Do I invite workmates to my wedding?

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If I get married to my partner (we're both hoping that we will sometime next year), it will be lovely because I've always wanted to get married.

But there is one thing bothering me, and that is workmates. A lot of people invite some of their workmates to their weddings, and I know my partner will invite some of his. But to get workmates to come to your wedding, do you have to have a strong enough social relationship with them, and do you have to be quite popular at work?

I've never organised a social gathering before, so I find it hard to imagine people dressing up in their favourite dress and getting all ready to turn up to my invitation. Sometimes it hurts to think that no-one other than family would really want to waste their day coming to my wedding, just because I'm quiet at work.

Don't get me wrong, people at work are nice to me and always look out for me and I do talk to them and they talk to me etc, but I'm still wondering if inviting even just two or three people from work to my wedding is a wise idea or not. Is it necessary to invite people from work? Or is it OK to just have family and a couple of good friends (not from work)?

It is perfectly OK to have just family and a few close friends at your wedding. Invite the people you want to invite. If you would like to invite a few coworkers, go ahead. If you don't feel close enough to them, don't invite them.

I don't know what kind of reception you are having, but weddings can get very expensive. I personally wouldn't want to spend that much money on people I barely know.

People at work will probably find out you are getting married, and if anyone asks about getting invited, you could just say that you are having a very small, private ceremony.

Be aware that people who aren't real friends often skip the ceremony and go to just the reception for the free food and alcohol.

If you have told your coworkers about your wedding plans (or plan to do so), some of them might like to attend the reception (most non-family friends understand that they might not be included in the ceremony itself). I would verbally mention your plans to your coworkers and ask them if they would like invitations to your reception. That way, you let them determine if their relationship with you expects their attendance. Some will decline, or say that they are busy; respect that. They will appreciate just being told. For the others who choose to attend, welcome them.

In fact, some wedding couples send "marriage announcements" to coworkers (which usually say something like "your best wishes are welcome") thus indicating that they aren't invited. This allows them to (maybe) have a casual party for you at the office, and quietly offer gifts to you one-to-one. Everybody likes being included even if it is just getting informed.

But, as has been written by nerdygirl, you are under no obligation to invite anyone you don't wish to invite.

I know I don't have to feel obliged, but I don't know if it's ''normal'' to not invite people from work to your wedding if you are going to be inviting a lot of people. I hate feeling like I'm the first person in the world to not invite people from work to my wedding.

Has anyone ever been to a wedding where either the bride or the groom invited a lot of family and friends of family but nobody from work? I worry that people might think that nobody likes me at work if nobody from work comes, as most people have a ''work bessie'' and so at least invite that one person. But I fear that if I announce my wedding to people at work, they might act all enthusiastic and interested, but not actually turn up because they wouldn't want to waste their afternoon on me.

My fear of social rejection is so bad that I even ''feel sorry'' for food if it gets rejected from my body more than the nasty feeling of being sick!

Weddings are so exciting that worrying about inviting people from work should be the least of your worries!

when I got married to my husband he did invite some of his workmates and I work in the same company so they also my workmates too, but if i worked somewhere else i wouldnt of invited people from work then. I cant be bothered with all that.

that should speak volumes in itself, you have plenty of time to plan

having said that, invite your friends. if that includes people you work with, sure. i wouldn't necessarily invite supervisors though.

I hope you don't mind if I ask you an off-topic question. Does your fiancé have an Autism spectrum disorder? Or is he just an NT? And how did you both click together? I'm always eager to learn about relationship success stories from Aspies and Auties.

My boyfriend is NT and I don't even know if he knows anything about Autism or not. He's quite a bit older than me, but I've always liked older men, and I've told him about my anxieties and he said he always wanted a girl he can take under his wing and who is honest (isn't likely to cheat on him). He's met the right girl, because I will never, ever cheat on him.

I can mask my Asperger's very well, and now that I'm on Sertraline, I can mask it even more because it seems to have helped with my social skills too. I have a very unusual ability for an Aspie to have, which is flirting. I know how to flirt, and I know when somebody else is flirting with me, and also I am good at chatting to men I feel attracted to but keeping it casual. That's how I got to date my boyfriend. He was always too shy to ask me on a date, so one day I made myself ask him his name. Then when I saw him having a cigarette on his own, I walked over to him and gave casual small talk, whilst giving him flirty looks (facial expressions). I could tell he liked it, and then he asked where I lived and I told him, and I said ''I still live with my parents''. He smiled at me then said ''I live all on my own'', which made me feel happy. I said ''wish I did, I do get fed up at home sometimes''. Then he sort of joked and said ''well come to mine!'', but at the same time he kind of meant it, if you know what I mean. Then he said, ''you could come to where I live some day....sort of like a date....'' And I smiled and said ''I would love that.'' And then it felt like it was settled; we were beginning a relationship. He blew me a kiss then went back to work. I walked away feeling so happy, and also pleased with myself for being confident, but not creepy. Then he happened to know a Facebook friend of mine, and he must have been talking to this mate about me because the mate passed on his number to me on Facebook. That was over 6 weeks ago, and we both still feel very happy.
Oh and by the way - I know not to flirt with other men now, and naturally I don't feel I want to flirt any more either because I respect my new boyfriend that much. And I could tell he's not the flirty type, because that's why it's took so long for us to finally chat each other up and get together; he likes to act casual and doesn't do flirting. I noticed that a long time ago, although I could tell he liked me.

I can understand body language and all that sort of thing, which makes things like this easier for me I suppose, than it would others on the spectrum. But there's no law to say that Aspies and NTs won't get on in a relationship. It can work if you meet the right person. When entering a relationship though you have to get out of your rut. I was in a very cosy rut, and now I feel like I've had to come out of the rut. I don't mind though, because I have true feelings for my boyfriend, and a boyfriend is what I've been wanting for ages, and so I'm starting to get used to my new lifestyle.

Thanks for sharing your story. I didn't know there's a medication you can use to help you overcome Aspergers and enhance social skills. Would you recommend it to any struggling Aspies?

As for flirting, I don't know how to do it and I'm not sure if it's essential for finding potential romantic partners.

I see it this way.

Often, to invite to a wedding = invitation to the reception. Receptions cost money (unless done very simply), and that means justifying every person who is invited since the wedding couple bears the cost of throwing the party. Lots of people don't make the cut.

Now, the convention is this....

If you are invited but don't have the money for a gift, it is in poor taste to attend the reception. It's in poor taste to demand a gift, but recognizing that the wedding couple pays for your meal/refreshments, to attend a lavish gala but not bring a gift is frowned upon.

It costs nothing to let you come to the wedding.

So, I figure if you don't have the money to invite a bunch of co-workers, DO NOT request anything from them other than that they congratulate you on getting married. To expect a gift from someone you aren't going to invite to the reception is considered to be in bad taste.

Joe90 - I didn?t invite anyone from my work to my wedding. Then again, I doubt many people at work knew I was getting married (as I prefer to only discuss work-related topics with my co-workers).


Mostly, we invited family and friends of family (essentially, friends of my parents). I have no idea if anyone noticed that I didn?t invite anyone from work.

How about if we just have a wedding and not a reception afterwards? I don't think my partner's that keen on having a big party and all of that, but to have a nice wedding in a church and perhaps have a drink in a nearby pub or something like that afterwards, just to celebrate. I don't expect gifts, in fact I don't expect everyone to spend money on the wedding at all. I'm just wondering if it's necessary to invite people from work to watch us get married and stuff. Maybe not?

I would say to invite them if you socialize with them outside of work. If you don't see them outside of work or talk on the phone to them, don't invite them. There is an exception to this though, if they give you a bridal shower at work, then you have to invite them. Some places do give bridal and baby showers at work, at least down here in the Deep South, so it's fairly common to have a work shower and a regular shower. Make sure that whoever is throwing your shower doesn't invite people from work if you aren't inviting them to your wedding though.

If you do this then it would be easy enough to invite them to the pub (acting as the reception). This would be a low cost option as the guests would pay for their own drinks (most pubs would give you free room hire). Being an informal event it would be possible for people to stay for as long as they want rather than committing for the whole evening (assuming that the pub is near where they live/work).

I do not think there is any problem with that and rest depends on the capacity of your wedding location venue. If you have planned for a big wedding then I am sure it will not bother you to invite your workmates.

You might invite those that you feel friendly with, but you probably wouldn't want to invite everybody from the workplace unless you just have a few co-workers.