Do you freak out when a stranger approaches you?

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Raleigh
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12 Oct 2014, 3:23 pm

Yesterday a man I didn't know came into our yard. I froze. I just stood there and watched him approach. My SO was nearby but he was busy with something else and I couldn't speak to warn him or move to tap him on the shoulder.
It turned out the man lived in our street and just wanted to borrow something - but what if he'd been someone dangerous and all I can do is stand there like a dummy? Why do I do this? Why do I go into shock at the sight of an unknown human being?


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nick007
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12 Oct 2014, 3:48 pm

No I tend to not pay attention.


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ZombieBrideXD
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12 Oct 2014, 3:51 pm

yes. thats why i fear Mascots, clowns and other Public Preformers, they come up to you at random and it throws me off.


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LokiofSassgard
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12 Oct 2014, 5:06 pm

I do to extent, especially if it's a police officer or some other official person. It makes me feel as if I've done something wrong, and it can cause me to freak out. That's also why I usually stick around my parents in case something like this happens. If it does, then I know they will be able to help with whatever the person wants.


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Dillogic
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12 Oct 2014, 5:18 pm

No

"Can I help you?"

Go from there.

It pretty much always ends with, "no thank you." From me.

Don't get many strangers where I live though. Mainly Jehovah's on their weekend country drives (I don't mind them; they're a peaceful lot as far as I can tell).



ajpd1989
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12 Oct 2014, 5:21 pm

Yes. I have no idea what their intentions might be, and I tend to get scared and/or suspicious.

Especially since, because of my demeanor, it's rare that a stranger approaches me.
Those who do are usually very weird in one way or another.



Dillogic
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12 Oct 2014, 5:31 pm

Just don't trust anyone and watch 'em like a hawk. Don't let them back you into a corner and get within a few meters or so.

99.9% of people you don't know aren't going to hurt you, and no one can tell about the other 0.1%, whether they can read body language with the best of them or not.



eric76
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12 Oct 2014, 7:34 pm

Raleigh wrote:
Yesterday a man I didn't know came into our yard. I froze. I just stood there and watched him approach. My SO was nearby but he was busy with something else and I couldn't speak to warn him or move to tap him on the shoulder.
It turned out the man lived in our street and just wanted to borrow something - but what if he'd been someone dangerous and all I can do is stand there like a dummy? Why do I do this? Why do I go into shock at the sight of an unknown human being?


It must be terrible to think everyone is out to do harm to you.



dianthus
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12 Oct 2014, 8:56 pm

If someone I don't know walks up in the yard and/or knocks on my door, or a car comes down the driveway and I don't know who it is yes it kind of freaks me out. I live out in the country down a long driveway. I don't live in a neighborhood where it would be normal to see people out walking around or coming up to the house. But even if I did live in a neighborhood like that, I don't think I would like it.

We have a neighbor who used to come nosing around, because my dad got really friendly with him and they would share tools and do projects together. Whenever I saw him around it was like alarm bells went off in my brain. I knew he was harmless, it would just catch me off guard because I did not want to interact with him. He was very nosy and eventually it got to the point that my dad didn't like him hanging around either, so that finally stopped.



Sweetleaf
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12 Oct 2014, 9:15 pm

Depends on the person approaching.


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blueblahbleh
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12 Oct 2014, 9:16 pm

It depends on the situation. I used to live in a neighborhood with a high crime rate - drugs, prostitution, thieves, etc. and sometimes it's more obvious then other times if someone has ill intentions.

I tend to be more wary of people if they approach me at odd times like when it's dark out or just before sunrise. It is good advice though that when a stranger approaches, be aware of your surroundings. Keep a safe distance while you evaluate the situation. I don't care what a stranger might be saying: if they are running towards me or acting unusual for example, I don't let them get too close. If a stranger starts questioning why I move away from them or acts aggressive in reaction to avoiding them it's usually a red flag for me.



Raleigh
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13 Oct 2014, 2:05 am

Quote:
It must be terrible to think everyone is out to do harm to you.

I don't think *everyone* is out to harm me but I do get a physical fight or flight response whenever a stranger approaches me even if we're just passing in the street. I know the other person probably isn't going to kill me or anything, logically. But still I react. It seems outside of my control.
The freeze response happens when someone confronts me unexpectedly and I can't think why they're there or what they want. I shut down, which would be very unhelpful for my survival if the person did have ill-intent.


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Zajie
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13 Oct 2014, 7:14 am

Yes I remember a few years ago when an old man approached me smiling to give me candy I froze and just kept staring at him not knowing what to do then when pizza finished I just went to take it and went away



blueblahbleh
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13 Oct 2014, 10:01 am

Have you considered studying martial arts to raise self-esteem and confidence? It's also a good way to get in shape and be healthy.

If you are interested, I would recommend finding a school that doesn't require you to sign a payment contract. That way, you can try out a school first and leave if it isn't a good fit for you. Also there are places to learn martial arts without engaging in full contact sparring. Watch out for schools that like to beat up their students and/or require a long term contract.



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13 Oct 2014, 10:02 am

At one point I used to jump when people would unexpectedly engage with me, it startled so many people. :) It was a fight/flight thing, but I don't know if its the same. .



scribbler99
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14 Oct 2014, 3:52 am

I get this in shopping centres and supermarkets; I feel a sense of panic when Im shopping alone and Im constantly consciously thinking "dont approach me, leave me alone, dont speak to me, please just act like im invisible and not here." Its easier if my wife or one of my kids (not really kids now, they're grown up) is with me and they can handle all the interactions for me.

One of the earlier contributors to this post made me smile when they said how it can be additionally scary if the person who is approaching you is a police officer or authority figure - welll i totally get that, of course, but it can be pretty alarming when you are that police officer, in uniform, entering a shopping centre as part of your job to deal with something you have been called to ... and you are still saying "dont approach me, leave me alone, dont speak to me, please act like Im invisible and not here." Cops can be aspies too, although I would guess most of us are not. Life is strange.