Had first evaluation session...

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I'm having an in-depth neuropsych evaluation done and it's happening in the course of 5 sessions. IQ tests and such. This is a ADHD and autism specialist, so whatever she tells me I guess I will just have to accept. I've not really specified that I think that I'm likely on the spectrum, because I don't want her to think I have an agenda and considering the reasons I'm going in, I don't think that would really need pointing out for her to consider.

This first session was reviewing childhood history and current concerns. At one point she asked me a question in regards to a very sensitive subject for me- school. She asked if my interest (history/WWI) was something I wanted to pursue in higher education when I got there and I started to tear up and was unable to respond to her after saying that I was unsure if a 4 year college was something that I was going to be capable of.

I wasn't in hysterics or anything, but it was noticeable and she asked something along the lines of "Can you tell me a bit about what's behind those tears?" I spent a minute or two staring intently on something to the left of me before she reached for a tissue and asked "Are you able to explain what you're feeling?" I shook my head no, took the tissue, and she understandingly moved on. That felt so nice, because professionals I've seen in the past continue to pry more and it has lead to me unintentionally giving false information many times because I said what I thought was to be expected.

To others that once self-suspected and seeked a diagnosis while older (Although I'm not that old- 18), were you also very worried about the what ifs? It's not like I want to be on the spectrum, but when the possibility came about and I looked into it, it was like a gained a greater understand of myself and my struggles. Things made sense for once. If I'm not, then I'm not sure what my reaction will be.

Welcome to WP. Thank you so much for sharing this. Please continue to share about your sessions. I am very interested in how they go. Best wishes for the outcome.

I was really worried about the what ifs. I've worried a lot about things like "what if I want a diagnosis?" and "what if I'm faking?" etc. I'm still worried (I'm quite new to the diagnosis though, seeing as I got mine yesterday). However, I think that might pass eventually. I think that once I've got all the information (we still haven't gone through all of the results) and I've come to accept the diagnosis, doubts and what ifs will gradually disappear. At least I hope so. Anyway, hopefully it'll be the same for you with the things you worry about. It's good that you're seeing someone who's specialised in autism and ADHD. They probably know what they're doing.

Good luck with the assessment and feel free to keep up posted.

Also, welcome to WP.

If it's any comfort I got my diagnosis a few years ago when I was in my mid-forties. In hindsight it was one of the best things I've done in my whole life.

After the diagnosis my therapist helped me with issues of how to better function in the NT world in a way that works for me. She also got me to feel a lot better about myself and not feel so ashamed about my behaviour and my challenges - things I've struggled with for decades.

Knowing I'm autistic and that I'm not alone has helped me tremendously - especially finding this community on WrongPlanet. I now have people just like me I can turn to for advice and comfort and who understand just how hard some things can be for me.

So, welcome. You're not alone. Pull up a chair and make yourself at home.

There have been points in time where I've worried myself silly over what ifs like if I am faking/exaggerating symptoms and such. After I familiarized myself with autism and how it related to me, I became more aware of my already present mannerisms and quirks. This caused me to question if they were really previously present because "How could you not know that you rocked often?"

Best of luck and welcome to WP!

Welcome to WP astramus I know what you mean about doubting yourself or being afraid that it's just all in your head; before my diagnosis, I'd sometimes suddenly start wondering the same thing, like, "What if I just want to be different?" "What if I'm just introverted?" "What if it's something a lot worse than autism?" etc. Getting diagnosed really got rid of those fears for me, because the process I went through was so intensive that there was no way I could have faked my responses: the therapist picked up on problems I had that I wasn't even aware of, like my flat prosody and lack of shared social enjoyment.

If it turns out you're not on the spectrum, your therapist won't leave you hanging; she'll probably have an explanation for the traits you do exhibit, so you won't be ushered out the door feeling as confused about yourself as you did when you walked in. I think it was Tony Attwood who said that, the majority of the time, when a person suspects they're on the spectrum, they're right.

I think, it is normal to feel, that behaviors and other characteristics become stronger as you become aware. They probably do. It is not "faking it".
Apart from that: As you discover which NT virtues, you have done your best to learn by intellect, they become weaker, and you discover how much energy, you´ve spent on them, - and you probably do act more aspieish.

This is exactly how I feel. A few weeks ago I would not have imagined that I could be on the spectrum. Then I had a chat with a newly diagnosed friend and she explained what happened to her. She said her psychologist noticed she had several aspie traits and sent her to see a specialist. These traits are traits that I have, things that I have really struggled with. I was amazed, actually, and, since the conversation with the friend, I have done several quizzes (all which strongly suggest I should be diagnosed) and watched various YouTube videos of people on the spectrum talking about their experiences (I wanted to see and hear people as that gave me a much better impression as to what the spectrum is like).

I now already really identify with the diagnosis, but am trying not to think I have it at such an early stage and get overly attached. A quiz can't tell you anything by itself. There is no doubt that I am highy sensitive, but that idea that I am on the spectrum... it just makes me feel so much better about so many things in my life, things that have happened in he past and things that continue to be a daily struggle. Life is hard. I don't know if it is hard in an NT way or in an aspie way, but I have to admit that I would be disappointed if I didn't get diagnosed. I''ll be too nervous to ask about it for a while.

I may not have it at all and I am aware that I could be kidding myself (as calstar2 said, I am a bit worried about faking it).