Meeting new people- Not Interested VS Hate?

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

YarnMonster
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2014
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 93

28 Sep 2014, 10:15 pm

How can you tell if someone hates you or if they just aren't interested in knowing you at all? I understand I'm not everyone's first choice of friend- I'm weird.. fine... whatever. (I like me, though!) I don't know how to tell the difference between someone not having time for me/not interested in knowing me VS they can't stand me and don't want to be around me.

I try to talk to people and they walk away. I can't tell when's a good time to talk or not, so there's that issue. But what cues are there between not interested and hate?

I keep thinking everyone that doesn't want to be my best friend hates me... I think this might be wrong so I want to learn. Plus, it hurts when I think all new people I meet hate me.



NorthPark
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2011
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 535
Location: California

28 Sep 2014, 11:49 pm

When someone is not interested in knowing you, they may ignore you, interact in non social conversation, or say "it was nice meeting you."

When they hate you, they made do the above and beyond: swear at you, call you names, yell at you, etc.

People who don't hate but just "dislike" you may be, in a way, part of the second category. Though some people consider "hating on" and "disliking" to be similar.


_________________
Life is not designed to be fair.....BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!

MBTI- ISTP


progaspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2011
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 673
Location: Australia

29 Sep 2014, 2:44 am

Asking a fellow afflicted Aspie the cues between interest and disinterest that someone shows towards you is not going to come up with many answers.

However, it's safe to assume that just because someone walks away from you, they don't hate you. They may lose interest if you ramble on about the same topic and they can't get a word in. Better to let them speak and look at them if not directly towards their eyes, maybe at an angle just away from their eyes, to indicate that you are showing interest in them. Try to keep the conversation going. Better to say anything at all, than complete silence, because then the person will lose interest in you and maybe walk away. Don't worry saying something a bit weird because a lot people get bored by the same old rubbish that a lot of NT's talk about, so coming up with unusual conversational topics can be quite interesting to a lot of people. Better to meet other people where you're unlikely to be distracted by extraneous noises around you. If you don't pick up what the other person is saying, smile towards them and ask the person to repeat what he/she is saying. Suggest going to a quieter location to talk.



YarnMonster
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2014
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 93

30 Sep 2014, 11:33 am

NorthPark wrote:
When someone is not interested in knowing you, they may ignore you, interact in non social conversation, or say "it was nice meeting you."

When they hate you, they made do the above and beyond: swear at you, call you names, yell at you, etc.

People who don't hate but just "dislike" you may be, in a way, part of the second category. Though some people consider "hating on" and "disliking" to be similar.


Thank you- this makes a lot of sense.



YarnMonster
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2014
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 93

30 Sep 2014, 11:34 am

progaspie wrote:
Asking a fellow afflicted Aspie the cues between interest and disinterest that someone shows towards you is not going to come up with many answers.

However, it's safe to assume that just because someone walks away from you, they don't hate you. They may lose interest if you ramble on about the same topic and they can't get a word in. Better to let them speak and look at them if not directly towards their eyes, maybe at an angle just away from their eyes, to indicate that you are showing interest in them. Try to keep the conversation going. Better to say anything at all, than complete silence, because then the person will lose interest in you and maybe walk away. Don't worry saying something a bit weird because a lot people get bored by the same old rubbish that a lot of NT's talk about, so coming up with unusual conversational topics can be quite interesting to a lot of people. Better to meet other people where you're unlikely to be distracted by extraneous noises around you. If you don't pick up what the other person is saying, smile towards them and ask the person to repeat what he/she is saying. Suggest going to a quieter location to talk.


I don't have anywhere else to ask and I thought fellow autistic people would be able to explain it to me in a way I would understand.

Thank you for the tips- they are helpful.