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MatchingBlues
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08 Sep 2014, 2:27 am

Raleigh wrote:
An insight - because I am one of those people who stop talking (I am a despicable human being)
Often I really like the people I stop talking to. It's just that I can't keep it up (the talking)
I would rather they hate me and think I'm a snob than think I'm an unnatural person because I can't get interested in the things they're interested in so I have to lie and pretend in order to appear 'normal'.
They deserve better than that.


I suspect this is the reasoning behind multiple occasions when I and/or other people didn't keep in touch anymore. I can be an exhausting person to communicate with, and conversely, I get exhausted quickly when interacting with others and absorbing the things they have to tell me.

I think I'm just one of those people with whom the other person has nothing in particular to say. Either because I'm weird or just something you don't respond to much. I try not to think of it as a bad thing.



jk1
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08 Sep 2014, 2:55 am

It has been happening to me throughout my life and it still hurts. By now I'm so used to it that I pretty much expect it to happen eventually. Because I usually don't even have the chance to make friends as no one wants to be around me, I'm spared the agony of a "friend" stopping talking to me. It is usually my colleagues etc that stop talking to me. I notice that when someone's attitude to me changes, many other people do the same. So multiple people stop talking to me at the same time. One thing I have learned is that for some people, "being weird" is a good enough reason to give someone a silent treatment. And that escalates to a ridiculous level. So I know that in most cases it's not my fault. Although it somehow still hurts, I know logically I shouldn't worry about such people.



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08 Sep 2014, 7:43 am

This is something that mostly happens when I decline to participate in the social media fad. Otherwise, I assume we just ran out of things to talk about or they got too busy...

I think some people don't feel like they're close enough to start a new conversation if one is fading, so they let it go instead. To people who meet new people all the time, I doubt it seems like a big deal. For people who don't meet many new people, it's a much bigger loss.



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08 Sep 2014, 1:36 pm

Raleigh wrote:
Sharkattack, it's not your fault.
Perhaps all the people you know are secretly major f**k-ups like me who are socially inept and don't understand anything.


It's just nice to see I am not the only one.



olympiadis
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08 Sep 2014, 5:16 pm

The talking/not-talking card is one of the major forms of psychological and emotional manipulation that NTs use.

Most often it is used to validate one's own view of reality, - the identity of an NT.
When perceptions of reality differ significantly, like for us, then we do not validate the NT's identity, and therefore the not-talking thing happens at a much higher rate.

I've had so many NTs do this to me that I could not possibly keep up with them all, and that includes family.
As far as I can recollect I have never done this for that reason.
Whenever I do not talk it is simply for the reason that I didn't talk, and applies the same for everyone to include friends. It has nothing to do with their having a different view of reality.

From my own perspective I am very tolerant in this way.

Of course the NTs probably have a similar perspective of their own, where they think their decision is valid, having nothing to do with identity, and that I'm just rude to them and deserved to not be talked to.



B19
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08 Sep 2014, 5:43 pm

It's an infinite learning curve, Sharkie, and we won't stop talking to you :)



Raleigh
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08 Sep 2014, 9:11 pm

sharkattack wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Sharkattack, it's not your fault.
Perhaps all the people you know are secretly major f**k-ups like me who are socially inept and don't understand anything.


It's just nice to see I am not the only one.


Aww. If I was capable of maintaining a conversation over any length of time I would speak to you.


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Kiprobalhato
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08 Sep 2014, 11:29 pm

when others are the first to contact me through text message or in person, they just want a favor done. the talk about it and stop when they're satisfied. lots of times anyway. there's the occasional pleasant surprise.

i don't really care if the conversation ends if it has had depth/substance or if it was long. i've been guilty of suddenly ceasing contact with someone, with those people it was never really sweet with them to begin with. no point.


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09 Sep 2014, 6:12 am

Aspinator wrote:
I can empathize. My mother passed and my brother had POA over her very modest estate. We never were extremely close but we talked 4 or 5 times a year. Now he won't accept my calls or acknowledge I even exist. It still hurts no matter how old you get.


This is sympathy; not empathy. If what the OP mentioned never happened to you, yet you could relate to his emotion, that would be empathy. Relating to someones emotions because you have experienced a similar event is sympathy. I have like almost zero empathy unfortunately. Fortunately, I have had LOTS of shitty things happen so I can sympathize with a lot of things.



Andrejake
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09 Sep 2014, 6:34 am

It's so bad when it happens.
Worst of all is not knowing if i did something wrong, if i was being too annoying, if i said something inappropriate or if the person just doesn't have something to say to me at that time.



MehruneMath
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09 Sep 2014, 1:43 pm

The longest I can efficiently maintain a meaningful relationship with another person for is usually in the realm of one to two years. Albeit if I let them know me a bit better than make that one to two months, unfortunately.



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09 Sep 2014, 6:11 pm

B19 wrote:
It's an infinite learning curve, Sharkie, and we won't stop talking to you :)


It turns out the person is still talking to me but was under the impression I was the one not talking to them.

And your right it is an infinite learning curve. :)



sharkattack
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09 Sep 2014, 6:13 pm

Raleigh wrote:
sharkattack wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Sharkattack, it's not your fault.
Perhaps all the people you know are secretly major f**k-ups like me who are socially inept and don't understand anything.


It's just nice to see I am not the only one.


Aww. If I was capable of maintaining a conversation over any length of time I would speak to you.


I am all too familiar with that feeling also.



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12 Sep 2014, 1:13 am

MehruneMath wrote:
The longest I can efficiently maintain a meaningful relationship with another person for is usually in the realm of one to two years. Albeit if I let them know me a bit better than make that one to two months, unfortunately.


Is this your choice or theirs?



MehruneMath
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12 Sep 2014, 8:08 am

Spectacles wrote:
MehruneMath wrote:
The longest I can efficiently maintain a meaningful relationship with another person for is usually in the realm of one to two years. Albeit if I let them know me a bit better than make that one to two months, unfortunately.


Is this your choice or theirs?


The choice to cease communication with me is their own. After some time I'm the only one initiating contact; it's not long before they begin insulting me, or simply ignore me altogether. It's alright though as I've become quite content within my solitude.


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