How to explain autism to someone very ignorant?

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SteelMaiden
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12 Oct 2014, 1:18 pm

I have a so-called "friend" who was given my number by someone when I was in hospital. We have been texting sometimes for a few years now.

I don't like texting him, it classifies as socialising and that is draining for me. I text him purely as a selfless act. He doesn't have any friends and he is alone most of the time (being an ambivert NT that is hard for him). So I just text him for the sake of him not dying alone.

However if I don't text him for a day, he gets annoyed at me and texts things like "if you don't sort yourself out, our texting friendship ends now".

I told him a while ago that I am autistic, but he totally ignored it. This is a man who had never heard of dementia when his dad was recently diagnosed of it. This "friend" is a rather close-minded, ignorant man in general.

How do I explain autism to him?

The problem is that when I was in hospital while he was there, I was manic at the time and hence became over-friendly and over-talkative. This is not like me; I don't talk much to people when I'm well and I don't go out of my way to socialise.

So this man knows me in real life from when I was manic, but doesn't know me in real life when I am well and more obviously autistic.

Any advice?


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sharkattack
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12 Oct 2014, 1:24 pm

Your asking for advice.

My advice is my opinion if your looking for opinions what you should do is get a few opinions. and then make your own decision.

My advice is you should ditch this friend.



SteelMaiden
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12 Oct 2014, 1:28 pm

sharkattack wrote:
My advice is you should ditch this friend.


Makes sense. I just hope that when I ditch him, he won't spend a week sending me abusive emails like last time.


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League_Girl
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12 Oct 2014, 2:10 pm

I would dump the guy and just let him lose you as a friend. He sounds like someone who doesn't listen. I had a friend who never listened when I would explain to him about my lack of communication online to him. I never told him I had AS but perhaps I should but then I realize what difference would that have made. I told him once after he signed off in rage and it didn't change a thing. Now I am glad he lost me as a friend and I finally blocked him because he said he wanted to take me off his friends and he wouldn't but instead he just wanted to argue and fight and insult me so I blocked him on Facebook and on Yahaoo messenger.

That guy doesn't sound NT by the way because that isn't normal NT behavior. Perhaps he has something. But funny I say this because I see the same thing being said about autism "That person doesn't sound autistic because..." and now I am saying it about NT. I also think my old "friend" had something because he was also abusive to me whenever he would get mad. he did have brain damage at birth from a cord wrapped around his neck he said so it affected his thinking so it explained why he would contradict his stories making it sound like he lies. While I would try my effort to understand him and give him the benefit of the doubt, he wouldn't do the same for me. Also if your "friend" sends you abusive emails, block him or don't open them and just keep on deleting them. He might get bored sending you them from no response.


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SteelMaiden
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12 Oct 2014, 2:26 pm

This "friend" has schizophrenia. But then my AS friend said "but SM you have schizophrenia too and you're not a jerk."

I am going to dump him as a friend and block him.

Thanks for the good advice everyone.


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sharkattack
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12 Oct 2014, 2:56 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:
This "friend" has schizophrenia. But then my AS friend said "but SM you have schizophrenia too and you're not a jerk."

I am going to dump him as a friend and block him.

Thanks for the good advice everyone.


Happy to give honest advice but I know how difficult these things can be.



ajpd1989
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12 Oct 2014, 5:06 pm

I have found that there's not much use in trying to explain anything to a very ignorant person.
They will likely either misconstrue what you said or not truly listen.

Personally, I'd just be rid of him.



SteelMaiden
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13 Oct 2014, 8:13 am

Rid of him is wise.


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downbutnotout
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13 Oct 2014, 5:55 pm

If I had to, I'd settle for telling them that my brain is wired in such a way that things which don't normally bother people have a huge impact on me. Noise gets overwhelming faster, socializing tires me out faster, etc. In the end, though, there's no reasoning with true ignorance. It's been said.



skibum
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13 Oct 2014, 7:34 pm

I would not bother trying to explain it to him. I would just not bother talking to him much if at all.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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13 Oct 2014, 8:12 pm

Ditch him. He's not worth it.



SteelMaiden
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14 Oct 2014, 10:27 am

I've been ignoring his texts although he got quite vicious verbally in one text.


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corvuscorax
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14 Oct 2014, 10:32 am

Block his texts, dude.


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b9
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14 Oct 2014, 10:36 am

Quote:
How to explain autism to someone very ignorant?

i do not have to explain anything to anyone. it is up to them to learn what they need to know. if i was not alive, i am sure their lives would be the same.



corvuscorax
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14 Oct 2014, 10:44 am

b9 wrote:
Quote:
How to explain autism to someone very ignorant?

i do not have to explain anything to anyone. it is up to them to learn what they need to know. if i was not alive, i am sure their lives would be the same.


While I think the person that OP is dealing with is definitely not someone worth wasting time on, this is really not a good way of thinking.

People are different. It's not just an aspie thing where people don't understand those who are more different from them. It's important for people to understand who we are and understand that we are different, and how our differences do not make us any more or less valuable of a person. I'm a pretty vocal ally of the blind community and the first thing that they want more than anything else is to be treated as equals - they know they're different but people don't understand their differences and therefore make false judgement. If you ever saw a blind person and helped them with something without asking, some people think that's demeaning. Should they expect you to know better? Of course not, they know that people don't know any better - they might get irritable but they may also explain to others that they are very capable of doing what they're doing. Do not punish those who are unwillingly ignorant, educate them so that they can be enlightened into understanding what ASD is and therefore treat you and those with ASD in the future with respect.

This sort of attitude only broods more ignorance.


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14 Oct 2014, 11:07 am

Ditch him and block him.


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