Deliberately Avoiding Contact with Others

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Andrejake
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Mar 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 544
Location: Brasil

28 Sep 2014, 10:27 pm

There are days that i'm okay with socializing, so even if i don't want it, i try to at least do not avoid anyone. But when my mind is too tired i have even an alternate route to job/university where i have less chances to be caught by anyone that can come and try to chat.



BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

29 Sep 2014, 8:40 am

I do this all the time. If I do run into someone I know, or if a stranger speaks to me, don't get me wrong, I'm fine and I "rise to the occasion" and I'm politely friendly. But it's just that I'd RATHER NOT have that happen. I deal with it if it does, but I prefer to avoid contact if I can have any control over avoiding it.

The reason is I just want to be alone with my thoughts. Life feels hard enough already without random sh!t. When I leave my building in the morning, I try to leave when I hear silence in the hallway and the stairway. I'm nearly always in the middle of dealing with a mild panic attack right then, and the last thing I need is to run into a neighbor and have to make light chitchat. Sometimes I have to but I hate it. I have enough to deal with inside myself.



ASD_Geek
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2014
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 33

29 Sep 2014, 8:50 am

I also try to avoid people, even ones that I know. This is especially the case if I see them outside of the normal environment where I am accustomed to seeing them. I don't know why this is, but while at the store, I will even go as far as to duck down another aisle, speed up or even take a different path just so I don't run into people that I know.

If for some reason., I do run into people that I know face to face, I can't for the life of me, figure out who they are. I frequently turn to my wife, who understands my issue and says, "They are so and so from <wherever we know them>."

This behavior even extends to work related functions as I find it very hard to have lunch or carpool with others. I'm thinking that it's because I just like to be alone where there is no pressure to force communications and other interactions with others. Socially participating in those activities is exhausting at times.

Being in social groups outside of work, in general, is the same way. I don't like going to parties, BBQ's, etc. where I feel forced to socialize. It's simply too exhausting. This does not carry over for being with my immediate family, though.



jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage

29 Sep 2014, 11:20 am

I can relate to not recognizing people outside of usual settings, ASD_Geek As for interacting at parties, I'll often find a comfortable place to sit, as close to the active as I can, and let people come to me. This reduces the demands on my social skills.



ASD_Geek
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2014
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 33

29 Sep 2014, 3:54 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
I can relate to not recognizing people outside of usual settings, ASD_Geek As for interacting at parties, I'll often find a comfortable place to sit, as close to the active as I can, and let people come to me. This reduces the demands on my social skills.


Not recognizing people is very unnerving. I'm glad that someone can relate. It seems to be a very unusual "problem" to have.

At get-togethers, I unknowingly do something similar, but it usually ends with people coming up and asking "What's wrong?" Still it works :)



structrix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2013
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 535

29 Sep 2014, 4:30 pm

I avoid people all the time. Which part of JA are you living because I'm from there!


_________________
AQ= 41
Your Aspie score: 144 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 66 of 200
I am an Aspie!
Diagnosed as an adult


Cardamine
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22
Location: UK

29 Sep 2014, 5:02 pm

ASD_Geek wrote:
Not recognizing people is very unnerving.


I struggle to recognise people too. It's called prosopagnosia or face-blindness. It means i'm often pretending i know who i'm talking to and trying to pick up clues about who they are. It's becoming more well known though, so sometimes now i just admit it and tell the person about face-blindness.



Amity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,714
Location: Meandering

29 Sep 2014, 6:39 pm

Fear of confused communication, creating it, dealing with it. Usually the taught of it is worse than the experience and sometimes its works out as a funny story.



scribbler99
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
Location: United Kingdom

29 Sep 2014, 6:57 pm

Thanks crystal, you have helped me to feel normal. Im a police officer, but i have now been assigned to desk duties. I like to work evenings and weekends because it allows me to be alone in a big building. I can be locked away in an upstairs office doing my work. As far as the outside world is concerned, i exist only as a ghost or a virtual entity at the other end of an e mail or text message. i make sure no one ever sees me or hears my voice on the phone. If i can get to the end of my shift without being seen or spoken to, I count that as a major triumph



jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage

30 Sep 2014, 7:49 am

ASD_Geek wrote:
At get-togethers, I unknowingly do something similar, but it usually ends with people coming up and asking "What's wrong?" Still it works :)


Doing it deliberately may help me feel good about it, smile, and give off good vibes, or something.



Sedentarian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Aug 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,681
Location: Madison, WI

30 Sep 2014, 4:13 pm

I sometimes do this.


_________________
Mildly autistic WrongPlanet Member, teenage boy, and screen time lover extraordinaire. PM me if you want!


crystalc1973
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 9 Oct 2013
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 64
Location: Montego Bay, Jamaica

30 Sep 2014, 5:57 pm

Structrix- I'm in Montego Bay, where are you from?

Scribbler99- Glad I could help. You are not alone. Be proud that you actually got to be a police officer, it's something I would like to do, but know I couldn't because of my limitations.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 138 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 74 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage

30 Sep 2014, 9:53 pm

Right now, I don't necessarily avoid general contact with people as much as I avoid getting too comfortable with or close to people. I feel like I will inevitably end up offending them, or else they will disappoint me. I keep talking myself out of pursuing social interaction, even on the occasions when I start to want it.



greengirl27
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: England

01 Oct 2014, 9:55 am

I definitely avoid people. I have recently moved to a new place where I know very few and I like it. Even if I walk my dog somewhere and another dog walker seems a bit chatty I have urges to not walk there again as I don't want to chat, I just want to enjoy walking my dog.

I never answer my phone unless someone has specifically arranged to call. even then there are only 2 people I would talk to. when it rings unexpectedly I just freeze. Same goes for the door, though since moving this hasn't been an issue as no one is likely to turn up unannounced.

I do have a couple of friends but am more at ease keeping in contact by messaging on my mobile phone rather than in person, though I do do this at times.