Do the majority of guys with A.S. never get a girlfriend?

Page 16 of 18 [ 282 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18  Next

sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

26 Apr 2015, 6:47 pm

Diningroom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Bondkatten wrote:
sly279 wrote:
if it don't happen pre 35k I don't want it anymore. the type of relationship I won't doesn't happen after 30s. really no point in postponing the inevitable past 35 really even 30.


haha you make it sound like you are basically dead after you hit 30. That is not true; I assure you that there is life and love after 30 :)


well that is the plan. i think there is life for others. but not for my type of life and type of human I am.
if all one cares about is hobbies and items then yeah you can have tons of life after 30. if you want a family and love and companionship and haven't' had it then you're screwed. I am not and won't be the middle class job guy that women over 30 go for. its just reality. working as cashier and getting 20 year olds to date you is rough. trying to get 30 year olds who are in the start a family need middle class income to date you is impossible. then add in debt, no prior gfs or sex experience, ugly, fat, and later you find out he has aspergers. oh and then there's the interest in guns, mlp, videogames. so hes childish etc. while they want that grown up confident guy who makes good money. he has a nice car and his own place.

so its like a toaster who dreams of making toast but can't anymore. do you keep it around or throw it out?
you throw it out and get a toaster that can make toast. so why should i keep living when I have no future besides another 50 years of shitty life. although social security runs dry in 2016 so I may end up dead sooner.


Please please please tell someone you're feeling depressed / suicidal and get help. Help exists and if you you weren't depressed, there's an excellent chance you could find something to make your life meaningful and worth living.


have just about everything I want except a gf and friends. some people like me just don't' find happiness in objects and hobbies. probably 1/4 to half the world is like this. just most of people like me weren't born wrong so they find a gf and friends and never have to deal with the s**t I do. they have a gf so they aren't told to be happy without having one.

really wish people could understand this. its not wrong being different than you. besides 30 is 3 years away. by then there wont' be anyone left to care about me going missing.



vercingetorix451
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 127

26 Apr 2015, 9:16 pm

My first relationship was nearly 4 years, then the one after for nearly a year (we're still really good friends). Had a few almost-relationships since then and I hooked up with a friend of mine a few times but that's all the relationship stuff I've ever had.



Diningroom
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2015
Posts: 98

27 Apr 2015, 8:27 pm

sly279 wrote:
Diningroom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Bondkatten wrote:
sly279 wrote:
if it don't happen pre 35k I don't want it anymore. the type of relationship I won't doesn't happen after 30s. really no point in postponing the inevitable past 35 really even 30.


haha you make it sound like you are basically dead after you hit 30. That is not true; I assure you that there is life and love after 30 :)




well that is the plan. i think there is life for others. but not for my type of life and type of human I am.
if all one cares about is hobbies and items then yeah you can have tons of life after 30. if you want a family and love and companionship and haven't' had it then you're screwed. I am not and won't be the middle class job guy that women over 30 go for. its just reality. working as cashier and getting 20 year olds to date you is rough. trying to get 30 year olds who are in the start a family need middle class income to date you is impossible. then add in debt, no prior gfs or sex experience, ugly, fat, and later you find out he has aspergers. oh and then there's the interest in guns, mlp, videogames. so hes childish etc. while they want that grown up confident guy who makes good money. he has a nice car and his own place.

so its like a toaster who dreams of making toast but can't anymore. do you keep it around or throw it out?
you throw it out and get a toaster that can make toast. so why should i keep living when I have no future besides another 50 years of shitty life. although social security runs dry in 2016 so I may end up dead sooner.


Please please please tell someone you're feeling depressed / suicidal and get help. Help exists and if you you weren't depressed, there's an excellent chance you could find something to make your life meaningful and worth living.


have just about everything I want except a gf and friends. some people like me just don't' find happiness in objects and hobbies. probably 1/4 to half the world is like this. just most of people like me weren't born wrong so they find a gf and friends and never have to deal with the s**t I do. they have a gf so they aren't told to be happy without having one.

really wish people could understand this. its not wrong being different than you. besides 30 is 3 years away. by then there wont' be anyone left to care about me going missing.


No friends AND no girlfriends points to a lack of social skills, writ large. You're not having problems meeting girls... you simply dislike or have zero use for other humans.

Your options are limited to (1) do something about the people skills or (2) stop complaining about having no humans to interact with, in any non-work-related capacity.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

27 Apr 2015, 10:43 pm

Diningroom wrote:
No friends AND no girlfriends points to a lack of social skills, writ large. You're not having problems meeting girls... you simply dislike or have zero use for other humans.

Your options are limited to (1) do something about the people skills or (2) stop complaining about having no humans to interact with, in any non-work-related capacity.


nope I like other humans. they don't have time to hang out though or moved away.

you are super judgy. you don't know anything about others but like to assume you're all knowing. I'm happiest around others. I need and crave to be with others. simple fact is all my friends joined the military and I was barred from doing so.

other two live far away.. and the last remaining simi friend is too busy with is family and work. making friends post college is super super hard. I've met some people to play games with every night but they also all live far away.

I make people happy and laugh when around them. but no one has time to hang out. only found a few people in college with similar interests that weren't assholes anyways.

bet you have tons of friends with your assuming judgmental attitude :roll:



314pe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Sep 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,013

27 Apr 2015, 11:25 pm

Diningroom wrote:
No friends AND no girlfriends points to a lack of social skills, writ large. You're not having problems meeting girls... you simply dislike or have zero use for other humans.

Is that why you have friends? So that you can use them?

You must be a really sad person if you feel the need to attack lonely aspies.



Booyakasha
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,898

28 Apr 2015, 1:01 am

yes, she is finished here. Bye bye kayteekay, I hope you won't open your fifth account here.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,618
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

28 Apr 2015, 1:09 am

Like what I promised to you, K.



Ban-Dodger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jun 2011
Age: 1022
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,820
Location: Возможно в будущее к Россию идти... можеть быть...

28 Apr 2015, 2:50 am

Hey, I just came across a good explanation of why you people who are products of the American "education" system have trouble talking with females, and in fact, even talking to anybody at all. Listen to this...


_________________
Pay me for my signature. 私の署名ですか❓お前の買うなければなりません。Mon autographe nécessite un paiement. Которые хочет мою автографу, у тебя нужно есть деньги сюда. Bezahlst du mich, wenn du meine Unterschrift wollen.


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,618
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

28 Apr 2015, 6:19 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
Hey, I just came across a good explanation of why you people who are products of the American "education" system have trouble talking with females, and in fact, even talking to anybody at all. Listen to this...



What you read after school/college is what enriches you culturally, no matter how good the education system was.
And the school rules described in video is not just an american thing.



ProfessorJohn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 731
Location: Oklahoma

28 Apr 2015, 9:58 am

I joined in this discussion late, but I can tell you it can happen. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I am just a psychological mess in general. Besides Asperger's, I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, have abandonment and attachment issues due to circumstances surrounding my adoption, more attachment issues due to abuse I suffered as a child-in others words, lot's wrong with me.

I never had a real girlfriend until I was 29. A couple of short term sexual flings before that with girls I didn't really find attractive, so I didn't try to make those relationships work at all. Not even sure how I got in them, to be honest. By the time I was 21 or so I was too scared to ask any females out because I knew they would reject me. I wanted a relationship in the worst way but all I could do was drink, smoke pot, and go to class occasionally. The girls I was in graduate school with wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Even attempted suicide once over it.

Around age 28 or so things started to change, not sure why. I did get sober off of drugs and alcohol and get in better physical shape when I was 26, but it still took 2 years after that to see any benefits. I don't know if some maturation process kicked in or what, but at 29 I had a serious relationship for 18 months, a brief messed up one after that (the woman had health issues and died a couple of years after it ended), and finally met my wife when I was 31.

Been married for 15 years now and I still can't believe at times that someone like my wife actually likes me. I had concluded years before that I was unlovable. I had concluded that I must be the most unattractive person on the planet because all women seemed to treat me that way. A few who were taken would act nice to me because I was friends with they boyfriend, but it seemed like everything was against me. Suddenly that all changed, to this day I really don't know why. This was before the internet and computer dating also. My point is, one is never hopeless. Work on what you can-like social skills physical appearance, etc and never give up hope.



WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,633
Location: California, United States

28 Apr 2015, 12:14 pm

As a guy I hate being judged, valued on my job, occupation, career, finances, stability, income, so damn much



Lightbulb
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2015
Posts: 13
Location: San jose

28 Apr 2015, 5:56 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
As a guy I hate being judged, valued on my job, occupation, career, finances, stability, income, so damn much


What criteria do you use to evaluate potential girlfriends? You have ruled so many sensible criteria out.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

29 Apr 2015, 3:43 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
As a guy I hate being judged, valued on my job, occupation, career, finances, stability, income, so damn much


here here. but not like thats going change. if you have all those you're a real man if you work min wage your worthless.



Richard Cole
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2015
Posts: 52
Location: 127.0.0.1

29 Apr 2015, 6:58 am

I was fortunate enough to have one good, healthy long-term relationship for eight years. We broke up prior to my diagnosis, and remain good friends. We've both moved to different parts of the country, and when I told her of my diagnosis, she pretty much had the same experience that I did: everything fell into place. All the things she didn't understand that contributed to our break up, e.g. the things I did and/or said, and more so the things I didn't do and/or say, suddenly made sense.

Every other relationship, including the one I'm in now, however, has been a soul-sucking cycle of abusive, manipulative women from whom I struggle to walk away, not because I am afraid to be alone, but because of the way I experience empathy.

Men with AS have a lot to offer... to the right woman. There is a woman I know now who pegged me as being on the spectrum before I even considered it, speaks to me with understanding without treating me like I'm "special needs" or like she deserves a medal for being my friend, and is totally comfortable with the fact that I lack conversational skills. If things were different, I might consider trying to date her.... with the following caveat:

I read in a book (Asperger's in Love by Maxine Aston) that men with AS base their attraction to someone based on the other person's attraction to him. I don't know if there is any real validity to this as I only understand the dynamics of human pair binding from a clinical standpoint and even then it really doesn't make much sense to me. Since then, I don't trust my ability to choose a mate and don't really see myself dating once I finally get out of my current relationship. I am truly happiest when I am alone, I think one of the reasons my eight year relationship lasted to long and strong was the fact that we never lived together. We had our space, and from that relationship relative to all others, I have found that I like having someone special (one person) with whom to share my life. I like the idea of a long-term committed relationship based on mutual trust, attraction, respect, and the notion of two people nurturing something that is greater than the sum of the parts. I even like the idea of being a father again some day. I just need my space. There is my time and our time. If someone can respect that, I give my "love future" better odds.



Lightbulb
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2015
Posts: 13
Location: San jose

29 Apr 2015, 1:13 pm

sly279 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
As a guy I hate being judged, valued on my job, occupation, career, finances, stability, income, so damn much


here here. but not like thats going change. if you have all those you're a real man if you work min wage your worthless.


Girls have no way of knowing if you are financially stable, employed or have a car when you first meet them, unless you tell them. Or put it in your dating profile.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,618
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Apr 2015, 1:53 pm

Lightbulb wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
As a guy I hate being judged, valued on my job, occupation, career, finances, stability, income, so damn much


What criteria do you use to evaluate potential girlfriends? You have ruled so many sensible criteria out.


So many sensible criteria? They are all basically the same criteria.

occupation = career = finances = stability = income.