Do people ever protest about you being around?

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BeauZa
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17 Oct 2014, 10:24 pm

Unless you're explicitly antisocial in any way, it serves as a sign that those people are twats, and you should keep yourself at a good distance from them. They have their own problems to work out.


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ajpd1989
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18 Oct 2014, 12:54 am

BeauZa wrote:
Unless you're explicitly antisocial in any way, it serves as a sign that those people are twats, and you should keep yourself at a good distance from them. They have their own problems to work out.

do you mean antisocial as in sociopathic, or unsociable?



Anna_K
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18 Oct 2014, 1:06 pm

NTs are just weird like that, I am quiet but don't consider myself antisocial, I try to be nice to everyone, but yet theres always the few that just refuse to deal with you and they probably have their own issues.

I do remember this incident that happened at the end of the school year where some acquaintances and 2 good friends of mine were getting together to go to a movie. One of my good friends really wanted me to come and invited me to come with them. I said yes, and she said, "okay, I'll ask them if you can come". Then later she called me and told me that one of the girls in the group didn't really want me there, and that she didn't really like me all that much because I "follow her around too much", which I don't think I do, and that I couldn't come just because she didn't want me there.

That was enough to put me off from going to any social event where she was going to be there. Another time they were going to the beach and my friend insisted that I come with them. I told her I didn't want to cuz "I don't want to be anywhere where I'm not welcome", but she still insisted cuz apparently they finally agreed to let me come, and she said if I don't, they'll think that I don't like them, but I really don't(I didn't tell her that).

I met my friend at a food place by my house on the day they were supposed to go to the beach, and one of the girls came along, I ended up making an excuse and then leaving. One of the girls still glares at me to this day for some odd reason.


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BeauZa
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19 Oct 2014, 10:33 am

ajpd1989 wrote:
do you mean antisocial as in sociopathic, or unsociable?


Sociopathic... I've had my understanding of the word challenged recently, and I now understand that the more appropriate synonym for "unsociable" is "asocial".


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aspiemike
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20 Oct 2014, 11:21 am

I think the best example I can give that is relative would be a group project I was working on in my college class. We were getting close to the due date and we were supposed to be communicating with eachother on the project and what was done. I had finished a good chunk of the work I was supposed to do. I contacted the rest of the group and found out that noone else had done anything yet. We got to work and got the work finished on time. I ended up doing most of the writing, while they focused on the presentation part of the project.

We were given the opportunity to grade everyone else in the group for the project. I got the lowest mark while everyone else gave eachother higher marks. I was obviously not happy about that since I did a good chunk of the work and they didn't even start yet when I contacted them. I protested to the professor and was told "I let the marks stand because they weren't going to affect anyone's ability to pass this course." I had to deal with getting a grade of 75 for that class rather than 80.

When it comes to group gatherings, I find it's more likely to be a young lady that would protest my being at an event. that hasn't happened in a while though.


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ecaillesdelune
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20 Oct 2014, 4:07 pm

Quite often I found myself uninvited to things, or invited once but never again. The most bothersome about it all is that I do not know why.

There is only one instance I remember where I was intentionally not informed about a big "happening" because they did not want my company. It still hurts me to this day when I do think about it, as I still have no idea why and it was the only group of friends I had, including my significant other at the time. I am unsure if this has happened more than once, but this is the only time I was aware that I had been intentionally left out. (I asked why no one told me about it, and the friend explained that I was to not be invited per the request of a few others, to which, I suppose, she saw no reason to refute :( )

Most of the time, I could say I did not participate by my own will, so never allowed the opportunity to be chastised in that way.



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20 Oct 2014, 9:19 pm

Back in high school during Junior prom I was told by another student that she, her date and another couple rented a limo. I did not have a date but was invited to go either way according to the student. I confirmed it with the person in charge of things and they told me that the limo was a lie and that I was not invited. They also said their mom was driving all 4 couples and did not want me to ride with them due to both of us having hyperactivity problems.

Then I heard "My mom likes you a lot but she is under lots of stress right now. She does not want to deal with our hyperactivity."

It soon learned it was a protest in itself. I learned that their date and special someone's parent at that time was playing the chauffeur. It turned out that the second person who said that about their mother had did not want me with them. That was because I jealous that their current special someone was in their life and not me. So they did not want me around trying to make a scene.

So I went to prom all alone.



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 21 Oct 2014, 8:16 am, edited 2 times in total.

FireyInspiration
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21 Oct 2014, 12:04 am

Was my life in elementary school
Still fair bit a lot in high school
In college I was tolerated mostly, but had trouble getting 'close' to people



Summer_Twilight
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21 Oct 2014, 12:03 pm

I have had people wanting to invite me to events at the home of someone else before talking to the host first. Then I would find out through the person who had wanted me there in the first place had to rip the invitation away from me. That was because the host said no due to some other guests be there with lots of stress and that my hyperactivity, or dominating the conversation would have been too much.



stevens2010
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21 Oct 2014, 4:44 pm

Oh God yes. All the time. This has troubled me all of my life. I have found no solution to it.

It happened all the time in my career, until I was able to retire. Now I work shorter term, so it's not always a problem anymore. But sooner or later, in every situation, even people that I have been very good to and helped do this.

I think it's something that HFA people are very familiar with. But we don't seem to be able to overcome it.

I try to take pleasure in doing things on my own. The best kind of work that I can do is on my own. Socially, I try to avoid going to far with people. It's very difficult.



Summer_Twilight
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21 Oct 2014, 5:01 pm

I was close to someone when I was 12 and she was 9. She and I would constantly try and make plans to sleep over. Something would always come up at the last minute.

1. They took off and went to a camping convention. Then when they returned home the story was her mother did not say I could sleep over
2. Another time her step father was really sick
3. Her grandparents were in town and they came in unexpectedly
4. I suddenly could not go camping with my friend during the 4th of July in 1994 due to her mother being stuck with her kid

I honestly think her mother did not want me around due to the hyperactivity because she always appeared to have an attitude and would get frustrated when I would sleep over. There was a lot of nagging. Then when I would try and confirm things with her mom she did not want to talk to me.



nldedout
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26 Oct 2014, 5:44 pm

Yes.

In elementary school none of the kids would be my partner and I worked on projects by myself.

In late elementary and middle school kids would complain, even to teachers sometimes, when they were forced to sit by me at lunch. I ate alone most days.

In high school my "friends" had another friend who refused to hang out with me. The friends decided they liked that friend better and only would see me on rare occasions that friend wasn't around. Worst of all my "friends" would tell me all this to my face frequently.

In college study abroad the other kids in the program would go out drinking and never tell or invite me because they thought I was emotionally unstable and annoying.

etc etc...



justanothergal
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09 Nov 2014, 4:22 am

Not these days. After introductions I wait patiently to get my point across and this approach seems to work for me.



stevens2010
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30 Jul 2016, 1:03 pm

ecaillesdelune wrote:
Quite often I found myself uninvited to things, or invited once but never again. The most bothersome about it all is that I do not know why.


This is the classic Aspie problem, isn't it? I mean, half the world knows the names of everyone on the Ashley Madison site, the DNC's emails were hacked, but the average Aspie has no clue (in my case, after over six decades), why people have such a visceral negative reaction some times.

It's not like we could instantly correct our poor PR if someone let us know, but it would sure help us make an effort. An Aspie might have better results getting feedback in a place like New York, but on the west coast forget it.

Furthermore, the thing that hurts the most is that (e.g. certain coworkers) the people we make an effort to get along with the most, often are the ones running the biggest hate campaigns.



Summer_Twilight
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30 Jul 2016, 6:12 pm

It's amazing how many of these people outside of your friends will go behind your back and make you sound like a monster for the silliest reasons. Then they wonder why we punish them by way of outbursts along with retaliation.