Hello everyone,
Alright, I was diagnosed when I was 5. So, I'm kind of curious how that defines who I am as a person. I never really understood myself from the perspective of a disorder but I feel in a lot of ways, being autistic is kind of part of who I am.
I mean, I'm social. I'm not the "stereotypical" autistic type at all. But, I definately have it. I mean, I pretty much spent my childhood free time arranging regular objects, blocks, Legos, leaves, whatever. Strategy games and simcity were like crack cocaine to me.
I'd eat lunch alone. Unless people asked me over or something. I was not very socially motivated although I tended to maintain a few close friendships. I can't deal great with groups. Team sports were sorta difficult, but I got forced into them. I still don't usually eat lunch with coworkers. I understand the benefits of the behavior but there is no intrinsic motivation for me.
My memory is way better than an average person but my short term memory is horrible. Can't recall names., when I work I can't remember what I did an hour ago. I have to take my checklists on complete blind faith.
Uh, I learn how to adapt to social situations but I can't express much empathy.
Today my boss told me my coworker broke his leg(and I knew the guy pretty well) but I didn't know whether to laugh or look horrified or how to look horrified if the latter even though I knew that was what I should be feeling.
I guess the biggest problem is bluntness. Sometimes I'll say something that just straight up pisses people off and I kind of don't realize, after I realize I still don't really get it although I'll sometimes act surprised if it'd seem appropriate and make them not hate me. I've ruined a few good friendships that way, we can't quite keep that facade up forever I guess.
I think that AS perception of reality kind of means your consciousness is more fragmented, there are a lot of conflicting emotions. My emotions all compete fir expression so sometimes nothing is said sometimes we say too much. We spend a lot of time on internal "politics". I can't really relate to ppl with disorders though, like being schizophrenic or something. To me AS seems more like psychopathy, it's not really something that the individual believes they suffer from, more, as the name of said forum suggests, that we are like aliens analyzing people like we're not really part of the group. How convenient there's a term that separates us formally then!
16 Sep 2014, 11:17 pm
