt further than I already have and be a functional part of that world is not only frightening, but offensive. So I associate only as much as I have to and then rush back home, where the world is lonely but at least makes sense.

I dress conservatively in clothes with sensible colors and few logos. I wear a 10-year-old pair of hiking boots except on the hottest days, when I go with sandals. I have a full beard, not long but substantial, because I like the way it covers my face. I also wear a hat almost everywhere I go, for the same reason. These things are psychological defenses. Another one is my speed. I drive very efficiently to familiar places to get things done, often in the morning or at night, taking care of several errands in a single trip.

I do very little socially except for visiting my family once or twice a week. Anything more is overwhelming. Like most of you, I'm sensitive to loud unexpected noises and sudden movements. And I despise loud music unless I'm the one playing it.

^ Yeah, lonely but safe. It's mostly people that are scary and confusing. I guess the world = people in this context. Although I (and most people) depend on other people for survival (I need food, clothes, air conditioner and all other stuff), that doesn't make me comfortable being around them. Many of them are literally scary and confusing (they show hostility for no good reason). It's so frustrating that I have so much to offer to the world but I can't because of that.

I'm afraid I can't think of any solution/advice to the problem that OP is seeking. I can only relate to her although the nature of my problem seems slightly different from hers. I do have sensory problems but mine is not as severe as the OP's.